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Original poster

Argument brewing with DH (teenager DD and holiday)

113 replies

PardontheFrench · 26/07/2024 10:51

I’m going to try and keep this quite short and hopefully unbiased as I do see DH’s point of view and actually maybe all I need is a little more advice on Y13 and what we should be prioritising.

Teenage daughter is 17 and starting to Y13 in September, very creative and smart girl who is considering her uni options just now. Unfortunately we missed June’s uni open days so we have made a point of saying that that we will prioritise October’s which I presume from looking online will be her (and our) last opportunity before she needs to apply.

DD’s partners family have been in touch to kindly ask if DD would like to go on holiday with them also in October. I think likely this will fall in the same window as the open days.

DH is a yes guy and I know is going to push to make this happen.

I’m a “I’d love for this to happen, I like my children to have all/any experience they can have but I feel uni choices are quite fucking important and she has her entire life to go on holiday” guy.

We are still in the listening to each others points of view stage but know I’m getting frustrated with him and sure he is with me too so I wondered.

How important are Uni open days (I didn’t go)

Would you be on board with your A level kid going away on holiday a month or so from mocks.

Is this a year for knuckling down and having exams and university places at the forefront or am I being mean and we should biting the hand off an opportunity for her?

(so not to drip feed, we would be contributing financially, DD is very clever but does and will need to to work hard for the results that she wants)

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/07/2024 10:54

She’s going away for a week at 1/2 term?

Whats wrong with that? She can take some revision with her.

Uni days, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t attend.

BaleOfHay · 26/07/2024 10:56

She's becoming an adult - what does she want to do?

MermaidEyes · 26/07/2024 10:56

Most unis have several dates for open days, so really you need to find out which universities she's particularly interested in, then look up their dates and work from there (you may find some overlap).
Regarding mocks, it wouldn't bother me if my child was away before them as long as you think she's good to pass her A levels and doesn't need a whole load of extra schooling before then. I'd take mine away in October rather than Easter/May when actual exams start.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

17 years old Families Secondary education
MermaidEyes · 26/07/2024 10:57

I should also add, I know several kids who have gone to a university they never even visited until they started freshers week!

mumonthehill · 26/07/2024 10:59

Look up the dates, we are going to some in September and some in the beginning of October. I think it is important to visit as she can see what it feels like. If she is going away October half term then great but I would not be taking her out of school at this time for a holiday.

summer555 · 26/07/2024 11:00

We've been to see lots of universities but not many on official open days. You can usually get as much from wandering around the campus/city and reading the course info online.

abbs1 · 26/07/2024 11:01

I went to uni open days which I found helpful to get a feel of the uni see what the halls etc are like, the campus and see if I would like learning and living there. Some looked great in the prospectus but in reality weren't so I'm glad I went.
Saying that in the end I decided not to go to uni as it wasn't for me.

It all depends on how much her heart is set on university and how much she wants to go look at the campus. Loads of my friends went to uni without the open days and said it was fine. My yr13 life was knuckling down and working really hard to get good grades. This was 12/13yrs ago so a lot has changed.

KStockHERO · 26/07/2024 11:01

I'm an academic. I ran my department's open days for eight years.

I honestly have no idea why people bother going to the pre-application open days - the ones in June and September time. They're really generic. Universities (mine at least) do a good job of fanfare but there's not much substance behind it.

Anything you're told at the pre-application open days will be available online anyway. Or, if you have specific questions, most admissions departments will answer them by email.

If you're DD is desperate to see the university before applying, a lot of departments will facilitate short visits and most universities have self-guided campus tours.

For me, the post-offer visit days are much more important and give much more substance about the courses and the university. Yes, there is still some fanfare and hard-selling but the stakes are higher (universities are trying to get conversions to "Firm" acceptances, not just applications) so there's something a bit more serious to these events.

I'd definitely go on holiday instead.

redskydarknight · 26/07/2024 11:03

Do check open day dates. There were more in September than October IMO (lots of universities try to get them in before the October deadline for early entrants). Some even have Open Days in August.

We found Open Days useful but treated them as a day out. There is plenty of material online these days - and offer days will also happen later in the year. I think it depends how far your DC is away from making a shortlist.

A month away from mocks would be ok for a holiday (my DD had hers the week after half term, so going away then would most definitely have been problematic!)

reluctantbrit · 26/07/2024 11:03

Depends.

We find open days important as we are not from the UK and DD has ASD, she needs to see it in person and can't rely on websites. I think all our dates are outside of the half term, most unis have several options but they are quickly full.

DD has mocks which count for the predicted grades before the half term so she has time to breath but she has a deadline for the final draft of her history coursework mid-November so she will be working on that. We plan to take her for 2-3 days to clear her head but otherwise she will be working each day. We looked into going away the full week but found it's pointless to pay for a holiday when she has to review most days.

Original poster
PardontheFrench · 26/07/2024 11:04

Of course DD wants to go she is 17 and has been offered a free holiday but as her parent and adult I’m asking advice on whether it’s the right decision.

Thanks everyone, I really want her to go, I don’t like any of my DC to pass up on a good opportunity. It’s just she is my eldest, we have never navigated uni or A levels before and wondered what was for the best.

