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AIBU: sex offender at my social gathering

288 replies

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 18:36

Hi folks. Not sure this is the best place to post this but I value your advice. I have been going to a nice life drawing session for years. Nothing sexual about it, it's more of a social gathering, with music, a cuppa, bit of food, and drawing/painting with fellow artists. However, there's a man, in his sixties, not a professional artist, who makes me uneasy. He is always quick to befriend any young female attendees or models, and invites them to his studio or home for photoshoots (for portrait work) and possibly painting. I suppose some people would describe him as a 'creep'. He never asks males, middle-aged or older women. He also sometimes stops drawing early, moves position, and sits staring at the model (when female) as if in a trance. Now, I suppose there is nothing wrong in any of this - an amateur artist wanting to paint portraits maybe wants to specialise in young females. And maybe when staring at the model without drawing he is simply studying anatomy or light and shadow. Anyway, my uneasiness led me to do a little online research on him, and I have discovered that he was jailed for downloading indecent images and mainly videos of children, levels 1 (most serious) to 5, involving men having sex with girls, aged between 2 and 9. He was jailed for a year and spent 10 years on the register. I expect he came off the register around four years ago. I think I am the only one who knows this, and it makes me feel even more uneasy about him. But is there anything to be concerned about? All the models and attendees at the life drawing session are over eighteen. I suppose I should just let him get on with his hobby, but I can't help continuing to feel uneasy, especially when I see him swapping numbers with every new young woman who he encounters. I expect they are impressed by the 'portrait artist' wanting to paint them, but I wonder if they would be keen to pose for him if they knew what I knew, and if they knew he never seems to produce any finished paintings? Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for your time.

OP posts:
LadyCrumpet · 15/07/2024 18:55

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 18:48

Sounds like his conviction is now spent. And he is not on the SOR. And he isn't participating in regulated activity with children or vulnerable adults.

What's the problem?

What's the problem?

PerkyMintDeer · 15/07/2024 18:56

I've been in this situation with a child rapist and serial abuser. He was targeting 18 year olds and teenage mums at my hobby. He was overly physically attentive, making sexual innuendo all the time, tracking us down on social media etc. Most of us found him to be a creepy person but the occasional person would get sucked in by his "charm" and be flattered or be vulnerable and he was a "father figure".

It's at the group's discretion but I was warned severely that he was entitled to a life and that I ran the risk of being made subject of a harassment order. I chose to leave in the end. I reported it to the Local Authority Safeguarding of Vulnerable Adults (as he mainly targeted pretty, young looking disabled 18-21 year olds) and asked on the non-urgent police line and was told every time that it was basically none of my business and I was making a nuisance of myself and that both he and the young women were entitled to relationships. The (male) organisers thought he was a "top bloke" and "he's not raping anyone here, is he?".

KateDelRick · 15/07/2024 18:56

Men like him ensure that this sick trade continues, and that children get raped for money. That's what he's done.
People need to know.
Oh and good detective work 👍

TemuSpecialBuy · 15/07/2024 18:56

If my 18 year old daughter was posing for this fucking creepy pervert unsurprisingly yes i would want her to be told.

And 🥇on the spidey senses and subsequent detective work. Now you just need to follow through to the finish amd make people aware.

TingeOGinge · 15/07/2024 18:56

I can't help but think the people who defend men like this must have the same unsavoury inclinations themselves. I can't see any other explanation.

andweallsingalong · 15/07/2024 18:57

I would descretely mention it to the class teacher.

Nobody should be swapping numbers with young models. There is a big difference between life modelling in a classroom and in a private home.

Sounds like this has identified a worrying practice.

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 18:57

Is the life model vulnerable in any way? Presumably not. In which case she must know the risks.

I'm not defending this nasty little pervert but just pointing out that 'legally' he is not doing anything wrong.

TheShellBeach · 15/07/2024 18:58

OhHelloMiss · 15/07/2024 18:44

He served his time

What do you think people will say or do if you tell them? Thank you? Ban him?

You're likely to come across as a gossip and could find yourself in trouble yourself.

He served his time?
Paedophiles don't stop being paedophiles when their sentences are completed.

They remain dangerous. Their recidivism rates are very high.

PerkyMintDeer · 15/07/2024 18:59

TingeOGinge · 15/07/2024 18:56

I can't help but think the people who defend men like this must have the same unsavoury inclinations themselves. I can't see any other explanation.

