Argument brewing with DH (teenager DD and holiday)

[PardontheFrench]

I’m going to try and keep this quite short and hopefully unbiased as I do see DH’s point of view and actually maybe all I need is a little more advice on Y13 and what we should be prioritising.

Teenage daughter is 17 and starting to Y13 in September, very creative and smart girl who is considering her uni options just now. Unfortunately we missed June’s uni open days so we have made a point of saying that that we will prioritise October’s which I presume from looking online will be her (and our) last opportunity before she needs to apply.

DD’s partners family have been in touch to kindly ask if DD would like to go on holiday with them also in October. I think likely this will fall in the same window as the open days.

DH is a yes guy and I know is going to push to make this happen.

I’m a “I’d love for this to happen, I like my children to have all/any experience they can have but I feel uni choices are quite fucking important and she has her entire life to go on holiday” guy.

We are still in the listening to each others points of view stage but know I’m getting frustrated with him and sure he is with me too so I wondered.

How important are Uni open days (I didn’t go)

Would you be on board with your A level kid going away on holiday a month or so from mocks.

Is this a year for knuckling down and having exams and university places at the forefront or am I being mean and we should biting the hand off an opportunity for her?

(so not to drip feed, we would be contributing financially, DD is very clever but does and will need to to work hard for the results that she wants)

That would be a hard No from me, DD found it hard enough last year in year 12 missing college due to having flu and trying to catch up. There is no way I would allow her a week off during term time in year 13. I don't think college would be to impressed either.

Nope
She should not miss school.
And I advised she should choose holiday over open days at that stage.

Does DD's partner work or go to a sixth form where the holidays are different?

If not, I'd be worried that he thinks it's ok to take time out of school and would worry about him negatively influencing her in her crucial last year where she does need to knuckle down and prioritise work. Particularly as you've been keen to describe him as a partner and not a boyfriend.

Apart from her parents paying towards it....

Thanks just to clear up any confusion, I’m not a huge a fan of the word partner either but it seemed a fitting word to protect my DD’s personal information.

I am concerned about her mocks, I’ve tried to look online but the school website doesn’t seem to have any details about them yet, I also worry that they could be round about the time of potential holiday.

DH went out this morning and isn’t back yet but I’ve sent him my stance on it over WhatsApp, he hasn’t replied (about that at least) so I have a horrible feeling he’s still going to be pushing for her to go and this is going to end in an argument with me being the bad guy.

I also feel sorry for her “partners” family who are waiting on a reply from us so they can book their holiday.

Their DC is the same age as DD, different college and courses but nearish area, however obviously their own choice what they choose to do.

We have only been to one so far, however really useful. Her course can be ba or bsc, it confirmed which one she did / didn't want.

It confirmed she loved the campus just outside a city setup.

That means we were actually able to knock a few off the potential list and so we will go to a couple more in September. One being a place I have heard is marmite so to me that's a key one to see.

@PardontheFrench am I right to think BF/GF is at a private school, hence they can take two weeks in October? Most private schools have 2 weeks then (mine did).

So potentially their education is not impacted but your DD’s is? I appreciate that the lure of an expensive (free?) holiday is enticing especially if you can’t afford to do the same types of breaks, but I hope your DH understands that DD will likely NOT get permission to leave, so you could face a £1000 fine and it is very likely they will do ‘benchmark assessments’ at her school (marked over half term) for use in the UCAS applications. If she misses them, she will not have UCAS evidence etc.

it feels like your DH is being really foolish by not understanding the importance of this year and has his head turned.

Can I suggest you propose that you take DD and BF/GF away for a week post exams, and DH can start saving now. Perhaps with an initial contribution of £1000 that he would be saving by not paying a fine?

I'd leave her to make her own decisions re uni days and holiday.

We did uni days, it does help get a feel for the area/see the accommodation etc

I'd be more worried a out her going away with bf and family, do you know them all?

Most, if not, all take place earlier than end October. You also don't have to visit all your choices or submit ucas until January(with a few exceptions, assume these do not apply)

But no missing school time would not be an option. Could she go for a weekend?

I have a 17 year old boy and I haven't even met any of the few girls he has dated. The thought of going on holidays with a 'partners' family at that age is sort of bizarre to me. Why would they even want it? Why would the parents? I know thats not the point of the post, but it's not like you're depriving her of something which all her peers are likely to be doing. And unless the holiday is something extremely unusual or highly educational then she's not missing out on some great opportunity. It's a holiday, lots of people go on them every day. College choices though, they have long term impacts..

Seriously Op, you have to ask if it’s appropriate?

Of course it’s not ok.