Farting etiquette

[ByLoudSeal]

I realise this is kind of funny.
I am very sensitive to smells. My house is a very small bungalow and any bad smell, or even cooking smells goes throughout the house and seems to stay there unless I air the place out. I had a guest on Thursday for over an hour, and there was suddenly a smell and it wasn’t me so it was them. I didn’t say anything and I didn’t make a point of going to open the window because I didn’t want to embarrass them but the smell really bothered me. I know it can be painful to hold one in sometimes but I wish they had excused themselves rather than just try to silently let one go. It felt disrespectful to do that next to me in my house. How do I address this with them? We are due to see each other again next week. Do I not say anything, or do I just try and insist we sit outside? What if it rains? What can I do

I would be a little more forthright than that and asked them if something had crawled up their arse and died 😆😆😆

Unless your wallpaper started to peel off as a result of the apocalyptic stench then I'd just forget about it if I was you.

Alternatively you could always ring Fartstoppers. It's anonymous so you've nothing to worry about.

Your poor friend! For a wild guess they didn't do it on purpose. Don't say anything. If you're sooooo delicate, just light a candle before they come and leave the windows open.

@BackOfAsda what a thread - just reading this out loud to the husband and your comment has us chuckling! Not heard that one before 'get out and walk' 😂 rolling!!

You have obviously met my sons 🤣🤣🤣

How do I address this with them? We are due to see each other again next week. Do I not say anything, or do I just try and insist we sit outside? What if it rains? What can I do

I'm embarrassed for you!

Contact them before they're due over & just say due to their unacceptable farting last time they visited you're going to have to insist they sit in the garden and not in your fart free house

You'll never see them again - problem solved

Put a NO FARTING ALLOWED sign on your front door. A simple and classy way to let your guests know the rules.

OP what was the half-life of the fart? It can be quite off-putting if a "Cranberry" gets unleashed. Same when someone crop dusts in the office.

I wish I had not opened this thread now. I have a compulsion to click on threads that say poo think poo knife or farts snapped and farted comes to mind.
Now I've had to explain to teen DD why I'm dying with laughter and now she's dying with laughter.
We sound like a couple of hyenas.
Thanks for the laughs 😂

It's July. It's ok to have the windows open in July. Particularly if one is especially precious about one's guests whispering little bum secrets, Hyacinth.

This is one of the funniest threads I've read in a while 🤣🤣🤣

What do you mean address it with them?? You're going to ask if they dropped one the last time you met??? Ffs op. You fart, everyone farts. OK I would never let one go if I could help it around people but sometimes you can't help it, why on earth would you feel the need to bring it up with them, it was once it's not like they are gassing you out at every meeting 🤣🤣

@TheThingIsYeah ”the half-life of the fart”! Dying🤣🤣🤣

Tell them your house is a no-shoes house and then offer them some slippers and a pair of charco-pants without comment.

Social etiquette should ensure their acquiescence with both.

You should also wear some to make it appear more natural.

Oh I love this thread, I knew from the title it wouldn't disappoint 😂 😂 😂 😂

I’m worried I’m your friend! I’ve got IBS and frankly terrible wind. Sorry if it is but it’s honestly beyond my control and I promise the condition is worse for me than for you 😷

Was going to suggest opening windows before they arrive! Maybe a discreet fan on a low setting, blowing towards the window?

🤣🤣🤣

Good idea. ‘If you don’t mind sitting over there Beryl, that’s right, next to the fan…’

😂😂

Have you never heard the saying “wherever you may be let your wind blow free” lol.

did your guest not say “oh good one arse” 😂

How do I address this with them?

Are you serious?

"Fuck me sideways Brenda, you need pulling through."

I seem to be one of the few that's with you OP! I'll be quite honest, I would have opened the window. It's a natural bodily function yes, but there's also something called manners and they should have went to the toilet to break wind. Absolutely no reason it can't be held until at the bathroom!

This is giving Hyacinth Bucket making Elizabeth sit in the kitchen vibes 😅 Thanks for the brilliant responses everyone, the cats think I’ve gone mad I’m laughing so much.
Perhaps you could check their skirt/trousers on the way in and/or out for evidence of follow through?