(Lighthearted) alternative Olympic sports

[MrsMoastyToasty]

I would compete in

Getting around the local ring road with all the traffic lights on green. Personal best is 6. (There are 15 sets)
Number of loads of washing dried on the line in one day. Personal best is 7.

I think there might need to be rules to the washing drying sport, with my line/airer set up more than 3 probably isn't possible (unless doing incredibly small loads - this might also need standardising) so I suspect some form of performance enhancing additional spin cycles.

I will be competing in the knowing where everything is even if I didn't put it there event.

Equestrian - boxing a stroppy chestnut mare. Catching an escaped pony who has a tendency towards laminitis. Speed shoeing.

Car jenga. (To be applied when going camping/similar and a shit load of stuff.)

See also. Fridge tetris 😅

Child bedtime toothbrush wrestling. She'll be six this autumn and we haven't missed a session yet (although I've had injuries). Thankfully the toothbrush tantrums are rare these days.

Getting a GP appointment.

Losing keys in a 3 bedroom house.

I'd win gold every time 🙄

Window gymnastics: closing the incredibly awkward windows in the office (ground floor) whilst balancing on a desk via a swivel chair, carried out at speed, hoping that the (lovely) health and safety person doesn't spot you....

Leaving the room silently after the baby/toddler has fallen asleep, in pitch black (maybe blindfolded)

Carrying a week's food shop in, including unlocking front door.

Washing up (time limit, plus grading on method, amount of water used, and cleanliness)

Dressing 2 toddlers to go outside in winter

Cutting your own fringe (obv non-professionals only)

DH will compete in the Triple- Snoring farting and belching. (He is a gold medalist )
DS is taking part in his first Olympic events as an adult- eating us out of house and home and chores avoidance (he was junior champion.
Together they are competing in Not Seeing the Bleeding Obvious.

Putting up a tent on a British campsite in a thunderstorm. Solo and doubles events.

Standing in a moving Tube carriage on the curvy part of the Central line between two stops without holding on to anything.

Putting on a sports bra on a very hot day when your body is slightly damp with sweat. Points given for contortion techniques, sheer strength in pulling it down in the back, and style for hip/torso rotation while trying to get the band to lie flat.

My dog could compete in 'getting off the sofa with a biiiig stretch' she puts her front legs on the floor, then slowly drags her body with her legs outstretched behind her until the tips of her claws reach the edge of the sofa. She has totally perfected it and would get gold in my completely unbiased opinion.

My old dachshund would have won the pandiculation event. Suuuch a stretch!

I'm trying to remember what all the events in the preschool pentathlon were, there was the nursery sprint, resistant hair washing gymnastics (a reluctant watersport) and the bedtime story marathon ...what are the others (or is it a heptathlon or decathlon?)

Going to a supermarket with a list of precisely 3 items on Christmas Eve, getting out within 7 minutes and outwith muttering oh ffs.

You’re on 😁!

Power walking.

(When someone in a vehicle lets you cross in front of them and you do an ample but awkward walk / run edition.)

Fitting things in the freezer. I always think it's full but manage to squeeze one more thing in.

@ErrolTheDragon love that word! I'd never heard of it before. Every day's a school day!

Oh, what about getting dressed after a swimming session at the leisure centre, points awarded if you can avoid treading on the wet plaster someone has left on the floor, avoid leaning on the chewing gum someone has stuck on the wall and involving a pair of tights. Top class athletes only. (its a dangerous sport)

@soupfiend do you compete in the doubles event with a toddler?

DC and I will compete in the floor and aerial tantrum gymnastics and competitive bedtime story reading.

Sorry, but I think mine already has the British, European and world title.... he's currently competing in the Olympics and on No.1 spot after 3/5 attempts.

My dog has already won the sofa laying on your back without moving marathon.

I'm in for car boot jenga and the finding things medals ...this very morning I made it through the heats by finding a bright pink t-shirt that was at the very top of DDs t-shirt drawer yet invisible to the eyes of both DD and DH

Also, getting suncream on a reluctant 5 year old, significantly harder now than at the 2020 Olympics cause she can run away now 😬

Amount of jelly babies to eat in one mouthful.

I shall have to make note of my personal best.

Tooth Fairy Pillow Sneak in a Boobytrapped Bedroom relay.

Superking-sized bed change, including fitted sheet folding.