OP posts:
TheBigStrawberry · 26/07/2024 11:04

Isn't she old enough to arrange all this herself? You don't even know that there's going to be a clash so I wouldn't worry about it until she's looked into it and seen when the open days she wants to go to are.

I didn't find open days that useful tbh, you can find out all the important information online anyway.

DappledThings · 26/07/2024 11:07

I never went to any open days. I didn't really see the point. I knew I wanted a city based one rather than a campus one and and detail about module content I could have sent off for (pre-internet!) but wod now be available online.

You can always visit and get a feel for a place another time and I would include the local area as just as important as the university itself.

FamiliaF · 26/07/2024 11:07

If your daughter is serious about her university choices, attending open days should be a priority. You could explore alternative holiday options for a different time of year.

Personally, I reccomend having a family meeting to discuss everyone's priorities and feelings and go from there.

CitrineRaindropPhoenix · 26/07/2024 11:09

We're at the same stage and we're going on a big holiday for October half term. DD has ASD so does need to visit but we're doing 2 open days in September / October and a couple of non-open day visits over the summer holidays. We've done a couple of proper open days now. They're useful for getting a feel for a place, particularly if it is a town you don't know (which is why we're making the effort to take DD) but everything else is available online.

maudelovesharold · 26/07/2024 11:10

I don’t think open days are crucial. Does your dd have an idea of where she wants to apply to? If she’s got her choices more or less sorted, there are usually offer-holders open days, once the offers come in. Also if it’s just to get an idea of what the town/city/campus is like, you can visit and have a wander round any time, and probably get as good a feel for the place as at an open day.

If the holiday is just a week during half term, I don’t think it’s going to have a huge impact on the mocks. My dc were always advised by school to insert plenty of breaks into their revision timetable!

theeyeofdoe · 26/07/2024 11:10

KStockHERO · 26/07/2024 11:01

I'm an academic. I ran my department's open days for eight years.

I honestly have no idea why people bother going to the pre-application open days - the ones in June and September time. They're really generic. Universities (mine at least) do a good job of fanfare but there's not much substance behind it.

Anything you're told at the pre-application open days will be available online anyway. Or, if you have specific questions, most admissions departments will answer them by email.

If you're DD is desperate to see the university before applying, a lot of departments will facilitate short visits and most universities have self-guided campus tours.

For me, the post-offer visit days are much more important and give much more substance about the courses and the university. Yes, there is still some fanfare and hard-selling but the stakes are higher (universities are trying to get conversions to "Firm" acceptances, not just applications) so there's something a bit more serious to these events.

I'd definitely go on holiday instead.

Edited

I think it depends on the course, we were able to rule out several universities based on the pre-application open days. The prospectus’ are very generic, don’t give an indication of the facilities, the staff, the type of course, how much teaching is online.

You need to be looking at the area, the feel, how safe it is, transport, uni accommodation.

Most of the open days are September/early October, so they’ll be plenty of time for a holiday.
you need to pre-register now for them, so that you get the first chance to register for the talks as they often fill up.

BarbedButterfly · 26/07/2024 11:11

She is 17 and it is her future so should be her choice imo. FWIW I didn't go to a single open day and had no issues. I used to work for a uni and we would have people visit outside of open days too

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 26/07/2024 11:12

My daughter is 2 years into uni. She barely did any open days but went to the ones after she put her application in.

Going to an open day isn’t something people must do to be ‘serious’ about uni.

This is an argument you don’t need to have. You are getting annoyed because he doesn’t agree with you. Even though thou admit your stance isn’t based on knowledge. It’s just your opinion.

Gelasring · 26/07/2024 11:13

I think visiting potential unis is really useful. More for getting a feel of the place you will be potentially living for 3 years - whatever is online will be best foot forward. Actually going and looking at the accommodation and how far it is from campus etc etc is helpful. You don't need an open day to do that of course.

I have a son the same age who disagrees and despite my counsel isn't keen on looking round or going to open days.

I feel at this age it has to be up to him though. All I can do is (strongly) advise and facilitate.

So in your shoes that's what I'd be doing. Get her to look at open day dates and consider visiting her potential unis if she misses them. She's almost an adult though so I think the decision needs to be hers.

MBappse · 26/07/2024 11:16

Holiday over uni open days.
Then you get best of both worlds.

You can see everything online these days, visit on another, random day if you want to see the place and then go to offer holder days for your 5 choices which are much more useful.

Moier · 26/07/2024 11:19

She's nearly 18.
I'd leave the choice to her.

ByCupidStunt · 26/07/2024 11:19

He's not her partner he's her boyfriend! 17 year old schoolgirls don't have partners - they have homework, and boyfriends.

I'd be inclined to just let her decide.

Blueberrycreampie · 26/07/2024 11:20

Could you not identify a few universities your daughter is interested in and visit during the summer holidays? Ok not many students there but you can find out more info from ringing up admissions tutors. Also, look out for HE fairs which are great for having all the uni staff in one place.

OhshutupRoger · 26/07/2024 11:25

My DD is going into her 3rd year at Bath. I took her for her 18th Birthday and whilst there we did a campus tour. You can do this with all Unis and then when she had her offer we went to the subject open day which was far more relevant. Wrt to holiday it is one week of the year, they need to have a life as well as study.