Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

AIBU: sex offender at my social gathering

288 replies

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 18:36

Hi folks. Not sure this is the best place to post this but I value your advice. I have been going to a nice life drawing session for years. Nothing sexual about it, it's more of a social gathering, with music, a cuppa, bit of food, and drawing/painting with fellow artists. However, there's a man, in his sixties, not a professional artist, who makes me uneasy. He is always quick to befriend any young female attendees or models, and invites them to his studio or home for photoshoots (for portrait work) and possibly painting. I suppose some people would describe him as a 'creep'. He never asks males, middle-aged or older women. He also sometimes stops drawing early, moves position, and sits staring at the model (when female) as if in a trance. Now, I suppose there is nothing wrong in any of this - an amateur artist wanting to paint portraits maybe wants to specialise in young females. And maybe when staring at the model without drawing he is simply studying anatomy or light and shadow. Anyway, my uneasiness led me to do a little online research on him, and I have discovered that he was jailed for downloading indecent images and mainly videos of children, levels 1 (most serious) to 5, involving men having sex with girls, aged between 2 and 9. He was jailed for a year and spent 10 years on the register. I expect he came off the register around four years ago. I think I am the only one who knows this, and it makes me feel even more uneasy about him. But is there anything to be concerned about? All the models and attendees at the life drawing session are over eighteen. I suppose I should just let him get on with his hobby, but I can't help continuing to feel uneasy, especially when I see him swapping numbers with every new young woman who he encounters. I expect they are impressed by the 'portrait artist' wanting to paint them, but I wonder if they would be keen to pose for him if they knew what I knew, and if they knew he never seems to produce any finished paintings? Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for your time.

OP posts:
catin8oots · 15/07/2024 19:05

@SwordToFlamethrower

Not my club! I'm just commenting on the thread. Genuinely asking who you think the OP should alert?

TemuSpecialBuy · 15/07/2024 19:05

haveatye · 15/07/2024 19:04

I'd have a word with the organiser. He/she could draw up a code of conduct that says you mustn't behave inappropriately and that includes just gawping at the model or trying to take personal details.

I'd also imagine it might be helpful if the organiser booked older male models for a while... Might send this guy off.

This is a really good idea.

Practical and actionable.

If the organiser isnt willing to do that it tells you a lot.

Expecially as the models are like to confer a "trusted status" to him that they wouldnt otherwise. they aremeeting him in this professional/friendly / safe environment and thus assume he is kosher and can be trusted. Their is a moral obligation by the organsier IMO and I'd be using that language.

leeverarch · 15/07/2024 19:07

OhHelloMiss · 15/07/2024 18:44

He served his time

What do you think people will say or do if you tell them? Thank you? Ban him?

You're likely to come across as a gossip and could find yourself in trouble yourself.

Once a pervert always a pervert. This one has decided that children are too much of a risk, so he's now targeting 18+ teenagers instead.

OP - yes, you need to report this to the organisers of the group. They can then decide what course of action would be appropriate.

Andwegoroundagain · 15/07/2024 19:07

A few PP have warned that you can't just go around telling folks about spent convictions. I'm not an expert in this area but you can at least suggest to people they do what you do ie Google him. That way you are not doing anything that could place you in jeopardy

palomatoast · 15/07/2024 19:08

I'd also imagine it might be helpful if the organiser booked older male models for a while... Might send this guy off.

This is a great idea. I'd love to find a life drawing class that only has older men as models so it can ward off the perverts! Never found one though sadly.

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 19:08

The club can boot him out no problem. He's not covered by the ROA for a hobby. All they have to do is cite safeguarding and reputational risk.

This is not the same as him breaking the law though.

Thefaceofboe · 15/07/2024 19:10

TingeOGinge · 15/07/2024 18:56

I can't help but think the people who defend men like this must have the same unsavoury inclinations themselves. I can't see any other explanation.

I agree. “he’s served his time” is a disgusting attitude to a man who watches children be raped

PinkTonic · 15/07/2024 19:13

Sunshineafterthehail · 15/07/2024 19:01

I warned a neighbour of a SO in our area. I had a stern telling off from the police.

On what basis? It’s information which is in the public domain if someone has been convicted.

I get that starting a vigilante group wouldn’t go down well, but informing a friend or neighbour isn’t a police matter surely?

Sunshineafterthehail · 15/07/2024 19:15

Apparently I was jeopardising his chance of rehabilitation... I told a woman who had 4 dc including 3 girls...

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 19:17

Sunshineafterthehail · 15/07/2024 19:15

Apparently I was jeopardising his chance of rehabilitation... I told a woman who had 4 dc including 3 girls...

Was he living with it in a relationship with this woman? What was the specific threat to her daughters?

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 19:18

*or in

Runsyd · 15/07/2024 19:18

OhHelloMiss · 15/07/2024 18:44

He served his time

What do you think people will say or do if you tell them? Thank you? Ban him?

You're likely to come across as a gossip and could find yourself in trouble yourself.

