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Original poster

Can I tell you about my lovely new man please?

90 replies

StripeyBedCurtains · 26/07/2024 22:40

I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years, and have been single for 8 years since. I never thought I'd trust a man again, or be interested in one, and I'd totally accepted being alone forever.

1 month ago I met a man, through work, and we started chatting for hours and liked each other. He asked me out, and I went, but very suspicious, not expecting anything, high alert lookout for red flags.

There are no red flags! There are lots of green ones! I've said no to multiple things, and he has accepted my right to do so (big and small things). He is nice to serving people when we've eaten out. He listens to my pov and if he's been a dick (once or twice only) he's admitted his mistake and apologised. He accepts my boundaries and has healthy ones of his own.

He just the polar opposite of my ex, he is so genuinely nice and I love it. I'm so happy. When I'm not talking to him I want to be talking about him, so here I am... I feel like a teenager again, but better because I was an idiot then who accepted shit and now I don't 🤣

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 28/07/2024 11:48

Op you are putting him on a pedestal

calm down a little and work on your confidence

Mookie81 · 28/07/2024 11:57

I think he needs to look for the red flags to be honest. Confused

FedUpMumof10YO · 28/07/2024 12:20

This is the minimum you should expect but because of the abuse you suffered your concept of normal is warped.

Take it slow.

Everyone is lovely to start with. A month is too soon to have a proper judgement of character. But it sounds like it's off to a good start. Long may it continue x

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Original poster
StripeyBedCurtains · 28/07/2024 15:41

Mookie81 · 28/07/2024 11:57

I think he needs to look for the red flags to be honest. Confused

Ok - I'll pass this on 🤣

OP posts:
MaltipooMama · 17/08/2024 07:51

OP what's the latest on your new man? Hope things are still going wonderfully!

Original poster
StripeyBedCurtains · 17/08/2024 18:45

They are, things are going along swimmingly thanks. ☺️

OP posts:
MaltipooMama · 17/08/2024 18:54

@StripeyBedCurtains yay wonderful news 🥰 I was feeling very hopeful that this would be your update!

Original poster
StripeyBedCurtains · 17/08/2024 18:57

Thanks 🤩

OP posts:
NotTooOldPaul · 17/08/2024 19:10

StripeyBedCurtains · 17/08/2024 18:45

They are, things are going along swimmingly thanks. ☺️

That is great news.

PassingStranger · 17/08/2024 19:11

StripeyBedCurtains · 27/07/2024 06:35

Ok, I am giddy. I think it's ok to be so, it's fun and enjoyable. I'm not a fool and my guard is still here, I am still looking out for red flags and will continue to do so.

Dickish behaviour - stupid comment which was fairly innocuous but in relation to my personal history that I'd related to him was a bit of a trigger. He realised in the moment that he shouldn't have said it and retracted it with apologies. Then came back to me the next day having reflected more and massively regretting having been so insensitive explaining why he hadn't realised as he said it and showing that he understood why it had been a problem for me. In ordinary circs it would have just been a silly joke and I'm quite tactless myself. I don't think it's a red flag. He admitted that he had been a dick, and I agreed that he had been. We laughed.

We made an arrangement to meet for a moment to share a quick kiss when he had a moment free in his work day, and he had to cancel because his work was more busy and stressful that day than he'd anticipated. I was upset and explained that I was and why. We agreed that we must not make arrangements to meet unless he is certain he can stick to them because I cannot handle that due to past experiences. He listened. I don't actually think this was really dickish - it's just life and I recognise that I'm hyper sensitive in this area.

I hope this satisfies the naysayers.

I do totally realise that this is very very early days, it may not last and that's ok. But I just wanted to celebrate being happy in a way that I had totally given up on, and having this wonderful thing happen for me that I wasn't looking for, or even hoping for, that currently feels like cloud 9.

I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with just enjoying this. I've never been able to just enjoy any sort of dalliance before without being in my own head and watching myself from behind my eyes. My flag radar is still in action, but I've found that in my 40s I can finally just have fun. And it's great.

Have you met his family yet?

Sinderalla · 17/08/2024 19:14

StripeyBedCurtains · 26/07/2024 23:47

Oh dear. I wanted a nice thread to talk about my nice man.

I am fully confident that my standards are high enough. I have done multiple rounds of counselling, multiple survivors courses, lots and lots of self development and work on myself and my boundaries and recognising what is right and what is wrong in terms of relationship behaviours.

I do appreciate the concern - mumsnet basically saved me from my previous relationship - but I'm not going to pick this apart on here, so I will pop off now and keep smiling to myself because I know I have found a good un, and I know I deserve the happiness I am feeling right now.

Thank you all.

Good luck OP
I'm sure he's lovely. If he's not you won't be long noticing...

Enjoy it xx

Original poster
StripeyBedCurtains · 17/08/2024 19:34

I haven't met his family. They don't live nearby - several hours away - and I have dc which means the longest stretch of time we've managed to see one another is just 4 hours, because I'm not introducing him to them. We are waaaaaay off meeting families in any way shape or form yet.

OP posts:
JanefromLondon1 · 17/08/2024 19:51

Sounds lovely OP. Enjoy feeling giddy. Hope your new relationship goes from strength to strength and you allow us to be part of it posting on here as things progress so we can be happy for you. All relationships need work and there are always small things that will come up but it sounds like you have good open communication and that can only bode well for your future happiness ❤️

Justleaveitblankthen · 18/08/2024 00:19

Have you met any of his friends OP? 🙂

Original poster
StripeyBedCurtains · 19/08/2024 00:28

I haven't met any of his friends yet, but he has met my best friend and her older teenage son. She is very suspicious of men in general, and very hard to please. She escaped her own abuser many many years before i did, before i met her even, and she saw mine for what he was and helped me to escape him.
Both she and her son (who sadly has experience through his dreadful father) gave him the seal of approval and pronounced him a thoroughly good chap ☺️☺️☺️

OP posts:
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