What does MN think of how this turned out? (TW)

[PhantomSmoke]

We had an ordinary marriage. Then I found out my husband had been viewing images of child abuse

I’m a bit shocked, tbh…

I'm so glad they're going to ban sex offenders from changing their name. I'm disgusted that was ever allowed.

I'm also just enraged at how lenient these sentences always are. I know a man IRL (not a friend) who has a similar conviction and sentence to the man in the story. Ie suspended sentence.

Separately in the news in Scotland recently, a woman abused her power of attorney to steal money off her elderly mother and got more than two years in prison! Of course what she did was a crime and should be punished but more than an actual paedophile? The mind boggles it really does

Edit as I ynderstand the ban isn't yet in force

I think they are both minimising what he did and trying to make out he is somehow a victim .

Oh poor pale him! Just made bad decisions!

😡

She is insane to stay with him.

I completely agree. Both insisting that he doesn't have "a primary interest" in children but got there through "a porn addiction".

Oh, please. You are a creep and a paedophile, Matthew. It is irrelevant how you became what you are.

He says the police made him tell his wife which was a "twist of the knife" wtf.

Matthew, no one feels sorry for you except fellow paedos.

The man that I knew, his wife actually found out before they got married. And married him anyway. None of us found out until after the wedding and we were all disgusted and appalled.

I'm baffled why a woman would stay married with a paedo, and put their child at risk, but I'm not about to point blame at her. This is all on him.

How can she still stay in her job in safeguarding if she has actively chosen to stay with a convicted sex offender?

He also sounded very self-pitying (the police made me tell my wife "as an extra twist-of-the-knife" comment).

Some women stay - see most recently Alice Munro - I don't understand it.

Ah x-post mumoftwo yes, that criticism of the police comment stood out for me too.

He sounds like he’s parroting what his therapists have told him he should be feeling, I would never be able to trust him.

Also I noticed a discrepancy, he says they now have a normal sexual relationship, she says she has’t felt able to have sex with him again yet.

Shocking that she could look past this, but they both dehumanise the children being abused, she's satisfied that her son won't be abused by her husband, so thats ok.

She paints him as a victim of his porn addiction, and she's the loyal and decent wife. Even the judge saw that he was really sorry, so that's OK too.

Shocked also that her parents have supported them, but perhaps they had to swallow their bile to ensure they could remain close to their grandchild.

I don't know why the Guardian published this, but it's going to give comfort to lots of men who watch children being abused, shows that it's not their fault, and not that big a deal.

he says they now have a normal sexual relationship, she says she has’t felt able to have sex with him again yet

I shudder to think how that is working.

This poor woman's ability to stand up for herself and maintain boundaries is clearly non existent.

Furthermore, agreeing to write this joint story in the national press is all part of Matthew's creepy exhibitionism

Wow.

The bit I can’t get when he says… “I accessed the dark web as I was curious about the dark web and ‘stumbled’ across them.”

You would have to search for them surely, it says he went to a specific site which was closed down by police who found his IP address as a visitor. And he had 5 Cat A images. I think he knew exactly what he was looking for and it doesn’t really sound like he’s taking responsibility for that.

I also don’t understand why the newspaper has published this article, it’s very much making out he is the victim, what about the victims in those images?

Indeed how do you just stumble across something like that ?

I don't know why the Guardian published this, but it's going to give comfort to lots of men who watch children being abused, shows that it's not their fault, and not that big a deal.

That was my feeling as well, I was pretty shocked how gentle and kind it painted this paedophile. Like, hey! He was really such a nice guy, it could happen to anyone! He’s a victim here, and he’s really, really sorry…never mind he saved the worst category of images because presumably, they were his favourite?

Disgusting.
Poor man needs our sympathy.
That's the message this article is pushing.

It’s absolutely foul. That the this woman gave her story to the guardian and that they published it.

Can’t believe she bought the ‘oh I stumbled onto child abuse photos’ line and stayed with him.

What kind of a life is that, having security cameras in your child's room

Oh FFS. I think the line that hit me hardest is where she says she has a camera in their son’s bedroom. And then apologises for this not, as I expected because WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WITH A MAN YOU CAN’T TRUST TO BE ALONE WITH YOUR SON but because she is intruding on her husband’s privacy.

I mean, why the hell etc, but also does she really think that abuse can only happen in the bedroom?

She comes across as someone who’s been seriously groomed and can’t even see it. And that makes me very worried for her child and wondering how the hell she’s continuing to work in safeguarding given that she’s sharing a house with a paedophile sex offender.

It’s not called the dark web for nothing. No one stumbles on this kind of thing. Shame on the Guardian for publishing a piece implying that becoming a paedophile could accidentally happen to anyone. This guy deliberately accessed the worst images. Don’t believe for an instance he stopped accessing them either. He could easily be accessing them elsewhere. How could his wife let him anywhere near their son?

Also it might be better for their son psychologically that he doesn't know his father

He's going to get caught again. She knows it.

What exactly what type of porn was he looking for in the dark web?

Honestly I have zero sympathy for either of them. He would have had to search the dark web for this so I don't think stumbling across them is valid and I don't care if you are a poor addict, fuck off. She is putting her son in harms way and excusing and minimising a paedophile - she is disgusting and he's worse. Vile.

I know of someone who was caught watching child abuse imagery and he was released, off the sex offender registry and then went onto abuse a child. The reason he was able to do this was because his family minimised his online behaviour and 'he's not actually abused a child' - until he did

This.

I’ve never accessed the dark web ever. Why not? Because I’m not a paedophile, terrorist or some other criminal, and have no desire to see anything so disturbing that I can never unsee.

The dark web isn’t a pop-up ad. You seek it out.

I do know someone whose husband was arrested for arranging to meet an underage boy for sex and sharing indecent images with him. Turned out to be a sting and he was caught (that time anyway!) I suppose he slipped and fell and his phone accidentally took and sent a dick pic to a child. Could happen to anyone 🙄

Thankfully this woman had sense and left the creep. Awful bloody time for her. How do you ever trust again.

He is vile.

And she is vile.

She is condoning the child abuse by staying with him.

He is a paedophile and she is giving him access to her own son.

CCTV in their child's bedroom? To make sure Daddy doesn't abuse his kid??

Really??

Imagine growing up having CCTV in your bedroom because your Dad is a child abuser