IME they blame the women/girls.

"Men get accused falsely all the time these days. She probably led him on. Have you SEEN what young lasses are wearing these days?" etc 😡😢

KateDelRick · 15/07/2024 18:59

TheShellBeach · 15/07/2024 18:58

He served his time?
Paedophiles don't stop being paedophiles when their sentences are completed.

They remain dangerous. Their recidivism rates are very high.

Exactly.

KateDelRick · 15/07/2024 18:59

PerkyMintDeer · 15/07/2024 18:59

IME they blame the women/girls.

"Men get accused falsely all the time these days. She probably led him on. Have you SEEN what young lasses are wearing these days?" etc 😡😢

Can you imagine the victim blaming of a life model?

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/07/2024 19:00

Alert the relevant people

gokartdillydilly · 15/07/2024 19:00

My sister is in the Police. She says 'if you think it, say it'. That means report it in any way you feel comfortable to the course leader. Report report report.

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 19:01

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/07/2024 19:00

Alert the relevant people

And who would they be?

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/07/2024 19:01

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 18:54

Wow, thanks for your messages so far. Plenty to think about. Just to be clear, it was downloading of images, so I believe he is a paedophile, but not a rapist. Although downloading that material obviously helps keeps that awful exploitation of children going.

So what? He hasn't been caught assaulting children, high chance he has though

OfDragonsDeep · 15/07/2024 19:01

Why on earth would people defend this?! If I was a member I would want to know and if the leaders didn’t do anything about it I would stop going.

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/07/2024 19:01

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 19:01

And who would they be?

You tell me! The organisers. Its your club

Sunshineafterthehail · 15/07/2024 19:01

I warned a neighbour of a SO in our area. I had a stern telling off from the police.

NDerbys32 · 15/07/2024 19:02

Crimestoppers is free. You can report concerns on there with no need to identify who you are at all, either on the phone or on line. If you are uneasy, then please send that information in.
Information like that may be important and may support other information provided from another source.
Grooming is carried out in many different ways. If you had asked me in person, this is what I'd be advising you. Your group may be an adult group, but they may also have children.

Beginningless · 15/07/2024 19:02

I think if he were just getting along with the class and behaving appropriately, I’d be inclined to say he’s served his time, leave him be. But he’s not. He’s displaying sex offender behaviour! I’d approach the class organiser and say what you’ve said here. You’ve observed behaviour that makes you uncomfortable which led to what you’ve learned.

Most sexual offending isn’t successfully prosecuted. Probably what he’s been convicted of is only a part of the picture and he’s clearly got an interest in young women from what you’ve said.

palomatoast · 15/07/2024 19:03

Sunshineafterthehail · 15/07/2024 19:01

I warned a neighbour of a SO in our area. I had a stern telling off from the police.

I'm sorry but the police, and their track record, can go fuck themselves. Women need to protect other women and girls.

Sofuk · 15/07/2024 19:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

haveatye · 15/07/2024 19:04

I'd have a word with the organiser. He/she could draw up a code of conduct that says you mustn't behave inappropriately and that includes just gawping at the model or trying to take personal details.

I'd also imagine it might be helpful if the organiser booked older male models for a while... Might send this guy off.

tsmainsqueeze · 15/07/2024 19:04

catin8oots · 15/07/2024 18:48

Sounds like his conviction is now spent. And he is not on the SOR. And he isn't participating in regulated activity with children or vulnerable adults.

What's the problem?

Would you be happy with this man ogling your 18 year old daughter ? i know i wouldn't .
I don't know the answer, i can see the op is in a difficult position but i find your 'what's the problem' rather blase , prison cannot wipe this monsters brain clear of his deviations, he is probably still dangerous.
I think op you have to tell someone knowing he is alone sometimes with these women.
I think the majority of people would not want to spend their social time with a sex offender and probably wouldn't care if his exposure and expulsion from the group upset him.

Feckedupbundle · 15/07/2024 19:05

I would definitely tell the class organiser or teacher. Anonymously if need be.
A friend works with sex offenders. From what she's told me,they all have an excuse such as "I found the child abuse website by accident" ,"I was falsely accused of rape" " She told me that she was 18 and I believed her", " my ex wife made up allegations to get back at me". None of them seem to accept that what they've done is wrong and previous posters are right,sex offenders don't change,the recidivism rate is very very high.