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Farting etiquette

129 replies

ByLoudSeal · 15/07/2024 19:11

I realise this is kind of funny.
I am very sensitive to smells. My house is a very small bungalow and any bad smell, or even cooking smells goes throughout the house and seems to stay there unless I air the place out. I had a guest on Thursday for over an hour, and there was suddenly a smell and it wasn’t me so it was them. I didn’t say anything and I didn’t make a point of going to open the window because I didn’t want to embarrass them but the smell really bothered me. I know it can be painful to hold one in sometimes but I wish they had excused themselves rather than just try to silently let one go. It felt disrespectful to do that next to me in my house. How do I address this with them? We are due to see each other again next week. Do I not say anything, or do I just try and insist we sit outside? What if it rains? What can I do

OP posts:
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Topseyt123 · 15/07/2024 23:32

Print an enormous banner to drape outside your front door saying loud and proud "THIS HOUSE IS A FART FREE ZONE." 😃

Or, just realise that this is a natural bodily function and everyone including you does it. Suggest to your friend that the two of you could have a farting competition next time she visits with prizes for whoever can do the longest and loudest. 🤣🤣

DingleDongBellEnd · 15/07/2024 23:36

Say Nothing.

Wincarnis · 15/07/2024 23:39

you could say..

speak up Brown, you’re through!

sounds better now you’ve had it fixed!

I’ll name that tune in one…!

Interested in this thread?

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RosewoodBox · 15/07/2024 23:40

I am chortling like an eight year old schoolboy here - farts and fart threads ARE funny. Agree re a livestream of post fart incident debrief necessary 💨 🔥

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 15/07/2024 23:46

@Whatevershallidowithmylife wait until you hit menopause... it's really not possible to 'hold it u til you get to the bathroom'. Most of the time you won't even know it's coming until you're engulfed in a green cloud!

momtoboys · 15/07/2024 23:46

What do you say to them next week?? Nothing unless you never want to see them again. Grow up.

Topseyt123 · 15/07/2024 23:49

Hang some gas masks up at strategic points around your house and make a huge song and dance about putting one on if you even remotely suspect that a guest might have dared to fart in the vicinity.

Insist that your guests do the same.

Newgreendress · 15/07/2024 23:49

Let it go

XenoBitch · 15/07/2024 23:51

FIre up Alexa and ask her to play "Linger" by The Cranberries.

Do you have to let it linger? 😂

Topseyt123 · 15/07/2024 23:54

XenoBitch · 15/07/2024 23:51

FIre up Alexa and ask her to play "Linger" by The Cranberries.

Do you have to let it linger? 😂

Alexa can fart too. Just try saying "Alexa, do some farting" and it usually obliges. 🤣🤣

OP could have Alexa farting away in the background the next time her farting friend visits.

BobbyBiscuits · 15/07/2024 23:55

I very rarely fart in public. I do however, nearly always without fail let out a large burp after eating. I do obviously cover my mouth and minimise it if in company. I think maybe if it comes out there it won't need to come out below?! Lol
But I genuinely only fart on the toilet, unless I'm having some sort of bowel problem.

lazzapazza · 16/07/2024 00:45

The correct etiquette is to lean to the side so having one arse cheek in there and rip for all you are worth. Points scored for duration, volume and the number of pitch changes.

lazzapazza · 16/07/2024 00:48

picnicfuntimes · 15/07/2024 22:16

I think you need a playlist on in the background (inspired by the “blowing in the wind” comment.)

I can feel it coming in the air tonight
smells like teen spirit
wind beneath my wings
wind of change
candle in the wind

Don't forget Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo.

Remaker · 16/07/2024 01:07

PiggieWig · 15/07/2024 20:50

Good idea. ‘If you don’t mind sitting over there Beryl, that’s right, next to the fan…’

😂I’ve got a mental picture of the OP rearranging the furniture before their arrival. Armchair under the open window, fan creating a cross breeze.

LSTMS30555 · 16/07/2024 01:22

BackOfAsda · 15/07/2024 19:25

At least they didn't lift their leg and yell 'get out and walk' or ask you to pull their finger.

🤣🤣🤣 my Ds lifts his legs and shouts your evicted ya haven't paid ya rent 🤣

Chelsea26 · 16/07/2024 02:08

BackOfAsda · 15/07/2024 19:25

At least they didn't lift their leg and yell 'get out and walk' or ask you to pull their finger.

Thank you so much for this comment. DP and I have been on the worst holiday. I broke my ankle, needed an op and our hotel was practically made of stairs so no good when I got out either.

Left the hotel at 18:00 last night to catch our 22:00 flight home. That got cancelled. Managed to book ourselves into a new flight at 04:30 so lay landslide in the airport for four hours

That flight has just got a three hour delay.

Your comment has made us both cry with laughter for about 10 mins, which we really really needed

HucklefinBerry · 16/07/2024 03:50

BusyCM · 15/07/2024 19:13

I think you grow up and realise it's a normal bodily function.

Eh yeah. But it's still not polite to fart right next to someone. Go to the loo or another room.

I get immediate headaches from some smells. Dog farts for one.

JohnofWessex · 16/07/2024 08:37

I wonder if the VIZ team are reading this?

Topseyt123 · 16/07/2024 10:30

JohnofWessex · 16/07/2024 08:37

I wonder if the VIZ team are reading this?

Hope so. It's hilarious!🤣😃

Maddi1234 · 16/07/2024 11:35

picnicfuntimes · 15/07/2024 22:16

I think you need a playlist on in the background (inspired by the “blowing in the wind” comment.)

I can feel it coming in the air tonight
smells like teen spirit
wind beneath my wings
wind of change
candle in the wind

Everybody farts

Whataretalkingabout · 16/07/2024 12:16

A Frenchman once told me this story:

The Queen of E and the King of B went horse riding. All of a sudden the Queen of E's horse let out a tremendous fart.

The Queen was embarrassed , not knowing what to do she said, " I 'm so sorry".
The King of B laughed , "Not to worry, if you hadn't said anything I would have thought it was your horse!"

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 16/07/2024 17:30

Been waiting all day to post this...

Farting etiquette
Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 16/07/2024 17:32

.

Farting etiquette
plutosnose · 16/07/2024 18:15

Wincarnis · 15/07/2024 23:39

you could say..

speak up Brown, you’re through!

sounds better now you’ve had it fixed!

I’ll name that tune in one…!

My late dad used to say 'speak Brown you're through' all the time. I'd totally forgotten until I saw this, thank you for reminding me of something that always used to make me laugh ❤️