Can I tell you about my lovely new man please?

[StripeyBedCurtains]

I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years, and have been single for 8 years since. I never thought I'd trust a man again, or be interested in one, and I'd totally accepted being alone forever.

1 month ago I met a man, through work, and we started chatting for hours and liked each other. He asked me out, and I went, but very suspicious, not expecting anything, high alert lookout for red flags.

There are no red flags! There are lots of green ones! I've said no to multiple things, and he has accepted my right to do so (big and small things). He is nice to serving people when we've eaten out. He listens to my pov and if he's been a dick (once or twice only) he's admitted his mistake and apologised. He accepts my boundaries and has healthy ones of his own.

He just the polar opposite of my ex, he is so genuinely nice and I love it. I'm so happy. When I'm not talking to him I want to be talking about him, so here I am... I feel like a teenager again, but better because I was an idiot then who accepted shit and now I don't 🤣

This is adorable!

And you were no idiot.

Long may this happiness continue.

That’s lovely but take it slowly, there’s no rush. Date and get to know him. Hope it all works out.

Careful. Don't want to piss on your chips but you've been dating four weeks and he's been a dick twice in that short period. Take

Sounds wonderful OP.

Of course it's only been 4 weeks and you're comparing this relationship to an abusive one, so do be mindful of that.

But good luck, I hope you'll both be very happy

Thank you. I am being careful not to rush in or get carried away. I can't anyway because I have children 🤣

The being a dick was minor things. And quickly resolved.

I’m recently separated and I think I’m probably supposed to be feeling that I’d never want to go near another man again but at the moment I feel hopeful that there will be someone better out there for me so it’s lovely to hear a story like yours which proves it can happen. 😀

4 weeks in, he has been a dick already? More than once!
BIN!

Oh honestly. It was minor and he apologised for being a twat. I've been a dick too. People are sometimes.

He's a very lovely person. He has restored my faith in men. Which was pretty much dead, so that's saying a lot.

Fantastic news OP.

He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. It's so sweet and slightly geeky. ❤️

I wouldn’t expect someone to ‘be a dick’ twice in the first four weeks of a relationship, even on minor things. Nor would I expect to have to say no quite so often as you seem to have, OP. Are you sure your standards are high enough?

What did he do that was dickish?

This. He accidentally did 40 in a 30 kind of thing or he got wasted on vodka and called you a fat slag kind of thing? 😃

Yeah youre under his spell. Maybe he aint Mr Nice Guy after all.

Oh dear. I wanted a nice thread to talk about my nice man.

I am fully confident that my standards are high enough. I have done multiple rounds of counselling, multiple survivors courses, lots and lots of self development and work on myself and my boundaries and recognising what is right and what is wrong in terms of relationship behaviours.

I do appreciate the concern - mumsnet basically saved me from my previous relationship - but I'm not going to pick this apart on here, so I will pop off now and keep smiling to myself because I know I have found a good un, and I know I deserve the happiness I am feeling right now.

Thank you all.

Well good luck OP and I hope he makes you very happy. For what it's worth I asked for advice about a new man on here a few years ago and got a load of misery arses telling me he was a future faker, a bullshitter, a love bomber etc etc. The relationship didn't work out (my choice, no spark) but he was 100% a genuine guy in the end - and we are the best of friends to this day. It does seem concerning that this guy has been a dick twice already, but only you can judge. All the best x

Being a dick twice in the first month of being together is a huge red flag!

I think you’d need to explain what the dickish things were before posters feel confident to offer full congratulations OP. But - it does sound promising.

This

I was similar. Single 8 years after abusive relationship . Met my now DH, I always thought I'd never want to be with someone again but here I am 10 years later , married , dcs, and couldn't be happier.

It can happen.
I had my guard up for years thinking it was too good to be true , looking out for red flags etc.
But only green ones

It is such early days though! I really, really hope it goes well for you but please don't get too carried away. Of course a guy is going to be on his best behaviour one month in.
I wish you nothing but the best x

You surely can’t expect seasoned mumsnetters to join you in gushing about a man you've known for one month. Come back in five years!

He might be Mr Wonderful, he might not. It’s the fact that you’re so sure that he is just one month in that is concerning. You sound very giddy about him!

Enjoy it while it lasts, but be prepared to walk away if his behaviour changes for the worse.

Ah this was me 3 years ago, ex for 14 years. Single for 8.

We are getting married in 7 weeks! Still no red flags! Not a single argument either x

Ok, I am giddy. I think it's ok to be so, it's fun and enjoyable. I'm not a fool and my guard is still here, I am still looking out for red flags and will continue to do so.

Dickish behaviour - stupid comment which was fairly innocuous but in relation to my personal history that I'd related to him was a bit of a trigger. He realised in the moment that he shouldn't have said it and retracted it with apologies. Then came back to me the next day having reflected more and massively regretting having been so insensitive explaining why he hadn't realised as he said it and showing that he understood why it had been a problem for me. In ordinary circs it would have just been a silly joke and I'm quite tactless myself. I don't think it's a red flag. He admitted that he had been a dick, and I agreed that he had been. We laughed.

We made an arrangement to meet for a moment to share a quick kiss when he had a moment free in his work day, and he had to cancel because his work was more busy and stressful that day than he'd anticipated. I was upset and explained that I was and why. We agreed that we must not make arrangements to meet unless he is certain he can stick to them because I cannot handle that due to past experiences. He listened. I don't actually think this was really dickish - it's just life and I recognise that I'm hyper sensitive in this area.

I hope this satisfies the naysayers.

I do totally realise that this is very very early days, it may not last and that's ok. But I just wanted to celebrate being happy in a way that I had totally given up on, and having this wonderful thing happen for me that I wasn't looking for, or even hoping for, that currently feels like cloud 9.

I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with just enjoying this. I've never been able to just enjoy any sort of dalliance before without being in my own head and watching myself from behind my eyes. My flag radar is still in action, but I've found that in my 40s I can finally just have fun. And it's great.

😆 Haha, you're here AGAIN, under a different name, gushing about your new man.

We get it, you've found someone who makes you happy (some of the time, when he's not being a dick😉).

Thing is, are you SURE he's all he says he is? What's he told you about his 'situation'?
Married? No sex?
Don't believe every line you are spun.

Does he say his wife doesn't understand him? I find in these cases, the wife understands only too well. 🙂

He'll be a dick again and again and again. He can't help himself.