Care home "rules"

[Yupthatsit]

One of my relatives is beginning to realise she needs to move into a care home. She's in her mid 80s and she's great mentally but looking after her house is too much for her, she's tired now and she needs more care. She has said she's ok with going into a care home but has refused if she can't go for a walk daily and can't get an occasional online shop delivered (she's dreading the food but knows she'll only be able to get salads and snack things delivered - things that don't need cooking).

We've spoken to two care homes so far who have said these things wouldn't be possible. They allow walks with family members/visitors but not alone and she won't get visitors daily to do this. She only wants to go for a very slow walk for about an hour and she's capable of this if she goes slowly with her walker. She does it daily at the moment. They don't allow online shops. There are other homes we haven't spoken to yet but they'd be a bit further away to visit which makes things a bit more complicated.

I've not had anyone in a home before so I don't know if these requests are reasonable/unreasonable? Any thoughts or experiences welcome.

a good idea would be for her to go to a care home for respite for a week or two so she can see what it will really be like before she takes the big step of moving permanently. The other thing to consider is how long she will be able to self fund

She needs to be in supported living not a "Care Home".

Sounds like she’d be more suited to a sheltered accommodation type set up rather than a care home. They usually have self contained flats with a small kitchen so they can store and prepare food if they want to but there’s usually a dining room where they can get meals if they don’t want to/can’t cook. There’s usually care staff on hand during the day if needed. They usually have a communal lounge and sometimes have events/bingo, etc for those that want to. Honestly a lot of care homes tend to be sit in a communal lounge all day with a regimented routine.

Watch out.
The flats are almost all for sale not rent. At the point you move on you end up either selling back to the company at a fixed fee reduction ( which might be a reasonable “ rent for the time you lived there “ or may not ) or you have to sell / market etc whilst still paying huge service charge ( for services you can’t use as the flat is empty ).

they can be a good choice but unless you move very early they are financially not good. Always look at re sales on the web rather than just the ones advertised by the development.

again we looked. Relative might have been ok in a flat when they moved in July 23. However thank crunchie we went for a “ suite “ ( very nice bigger room/ en-suite etc) in a home instead…. Did ok for a while , falls at Xmas - hospital - some recovery with physio etc but Covid - fracture - 2nd admission very recently and now EOL. But bring looked after in own room in “ own home “ by people that know them .

do not move anywhere where you can’t access easily good eol care when things change. Suddenly having to employ carers for a relative ( or suddenly having to accept them ) is something to be avoided if you can

Their way of discharging that responsibility is to curtail her activity and keep her inside, stifled both physically and mentally and under this circumstance she will deteriorate quickly. Good homes have trips out, exchanges with other places, and do an individual risk assessment, balancing the physical and cognitive benefits of the client retaining their independence. Hard to believe going for a walk is forbidden when there is no history of falls and the client has capacity!

Care home have changed hugely and are full of people much less able than even 5 yrs ago .I really would suggest she goes and has a respite stay but really supportive accommodation is much more what she would thrive in .
Great that she is so able something for us all to strive for

Depends on where you are in Lincolnshire, but the Tanglewood care home group offer bungalows next to the main care home which are independent living with the care close by. They are like little 1 bed flats with kitchen, bathroom, lounge and bedroom.

My DM is slightly older and lives in a Retirement Village. There's a gym, restaurant, cafe, gardens, hairdressers, bus stop outside and regular events.

If she ever does need care you can buy it in from the staff there.

Yes she is still lonely at times but she is out at events or chatting on the cafe everyday.

Look up deprivation of liberty (Mind has a good page - I just can't work out how yo link it). I think it's illegal to not allow someone out of the home unsupervised unless they don't have capacity. I only heard of this the other day because a friend's mum had to be assessed when she moved into nursing care.

Just adding to the posters who are saying residential homes - I've been looking at what is out there and if you're paying privately, which it sounds like it from her selling her house, then there are definitely places out there that would suit. Quite often they'll have one floor which is residential care (they can come and go as they please, there are communal areas, doors are not locked, visitors can come and go etc), then they have a different floor which is more a care home, with nurses etc to help people put of bed, getting dressed, tablets etc, and then a separate floor for dementia care.
Avery homes do some local to me and their website suggests they are national (possibly these used to be signature homes too, I know they've changed name). Gey great ratings. I saw some of the residential rooms and depending how much you wanted to fork out, they had room/studio flat, 1 bedroomed flats with kitchen and even a 2 bedroomed flat. (Pricey though!).

