Criticism over physical appearance

[1035tg]

I have three kids and try to ignore most of the insults etc that get thrown my way (especially by teen daughters).

But recently I have been inundated by criticisms of my physical appearance by my 10 year old son. I am fat (his friend concurred - they didn't know I was listening), have loads of pimples (why don't you pop them Mum? Can you please before my friends come over?) And now today I have dandruff which is gross. I'm a size 10-12 (only 5'5 and therefore yes am overweight), working on my skin with a dermatologist which has been a lifelong battle and had no idea that I had dandruff. I'm just feeling like a pile of crap. Is this usual for boys this age or am I actually just a completely embarrassing mess? Feeling quite down and pathetic.

Sorry, but I wouldn't take that from my kids, of any age. He is more than old enough to know that words can hurt, that parents have feelings too, and that everybody has their challenges with their appearance (and he can just bloody wait until he hits the zit phase.) Ditto with the dandruff.

Your body has given birth to three children, and it works hard to provide both you and your children what you need.

He'd be getting a bloody short sharp lesson in manners and kindness from me. Embarrassed about how your Mum looks, when friends come over? No worries son, I've fixed it for you - they're not coming over. Rude unkind little buggers can amuse themselves.

Agree with the above but also 10-12 at 5'5" is not fat!

If it is any consolation, I would bet that most children find their parents very embarrassing at a certain point in their development. You should remind your child to be mindful, to be considerate of other people's feelings, when you talk to them.

Wtf.

It's not normal at all to insult your mum whether you're a teenage girl or a 10 yr old boy. That's a disgusting way to behave. And your weight, skin, hair is irrelevant... It's incredibly rude to comment on.

What has been your response?

Wtf? Why are they such cheeky little shits?
How did you respond?
Id have hit the roof

This is a behaviour problem, not a you and how you look problem.

You need to deal with your son's rudeness not try and change how you look!

Exactly what @mbosnz said. Don't let them erode your self esteem like that. And size 10 at 5'5 is not overweight in the slightest.

Why are you putting up with that shit? My kids are teenagers and would never dare. I’d kill them and they know it. Grow a backbone.

It’s a mistake to ignore the insults and just let them do it. They should be getting a bollocking for being so rude to their mother.

OP he's ten. Slap him down and don't let him talk to you like that.

I agree with the others. Corrective action is necessary. For your sake and theirs because they are growing up into horrible people.

Do you actually mean physically slap him down or does that mean something else?

Is he hearing your dh calling you these things?

They can't speak about people like that. If they act like that when they grow up..For one, they'll get punched, and for two, they'll have no friends.
They need to be punished for using insulting language about anyone's appearance.
And lastly, I can't imagine how you could be overweight at size 10 and 5'5. I'm that height and only one size smaller than you and I'm skinny! Please just tell them they are rude and punish them. You're not overweight or gross or anything.

It's figurative.

Thank you. I just googled it and got 'to humble or reprimand someone'.

No friends over, no WiFi, no McDonalds.

Yes it means to rebuke someone.

Is he hearing comments about your appearance from someone else? My DD is 6 and when she's made observations about people's appearances I almost always remind her that not everyone likes to hear comments about the way they look, even if she thinks they're factual. I also ask her how she would feel if someone made the same comments about her.

Your son is a little shit and I'd be handing him his arse (figuratively).

Cancel their phone contracts and stop the pocket money until they show some respect. I would have been belted to kingdom come and back again if I said this to my parents.
Oh and 5.5 and size 10/12 is a long way from obesity. I'm 5'6.5 and size 10-12 and consider myself fairly trim

Sorry @1035tg that is awful and upsetting for you.
This is learnt behaviour though - have they seen anyone else acting like this, and where?
Is DS "friend" a bully and your DS was egged on?
What about your daughters, why are they like that to you?
Is there other nastiness in your household? DH?
If "D"H tends to make fun at you or put you down, your kids will pick up on it and think it is normal.
I'm also adding I have 3 teens, and this is not normal. Teen "embarrassment" about parents is usually (deep down) in good humour I would say and even if they are outwardly "so embarrassed" that we pick them up etc, behind closed doors they are nice enough!

Why are your kids insulting you? Are there any consequences for speaking to you like this?

As said above, that behaviour needs slapping down, very firmly.

They sound like nasty little shits, I'm afraid to say.

Well you could ‘slap him down’ or you could talk to him and find out a bit more why he’s saying it. You’re clearly not fat but he may be being bullied by cheap-shot insults and it may be making him anxious. I think he’s probably as hurt by the comments (from other children) as much as you are, so share that with him and empower him with some tools to deal with it.

OP, I really don't know how else to say it but... its really not normal that your kids are insulting your physical appearance? And you seem to be saying your teenage daughters do it too? Does their father or someone else in your family insult others/your appearance and they are copying them? This is really one of those situations where there's absolutely no excuse or leniency needed, you need to show them how upsetting it is to you, don't stay calm and hold your feelings in, they need a big shock or they will end up as horrible adults.

I have 2, now adult, sons. I don't remember them ever insulting my appearance. They might have laughed if indore something particularly outlandish, of been a bit embarrassed if I was showing too much flesh, but outright insults, never. Even when asked, the worst they will say id "fine" 😆

Where's their father and how does he speak to you? How does he respond to this?