He served his time

Oh, that's okay then. Everyone should just put up with his creepy, sleazy behaviour because he's apparently atoned for all the child porn he peddled.

Berga · 15/07/2024 19:18

OhHelloMiss · 15/07/2024 18:44

He served his time

What do you think people will say or do if you tell them? Thank you? Ban him?

You're likely to come across as a gossip and could find yourself in trouble yourself.

Served his time? Oh that's ok then, magically cured of any tendencies to watch toddlers being raped. To incite other paedophiles to carry out these abbhorent crimes by being part of a network to access such videos - category one no less. But he got a year so he served his time.

Personally I would be telling everyone so they can make their own decisions. I don't trust the police so would care one iota if they 'told me off' for it. I'd tell them to save their time, resources and efforts for rapists and paedophiles.

AppropriateAdult · 15/07/2024 19:19

What age/sex is the person running the class? I find it very strange that this man is allowed to sit gawping at a naked model for prolonged periods while not drawing, and nothing has been said to him yet. It must be incredibly uncomfortable for the model.

I mean, sure, it's possible that this convicted sex offender has a totally unrelated, completely non-sexual interest in life drawing which doesn't titillate him in the slightest. Would be a pretty big coincidence, though...

Runsyd · 15/07/2024 19:20

Sunshineafterthehail · 15/07/2024 19:15

Apparently I was jeopardising his chance of rehabilitation... I told a woman who had 4 dc including 3 girls...

I'd think the police were on extremely dodgy ground. It's a free country and you can tell the truth to whoever you like, surely?

Ancestrysos · 15/07/2024 19:20

@OhHelloMiss

He served his time

Fuck right off with this bollocks. So society should welcome him with open arms? Do it publicly, do it anonymously but please do out him op. Sicko. & still dribbling over young girls makes me want to vomit. No shame.

MrMucker · 15/07/2024 19:20

He's not actually "targetting" anyone.
He's exploiting the fact that people can pay to sit around in constructed lighting looking at a completely still person with no clothes on.
And if he's just sitting there perving and not actually drawing anything he'd quite obviously stand out and be noticed. So I assume he does actually draw something?
You can't accuse this man of anything if he's doing what everybody else came to do.
The models could be instructed to not exchange personal details.

BiscuityBoyle · 15/07/2024 19:20

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 18:48

Sounds like his conviction is now spent. And he is not on the SOR. And he isn't participating in regulated activity with children or vulnerable adults.

What's the problem?

He’s a rapist and a peado. It’s very simple what the problem is. Don’t pretend you’d be happy if you were the one naked with him staring at you.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/07/2024 19:22

This would make me uneasy, too. I support rehab and having paid the price. Yes, he deserves to get on with his life. But, this just is a massive red flag. I might be tempted to discuss with police for advice. It's a tough one since as far as you know nothing has happened. 🤷‍♀️

Donotneedit · 15/07/2024 19:23

You would think someone running a class like that would be legally obliged to do some sort of risk assessment and I would say the risk to the models is unacceptably high in this instance. You could also speak to the police and see if they’ve got someone keeping an eye on him, he may be breaching rules he is supposed to be following, but yeah, for sure I would be amazed if there wasn’t a duty of care from the person running the class. This is not about punishment, there is no evidence that people can be rehabilitated from behaviour like this and clearly he’s being a fucking creep, it’s a safeguarding issue

apeachandapear · 15/07/2024 19:25

Borgonzola · 15/07/2024 18:46

Men don't have sex with girls under 16, they rape them. He's a rapist and as someone who has unfortunately got experience in this game, I'd not have anything to do with him or anyone who spent time with him ever again.

You're right.

He's viewing (and therefore contributing to the trade) of men raping children. Words fail me. I'd be emailing everyone in the group including the tutor and if he wasn't kicked out of the group then I'd leave.
I couldn't knowingly share the same oxygen with him.

JanglingJack · 15/07/2024 19:25

Borgonzola · 15/07/2024 18:46

Men don't have sex with girls under 16, they rape them. He's a rapist and as someone who has unfortunately got experience in this game, I'd not have anything to do with him or anyone who spent time with him ever again.

Where does it say he's raped anybody?

We have a local adult drawing class, unfortunately (to me) the girls are very provocative. It's attracts many a many who like to see naked adult women - as is the case here.

Surely he's better off doing something completely legal and open, rather than downloading child sex abuse pictures.

It would make me feel sick being near him, but he's not actually doing anything wrong.

Donotneedit · 15/07/2024 19:25

Sunshineafterthehail · 15/07/2024 19:15

Apparently I was jeopardising his chance of rehabilitation... I told a woman who had 4 dc including 3 girls...

Boys get sexually abused as well

apeachandapear · 15/07/2024 19:26

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 18:48

Sounds like his conviction is now spent. And he is not on the SOR. And he isn't participating in regulated activity with children or vulnerable adults.

What's the problem?

Yeah no problem Confused

Berga · 15/07/2024 19:26

Suddenly occured to me to check - the life drawing class isn't held in an FE college is it? Because that would actually be a safeguarding risk you can report to them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread