Care home "rules"

[Yupthatsit]

One of my relatives is beginning to realise she needs to move into a care home. She's in her mid 80s and she's great mentally but looking after her house is too much for her, she's tired now and she needs more care. She has said she's ok with going into a care home but has refused if she can't go for a walk daily and can't get an occasional online shop delivered (she's dreading the food but knows she'll only be able to get salads and snack things delivered - things that don't need cooking).

We've spoken to two care homes so far who have said these things wouldn't be possible. They allow walks with family members/visitors but not alone and she won't get visitors daily to do this. She only wants to go for a very slow walk for about an hour and she's capable of this if she goes slowly with her walker. She does it daily at the moment. They don't allow online shops. There are other homes we haven't spoken to yet but they'd be a bit further away to visit which makes things a bit more complicated.

I've not had anyone in a home before so I don't know if these requests are reasonable/unreasonable? Any thoughts or experiences welcome.

A care home is not a prison, it’s the residents’ home.

My DM’s care home would have let her (capacity, physically disabled, slightly cognitively impaired) go out if she had been able to go alone. She had deliveries of all sorts (not supermarket, more like Amazon) which was never a problem, and would have been allowed a fridge in her room, but she decided against it because it would have been noisy.

However, the care home manager and her deputy were wonderful women with an understanding of risk management.

My great aunts lived in what they called a “residence” in Hull in the 1990s. One of them used to go into town on the bus to run errands for the other residents.

I hope your mum finds somewhere.

It will boil down to individual risk assessments. She could always employ a couple of people to walk with her daily. There might be someone a decade younger from the local church who might like the exercise.

My mum moved into a care home for company too, but it wasn't ideal. The majority of care home residents have dementia, even in funded homes, so the social circle for those without dementia is pretty small and most of those will be significantly frail.

Maybe seek out an extra care facility, with a restaurant and a good social vibe and onsite care options, or a retirement village?

My mother in law was in extra care housing. She had her own one bedroom flat, which was compact but really lovely. It had a wet room, a thoughtfully fitted kitchen, wide doorways, and was very disabled-friendly as she got more frail. All the residents were expected to have lunch together in the dining room each day, and a wide range of activities was arranged. There were no restrictions on leaving the complex and many residents went out regularly. There were also a couple of small gardens and an on site hairdressing salon. Something like that might be ideal for your relative.

I fancy this fancy place myself if ever in that position- close to where we live in Bath - cinema room, all sorts of activities, tailored meals , full range of care -

Mind you at£1900 a week - it should be pretty nice

https://www.hallmarkcarehomes.co.uk/care-homes/somerset/midford-manor/?infinity=ict2~net~gaw~cmp~PMax%20%7C%20All%20%7C%20Local%20-%20Somerset%20%7C%20Midford%20Manor~ag~~ar~~kw~~mt~&gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAABjeOlfBzQLgtLAGdHiIZKqOUjCEF&gclid=CjwKCAjw2Je1BhAgEiwAp3KY718FK2drCpXEw7spX1f4DW6bFq6RFXvojEBwJ9RanmE5SRBspVc86xoCxz4QAvDD_BwE

This is in Lincoln and I would really recommend it, or somewhere like it. My friends my is here and very happy!

https://housingcare.org/downloads/facilities/brochures/163124.pdf

De Wint Court :-)

Out of all the care homes I’ve worked in, none would allow a food delivery or allow the resident to go out of the grounds on their own.

when I did home care, I went into afew retirement homes (similar to sheltered housing, but not quite the same) and they are little bedsits in a block, but have a restaurant on site downstairs. Staff on 24/7, but not carers.

if you need personal care, then home carers come in. Staff in the building do give medication and there is a call bell in their rooms for an emergency. They also have themed nights like bingo etc.

sheltered living tends to be a bit drab in my opinion, but the retirement livings were lovely.

I know a care home where residents are fine to go for walks if they are independent enough. If the resident wanted a small fridge in their room that would also be fine as long as it passes the safety tests. So these places do exist.

However my concern is you say she is lonely and wants the company - I understand this but the majority of residents in care homes seem to have eg dementia. So they are full of people but I wouldn't anticipate that there would be many people there to develop relationships with sadly.

Assisted living perhaps and day care centres for company?

£1900 a week 😱

Thanks all. Lots of thinking for us all to do together.

My mum was in an extra care flat. There was a restaurant downstairs and a small shop, and a carers office, from where her carers called in on her five times a day (she was physically disabled so they did her personal care and cooked her meals).

But she could take herself for 'walks' around the park next door, she could order a disability taxi to take her to church, and she had online deliveries from Morrisons.

