Is there anything more boring than....

[JohnTheRevelator]

Someone who keeps quoting supposedly hilarious lines from films they've seen at you? Aaargh I can't stand it much longer!

Everything being "free" or "friendly". It's twee, simpering language.

Eg people who say "I am gluten free". I guess technically it's not inaccurate but it makes you sound like a rubbish scone in a National Trust cafe.

On the other hand, a scone being described as "vegan friendly" tells me nothing about the scone. It's a scone that's nice to vegans? What foolishness is this? Food is either vegan (in which case just use that one perfectly clear word) or it's not.

As for "dog friendly" cafes/shops - a shop can't be "friendly". A shop is a fucking building. And if that shop has me in it, spending my bloody money, then not everyone in the shop is friendly towards dogs, so that's not accurate either.

Haha! Before the Barrowman conversation came up, I had to endure endless 'poor me' monologues about various self diagnosed medical conditions, as well as imagined slights from friends/family members who were basically saying mundane / non offensive things. I always saw the Barrowman gossip as my reward for pretending to buy into the pity party that preceded it.
I sound horrible. She was a lovely, kind, goodhearted lady, but MASSIVELY over sensitive.

I was showing off about the flannel that happens about once a week 😂

Oh dear. She sounds just like mine. Too much time on her hands to overthink absolutely everything and then wants to witter on at leisure about it all. Not understanding the rest of us are working 50 hour weeks, looking after our children, doing all the running of the house and not having enough time with those we'd choose to spend time with. And then being perplexed why I haven't the time to bake and cook everything from scratch like she used to (when she worked 3 hours a week...) 😬 it's not enough I do 95% from scratch 😬

Can we have more Victoria Wood lines, please?

Asking for a friend…

My husband reading out the Sky TV guide. He does it when he's trying to prove to me there's nothing to watch, slowly reading out loud what I've already read.

People who repeat the same old stories time and again. (I really hope I never turn into one of these types or get stopped in my tracks.)

Asking for a friend? More like looking for me friend...Kim-bur-ley.

Do you know, I've scoured this store from top to bottom, can I find a side-winding thermal body belt? CAN I BUFFALO!

Our next doors had sex again last night! I mean I like a joke but that's twice this month. I could not think what the noise was - I thought the central heating had come on a month early- but then I heard someone shout "OH DON'T BOTHER KEN, I'LL DO IT MYSELF", so I thought it can't be the central heating.

And we weren't having 'isterectomies every five minutes like the girls today...if something went wrong down there you kept you mouth shut & turned up wireless.

People recounting some tale and arguing with themselves as to what day it happened. So that you can becompletely clear on all the details. Why, thank you! Jesus Christ. NO ONE CARES when it happened or even what happened at all.

I'm getting to the end of my tether with it. It's excruciating.

What are some effective (mostly) diplomatic ways of shutting down overly detailed mind-crushing storytelling? Does anyone ever just say Look, I don't need all the boring detail, just get to the bloody point?!

If it's really bad I have to sigh and look away or go for a pretend toilet break. But would love to just assertively shut it down.

OMG...my father used to do this, albeit in his case it was the contents of the pantry if you dared mention you felt the need for a light snack.

Anything to do with golf or diets.

Hmm...I find this more bearable if the person is older.

General example, old ladies I clean for: "And then on Wednesday, oh no I tell a lie, it couldn't have been Wednesday because I had the chiropdist in the morning and then our Angela popped round in the afternoon because she'd done me a dinner, so it must have been the Thursday..."

This I can live with.

Specific example, young lady (31) on an adult education course at college two years ago: "And then (enter FULL NAME of a person I do not know, have never met, will never meet, don't want to meet, along with details of said persons work experience and holiday plans for the forthcoming season)..."

This I cannot live with, although I may have embellished the last point, but it certainly felt like it.

Queueing up for what feels like hours at a food truck, they give some shit in a roll for twelve quid. You sit and eat it on a bird poo splattered rotting bench and get jostled by others eating overpriced crap. All the smells, noise, food wrappers blowing in the wind, seagulls attacking..oh and it's probably raining.
Nice lunchbreak.

@DickEmery I saw a sign in a restaurant recently advertising 'gluten friendly' cake. What would you make of that?! Gluten free, or full of gluten?

The last food tuck I queued at, I heard someone ask the lady serving "How are you now?" to which she replied "Much better, I think the antibiotics kicked in".

Funnily enough, her saying that coincided with me spontaneously losing my appetite. 😖😱😫

Was it the same place that was serving "Baked Cookie Dough"?

AKA, Cookies, FFS.

My counsellor suggested;

Hand up,

"Doris, sorry to interject but I'm conscious I have to go soon. I don't mean to be rude but I'm getting overwhelmed by some of the details here! How did it all turn out in the end, are you ok now?"

"John, I'll have to stop you there. Not sure if you are aware but I've not had an opportunity to speak today. I enjoy talking as well as listening. Is there something else we can chat about and make this a two way conversation?"

Needless to say...I've never had the balls to try these tactics.

In fact, what ended up happening was "JOHN! I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS ANYMORE! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO TELL YOU I NEED TO PEE FOR THE PAST 20 MINUTES BUT YOU'VE NEVER STOPPED AND MY BLADDER IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!!" and I ran away.

and also,

"Sandra, sorry to interupt but have you met John? I think you'll get along. John, this is Sandra, she's just recently returned from Spain! I think you have some nightmare public transport tales in common! Sandra, tell him about the baggage reclaim mishap..."

then slink out...

@Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong FFS that tells a person nothing. Absolute nonsense.

🤒😷food trucks are a definite no-go.

This is very specific to my dm , but there was nothing more boring than her telling me about what she did as a local councillor. I don’t need to know the specifics of local recycling schemes!

@DickEmery ha ha! I am always desperately trying to find ways of not sounding like a complete arse when I have to refuse a biscuit or a sandwich because I am 'gluten free.' But I do sound like an arse.

...Talk Sport youtube clips on tv every night for hours

😐

@WinkyTinky could you say "I don't/can't eat gluten"?

@Thedayb4youcame arghh! I forgot to mention the almost 50% chance you'll have d&v for a week afterwards!!

It's dairy with me, so I say "I can't have dairy" "I'm lactose intolerant" etc

So "I can't eat gluten, sorry" maybe? I get the feeling like an arse thing!