Partner who lives with me

[Bamby1113]

I’m just curious on what peoples views are on this ..
I have been with my partner for many years.
he’s lived with me for 5.
i did give up my own house and move in with him for a year to which I contributed £800 pcm.
he always complained that I didn’t contribute enough so after a year I moved back out and got my own place again.

he lives with me again now and his house is empty. He chooses not to rent it he wants to leave it empty there for he does still have bills.

I work , I have children & he does live with live with me for free.
should he contribute to maybe some weekly food shop or not ?

Ok, so he’s gone, pack his things and change the locks.

He’s got his own house he can go live in it.

That's not a partner OP, that's a parasite. Note the spelling. Lose him. Fast.

Hang on a minute..... When you lived with him you somehow managed to pay him either £800 or £900 per month even though you are on minimum wage....

He complained that that wasn't enough......

Then when he moves in with you somehow he's managed to get away for a number of years without paying you anything other than a few takeaways???

Obviously you know thats not fair @Bamby1113 . So what do you do about it? with your update of him throwing £20 at you - then retrieving that back this morning I wouldn't give him any leeway. Just tell him to move back into his empty property.

Well if he’s left you can pack his stuff and change the locks - his reaction is all you needed to see, he has absolutely no respect for you or himself.

You've put up with this for 5 years? Words fail me.

Do you have children together?

Strike while the iron is hot OP, get his stuff packed up today, he will be half expecting it. I hope that £20 note gets him a nice takeaway when he gets back to his house today. I think it's a safe bet he's not going to spend it on flowers or chocolates for you

I do see that’s it’s unfair in my eyes but when I bring it up to him he don’t see it’s unfair and that’s why I thought I just need some advice on the matter from an outsiders point of view x

But you said he's gone so don't let him back in, can you get the keys off him.

He’s not a man that buys flowers or chocolates or any sort of treats or presents so no your right by there x

Your eyes are correct - it absolutely is unfair - and if he's trying to persuade you otherwise he is gaslighting you.
Please take the advice you've had on here and tell him to move back out again. You don't need this kind of cock lodger in your life.

Does he have any good points?

Sounds like he seriously lacks empathy to ask you to contribute so much when he contributes so little.

You deserve better!!!

Thank you xx

What age are your children?

Fuck me! Have I been asleep and woken up on April 1st.?
Get his shit packed and get him out, he's taking you for a mug and a ride.

Of course he should contribute. I don't understand why you have to ask. I'd say about £800 pcm.

Who pays for the food, your increase in council tax, extra electricity, gas, water etc?

Come on op, you paid £800 pcm and he complained you should pay more, he moves in with you and pays nothing! Surely you don't have to ask us!?

Do you have a key to his house because unless your at work I would move his stuff out today ..

The added income . Is he on your council tax ? Get him taken off today . Get the locks changed.

you and your children deserve more

Wow… some men stoop low but that’s taking the biscuit.

@Bamby1113 yes the arrangement was extremely unfair. He used you, and by trying to move away and getting your own place again, he actually got even more out of you.
This man is a disgrace and you know it. He might have managed to convince you otherwise but your gut feeling was right.

I’ve also noticed he kept his house, empty. It’s like he was expecting you to kick him out really…

Now, he is out of the house, take your full control back.
Change the locks. Let UC know (this might help too). And block his number.

He really isn’t worth taking the risk of being suck back in again

Please please pack up his shit today.

Yep, council tax too.

Youll be so much better off wo this weight around your neck.
Financially, emotionally and I suspect practically too (I doubt he did much around the house either did he?)

Bloody hell. Is this a wind up?

OP, value yourself. Listen to the good advice here, and get this cocklodger out of your home.

Oh, and change the locks.

I do see that’s it’s unfair in my eyes but when I bring it up to him he don’t see it’s unfair

Of course he sees that it's unfair. That's why he kicks off to make you shut up (you said you don't want to raise it because you know it'll cause an argument). He is financially (and emotionally) abusing you.

As PP have said, pack up his stuff and leave it on the step. It's not like he's got nowhere to go (not that that would be your concern anyway). Make your home a safe space for you and your children. Make plans for the extra money you'll have that you're not spending on him, a holiday or school trips for the kids or savings for driving lessons or whatever you want!

Pack his shit, deliver it to his house, call a locksmith.

Do it all before he tries to justify his deplorable behaviour.

Jesus some women are so desperate for penis they let themselves get treated like shit! Have sone respect for yourself and make him pay towards the bills!

When he says it's unfair for him to contribute, what are his reasons?

Genuinely interested as I can't think of a single justifiable one.