Anyone without her disabilities could be totally independent, but with the restaurant, lounge and activities available, and the security of on-site carers send an alarm button. .

Social worker here. People do & can go out when living in care homes as long as they have capacity & risk assessments in place. Some homes may prefer to not do this & I echo what others have said about people in care homes nowadays seem much less able then say 10-15 year's ago when I remember people like your relative who were getting older & tired & wanted company & made a choice to move into the home. Maybe look into a home that has 'day care' so there are residents who stay for the day to give their carers a break. Extra care is also a great middle ground. Best of luck

If she had carers coming in every day, and a cleaner a couple of times a week, it would be company for her.
Our cleaner always chats while she's cleaning.
If she can afford to self fund a care home, then financing home help shouldn't be a problem.
She does sound too independent for a care home tbh.

They have near us what they call an "extra care housing" facility. Every one (singles or couples) has their own room (rented) where they can look after themselves and cook their own meals (or wiltshire farm food meals delivered) or there is care staff avaialbe and a dining room (open to the public) for people who dont want to or cant cook. There is a long waiting list for it.

Suggest you look around for what care facilities are available in your area. Your local Age Concern will probably have a list and availablity.

Depends on DOLS asessments but a lot of people come and go as they like.

You may need to look at a residential home rather than a care home. The same joke may well have different parts to it but in a residential home your mother should be able to come and go.

https://housingcare.org/elderly-uk-assisted-living-extra-care-housing

It's important to get the terminology right. A Care Home means 24/7 care staff on site and there are 2 types. "Residential" and "Nursing". Nursing has a nurse on site, a residential home doesnt.

My gran lives in sheltered housing. She has her own 'flat', with one bedroom, a living room, an accessible bathroom and a small kitchenette. She is responsible for her own cleaning and laundry (laundrette onsite with no additional cost to use), but I imagine this could be done by family, or be outsourced to a cleaner on a private arrangement. Meals can be provided - lunch and dinner - either delivered to her door, or she can opt to eat them in a communal dining room with other residents. She is free to come and go as she pleases - she doesn't as she can't walk far, but some residents are out constantly. She can have visitors whenever she pleases, and there are units available by pre-arrangement for families visiting from afar.
There are evening activities (bingo, dominoes, things like that) arranged a couple times a week, and the communal tv room is always open. Most of the residents pop in and out of each other's flats for cuppas during the day.
Her flat is fitted with security alarms each day, and her front door can be opened using a code if there is concern that she has been uncontactable. It's the perfect blend of care and independence for her needs.

I know my gran's home is council funded (she pays extra for meals), I think the whole block might be - but there must be a similar set up in the private field.

Yes wasn’t signature but they were a competitor so similar level of provision.

Wouldn’t mind ending up in these types of homes myself. You have to have the money to afford it though! My god it’s expensive.

I think the best thing to do is to help her write a list of her 'wants' , so would she like to be able to have meals prepared, but would she also like a little kitchen so she can make a cup of coffee when she gets up in the morning and a fridge to store light snacks ? If her mobility isn't great then a kitchen trolley is invaluable for moving things around.
It does sound as though assisted living is a better fit for her at the moment, somewhere she retains some independence but there are people on hand if she needs help. I go in a variety of these places and they are always doing something, people can join in or not if they want to.
Another alternative is to get someone to move in with her, there are people who live in with people for a reduced rent and offer a bit of help with gardening/housework/cooking etc Not sure if its reached Lincolnshire but there are people doing this in London.

Sounds like sheltered accommodation would be the way forward. My gran was in there right up until she died pretty much. She could essentially live independently with a package of care provided by local authority that increased as she was less able to do things for herself. Social events every single week most days like bingo or fish and chips or quizzes but equally loads of privacy if you didn't want to join. They even took over the right to manage of the place with help from their children. Best decision she ever made (Google rectory court bishops Cleeve!)

Assisted living? You have your own flat in a building but on call when needed. You can do as you want, meet others in the social areas. The security with personal freedom. X

This is a list of Lincolnshire care homes. Some of them look like they have good facilities and gardens. It depends on the distance from you and what suits your mother best.

www.caresourcer.com/s/providers/counties/lincolnshire/care-home/

Needs a proper assessment but extra care sounds the way to go, as the care will increase as she needs it plus communal area, hairdressing, etc.

Just been thro this, we used a BUPA care home, think about costs rationally - 7 nights all inclusive in a hotel - at least 1500 - all laundry, cleaning, security, daily entertainment - another 200 - then add 24/7 nursing care from basic dressing and drugs monitoring to full on care - that 1900 a week is very reasonable !

What about extra care housing? Own flat and carers coming in to support, some. Have overnight emergency support.