But the idea is that as they get older or needs increase, it's an easy transition to the next floor - not a wholesale move.

I suspect she doesn't realise the different terminology Out there so is saying 'care home' as a more generic thing.

The extra care near where I live has a cafe that anyone can eat use, a library, is next to the local shops & bus stop to town or the nearby park & bigger shopping centre. Exh is on the waiting list for a flat, all the flats have a patio or balcony & 2 bedrooms.

She needs one of the extra care type residential villages. You have your own small flat but there are communal spaces for residents, many have things like a small cafe and a hair salon on site as well as residents lounges etc so she could perhaps make a few friends and do some social things.
She definitely doesn't want a care home - these days most residents are there because their care needs are very high, many will have limited mobility and/or dementia and won't provide much that would prevent her getting lonely. She just needs somewhere with more community eg sheltered flats or similar.

This is just from a quick google of sheltered accommodation in Lincolnshire to give you an idea….obviously have no idea where in Lincolnshire you are.

www.audleyvillages.co.uk/sheltered-housing?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=pmax_scarcroft&utm_keyword=&utm_content=gen-property&gbraid=0AAAAADxXHbnBm8zXipctaIOwQ39fG7YEB&gclid=CjwKCAjw2Je1BhAgEiwAp3KY76lS5GQdX-rCgepAgD0bF6UTkfF34x257XtLxiLUXBGDGNNLDUk5DBoCLzIQAvD_BwE

Sheltered housing in a nice position with communal rooms if she wants them, and her own flatlet if she does not. She can have cooking facilities, and meals bought in.
She can also have carers in there if she wishes, and go out for walks and coffee if she wants a change of scenery.
There is usually a warden on the premises and a pull cord for help if she needs it.
There is quite a hefty monthly fee, but this would give you peace of mind, too.
Most you can buy at a reasonable cost, but there are usually some for rent.

As everyone has said a supported housing block may be better. My late MIL moved into one and it was fabulous. All flats within a block, a centrally controlled front door with a big fob so no tricky keys. Help onsite if needed 24 hours a day, and a breakfast and lunch club every day for really minimal money. Loads of the women helped at the lunch club and then in the afternoon it was nattering/ knitting or a walk into the local town for U3A. It worked so well for her.

I think your mum would be much more suited to something like this.

As @Starlightstarbright3 says o think she probably isn't aware of the difference between care homes and extra care assisted living. She probably associates a care home with a communal lounge and company and most decent assisted living retirement complexes will have these. And you can buy in extra care if needed- these will give her both company and freedom- as others have said some are on purchase and some rented- I doubt she will get the company she seeks in many care homes which are often for people with higher physical needs these days and more regimented than I think she is after.

There is nothing reasonable about an institution taking responsibility regarding walks off their own property away from someone with capacity - unless that someone has lost their right to autonomy.

There are some supported living/extra care sheltered housing where you have your own flat, and there are communal dining areas, lots of activities you can join in with (or not if you decided) but also have a care option if needed further down the line. The supported living accommodation in my area has a vibrant social side and the residents who live there a slightly more physically frail but are able to walk into town if they wanted.
have a look at MHA retirement properties, as this may be an option

How can care homes stop people going out? Wouldn't that be a deprivation of liberty and unlawful?

Of course it would be unlawful if there was no paperwork in place. The reality is they'd discourage it. And if you're able enough to safely go for walks alone, then you'd be too able for 95% of care homes.

@RawBloomers - if someone is physically and mentally able to take themselves off for a walk on their own they're unlikely to be in a care home.

By locking the front door.

Are there any extra care sheltered schemes nearby? She would have her own flat, access to a restaurant, and in the ones I dealt with, when I was a housing officer, care and cleaning were provided. The residents loved it. At one scheme the manager asked everyone what they wanted to have for meals, which were then provided and what activities they wanted. Again, she sorted that out. Nothing seemed too much trouble for her. Of course, payment was higher but I think the residents were happier. Ask your local authority if there are such schemes.

Yes - MIL's friend was in one of these, it was just right for her. Independence in one way, yet the company of the other residents and support from staff if needed.

My grandmother moved into a place like this last year. She has her own little flat with a tiny garden, but there are communal spaces and a hot 2 course lunch (eaten in the dining room) is included in the price. She is very happy there 🙂