What does MN think of how this turned out? (TW)

[PhantomSmoke]

We had an ordinary marriage. Then I found out my husband had been viewing images of child abuse

I’m a bit shocked, tbh…

This is so telling. Emily's absorbed from somewhere that this is in the range of normal - like "if it were a crime we'd all be guilty"

I'd be unsurprised if there were other men in her circle or extended family who have tendencies in the same direction. It definitely sounds like people close to her have convinced her not to judge her husband harshly.

In the case of the acquaintance I used to know, who got a suspended sentence for similar, his whole family were, to say the least, weird and bad at boundaries. The wife had been dating him since she was 21 and had adopted all their opinions as her own. I'm sure they'd all have contributed to convincing her that he was normal, a nice guy, just made bad decisions.

Whereas I and some other mutual friends had him pegged as a creep for years before it all came out.

The most baffling and unique thing about Emily's case is she claims to work in safeguarding. I wonder what that means, does she work in a school? Social worker?

Oh that's so cute, matching up a story about child sex abuse with an ad for a watch that oh-so-cleverly uses a double entendre about nice watches and porn.

Nice work there, Guardian ad team. Really edgy.

Surely this is terrible PR for the Lucy Faithful charity? I'd never heard of them but they'll be on my radar now. I presume they were behind the story pitched to the Guardian. Who on earth could have felt this was okay?? As so many on this thread have already said, it read like a pity party for the husband and wife, presumably supported in that narrative by the charity? One of the most ill-judged, sickening articles I've ever read. Poor Matthew now having to do 'manual work' and change his v identifiable name. Fgs.

Do you know what OP? I’m not surprised at all. Someone posted a link to the Stop It Now forum a couple of years ago and the amount of women that are standing by their husband who have either watched child abuse material or have actually abused a child, is disgraceful.

I don’t know what sort of person you have to be to stand by someone who does this. Let me not even talk about the men who are actually the ones doing the act. They should all be burned alive. The common ‘I stumbled across it accidentally’ line that is often trotted out is bullshit too! Not to sound crass but I’ve been watching porn since I was a teenager. I have NEVER ‘stumbled’ across any sort of child abuse material. Disgusting humans

The Guardian are completely captured by the trans stuff too. Many people think that will inevitably lead to a blurring of sexual boundaries, with lots of things we currently categorise as fetish and abnormal rebranded as acceptable as part of a spectrum of sexual identities. All pushed, of course by men and their often disgusting sexual urges. The Guardian may well be trying to pave the way for a return to PIE type public debate which promotes child abuse as normal. They certainly are actively pushing abuse of women's rights through the trans agenda.

Good point - suspect you're right that one of them is/ was a Guardian staffer. That makes me think even more this is all about edging PIE type views back into public discourse. If we swallow that men can be women, why not follow on with it's normal for adults to have sex with children?

There is no treatment for paedophilia. If you believe in evil, it's the very definition of evil - doing harm to others for personal pleasure. If you don't (and I don't) then it has to be a biological aberration. We don't have the brain science to cure it (yet) so the only answer until then is to remove these people from society, make sure it isn't allowed to become normalised by people with a personal agenda, and close off any and all opportunities for men to access images and children themselves.

Agree the Guardian seems to be keen to normalise abhorrent sexual activities.

That's shocking about the vet. I wonder just how many men are walking amongst us who have done this type of thing and have either never been caught (Jeffrey Donaldson was not caught until a victim stepped forward 20/ 30 years after the fact) or have got away with it through lenient courts handing out community service (possibly because judges come from that public school type angle which has historically normalised sex between adults and children).

I hope you're right and some good comes of this. But I am very sceptical about a paedophile's ability to stop in any circumstances. This goes beyond even drug addiction. It's deeply ingrained in their biology and DNA.

I feel like the world is increasingly dominated by men’s sexual desires and many women go along with this believing this is the new feminism, or being kind, or edgy.
Prostitution and porn is now sex work and a career choice apparently for some young women wanting what they see influencers have in their porn style social media. So many have Only Fans accounts.
Any sort of sexual fetish is to be openly paraded and the only thing which gets shamed is “vanilla sex”.
Pride marches have men dressed as dogs in leather porn harnesses and children are encouraged to attend and wave the bloody flag.
Men dress in women’s clothes for arousal and access to women’s spaces. They then insist they are lesbians and actual lesbians are berated for not wanting to have sex with them.
Strangling women during sex is “breath play” and force and aggression is exciting and spicy.
If older women don’t want sex or not as much sex as their husband demands (thanks to viagra) they are told to seek medical intervention because clearly something is wrong with them.
Women and girls murdered by men for sex.
Calling pedophila “MAP” just shows that this is next on the agenda for a PR campaign.
I am so sick of it all.

I'm completely with you. It's distressing how much the media ram it all down our throats too.

I worked as a solicitor for children and women and "a Safe guarder" for 20 years in this area

I'm not phased by his nonsense words, I'm not even particularly surprised by hers, except the starting statement. I TRAINED IN SAFEGUARDING.

That makes me want to crumble.

Where does that leave our children?

This is dangerous territory.

I'm going to read posts now. Sorry I just did OP then article

I know two women married to convicted paedophiles, though in their cases, it wasn’t ‘just’ images, they abused a young child in the family. There are so many more of these women out there than people would believe.

If you think about it, one in in 10 children are sexually abused in the UK. Obviously, some men abuse multiple children, but even if 1 in 20 families has a child sexual abuser in them (that’s before we even get to images), you know several men personally who are abusers. More than likely they have a partner.

The two men I know, they are a bit weird, but their partners come across as lovely. Church volunteers, very active in the community, well liked, lots of friends (at least before all this happened). They both got with their partners knowing they had been arrested/convicted of CSA. It wasn’t sprung on them 20 years into a relationship. One met him a year after his conviction (he served no prison time, he pled guilty to SA if his daughter so got let off with just a community rehabilitation programme). The other met after his arrest, but before the trial, and stayed with him through the trial and 18 months in prison.

Both have very low self esteem and are quite insecure. Had been single a long time after abusive marriages. What they saw in these losers, I don’t know. They aren’t attractive or charismatic. One is rich, so that must help! In both cases, some of their family have gone NC as a result (including us), but 90% of family and friends know but pretend it never happened.

One of them has offended again (indecent exposure to children) and partner knows (was there when it happened), but it was ‘no big deal’ as he didn’t actually touch anyone apparently. Denial runs deep. These men are very good at grooming everyone around them, and there are lots of women who will take any waste of oxygen just to have a man to parade around. 🙄

Would love you to tell us that child abusers are rare, a tiny minority, not the normal-seeming guys, can change, etc. But I know you won't because they are bloody everywhere. Hiding in plain sight. And if the guardian have their way, accepted.

@Superlambaanana exactly as you describe.

Thinking about this overnight, my own experience and opinion. Women do stay, usually either vulnerable, abused, no family network, no job, no money, no friends.

Here, there is allegedly a supportive family, a job, a child. It is absolutely astounding.

Focusing solely on the female. She has been trained in safeguarding? So whatever role that is, working with vulnerable people can be assumed. She is "helping" vulnerable people whilst condoning this in her own life. It's a terrifying thought.

"She is "helping" vulnerable people whilst condoning this in her own life. It's a terrifying thought."

It is. I get the impression that she (and the Guardian) think we all need to be more intellectual about this. And see that there is more to it than the initial revulsion we all feel. They are trying to build nuance and complexity into it.

The fact remains that all right thinking people are repulsed by men who are sexually attracted to children. And rightly incensed by those who act on it. Until we have the brain science to rewire them, no one is going to hang around to listen to nuance (ie excuses).

When the day comes when we do have a sophisticated enough understanding of the brain to cure these people of their perversion, it will be very interesting to see whether men submit to it. Or fight to have their sexual 'identity' recognised and accepted in the same way trans women keep their penises but claim it's not all about sexual gratification, when of course, that is all it is and ever was about.

And would know exactly the right language to use, the weaknesses in the Law, everything that could possibly be argued to get him - and her - off the hook as much as possible - she probably argued that as a Safeguarding unprofessional that she was ideally placed to monitor and safeguard her child and everybody else's around him.

It's the RL child abuse version of the idiot that keeps the family member turned into a Zombie in the shed because 'he's FAAMILY'. And everybody who has ever watched a Zombie Movie knows exactly how that turns out in the end.

She needs to be fired from her job

How can she possibly be safeguarding anyone at work when she allows an abuser in her home?