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AIBU: sex offender at my social gathering

288 replies

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 18:36

Hi folks. Not sure this is the best place to post this but I value your advice. I have been going to a nice life drawing session for years. Nothing sexual about it, it's more of a social gathering, with music, a cuppa, bit of food, and drawing/painting with fellow artists. However, there's a man, in his sixties, not a professional artist, who makes me uneasy. He is always quick to befriend any young female attendees or models, and invites them to his studio or home for photoshoots (for portrait work) and possibly painting. I suppose some people would describe him as a 'creep'. He never asks males, middle-aged or older women. He also sometimes stops drawing early, moves position, and sits staring at the model (when female) as if in a trance. Now, I suppose there is nothing wrong in any of this - an amateur artist wanting to paint portraits maybe wants to specialise in young females. And maybe when staring at the model without drawing he is simply studying anatomy or light and shadow. Anyway, my uneasiness led me to do a little online research on him, and I have discovered that he was jailed for downloading indecent images and mainly videos of children, levels 1 (most serious) to 5, involving men having sex with girls, aged between 2 and 9. He was jailed for a year and spent 10 years on the register. I expect he came off the register around four years ago. I think I am the only one who knows this, and it makes me feel even more uneasy about him. But is there anything to be concerned about? All the models and attendees at the life drawing session are over eighteen. I suppose I should just let him get on with his hobby, but I can't help continuing to feel uneasy, especially when I see him swapping numbers with every new young woman who he encounters. I expect they are impressed by the 'portrait artist' wanting to paint them, but I wonder if they would be keen to pose for him if they knew what I knew, and if they knew he never seems to produce any finished paintings? Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for your time.

OP posts:
5128gap · 15/07/2024 22:17

You can't let young women go to the home of a convicted sex offender without telling them that's what he is. Those young women and their right to make an informed choice about who they are naked and vulnerable in front of matter a great deal more than this man's rights, privacy or freedoms.

User7013 · 15/07/2024 22:23

For sex offences you can never finish serving your time - it would always show up on an enhanced CRB check.

Instead of outing him the kinder thing to do would be to warn him off. If there were a way to send him an anonymous note suggesting considering his history he might not want to continue attending.

That's if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. At best he sounds like Leonardo DiCaprio, at worst he's a danger.

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 22:24

I largely agree with you all and will be informing the organiser. I'm not defending but I just want to stress that the women who come to his home pose for clothed portraits, not nudes, but I suppose you never know what he might try to talk them into... I don't know if money is involved.

OP posts:
colouredpencils · 15/07/2024 22:26

Hi I also attend a life drawing group and we had a similar issue. A man in his 40s started to attend and he also did some life modelling for us.

He seemed to make a beeline for the young female models talking to them showing them his photos on his phone and inviting them to pose for him - never the older models or the male models. Most people felt uncomfortable around him and then some of the young models complained that he was a bit creepy not explicitly inappropriate but talking about their body, how pretty etc they were.

We had a discussion about him and the general consensus was that he should be barred as he was upsetting some of the models who were thinking of stopping modelling for us because they were upset by his behaviour towards them . He wasn't happy about his but we don't want to lose good models because of the behaviour of one person. He might have been just a bit odd but he was making people, models and artists alike uncomfortable.

Trust your instincts, I say
ps some of the artists ask the models to pose for them privately for portrait too and it’s always been a professional relationship with no concerns. You know if someone is to be trusted

PCBabies · 15/07/2024 22:33

@MrMucker

An actual paedo apologist on MN. Excellent.

We're not allowed to define what a biological woman is but friends of nonces are fine.

DampDust · 15/07/2024 22:36

Another2Cats · 15/07/2024 22:15

Really? You appear to not even have read the OP:

"He was jailed for a year and spent 10 years on the register. I expect he came off the register around four years ago."

and you then said:

"I would inform the police and they will intervene. He must be breaking bail conditions"

So, having been sentenced to 12 months he would have spent 6 months in prison and then 6 months on licence (while on licence he would have had a Probation Officer).

So, Probation have had no interest or contact with him for the last 13.5 years and the police have had no contact with him for around the last four years.

Did you really not bother to read the OP?

How do they know he spent 10 years registered etc. Hear say IMO

Mrsknowitall · 15/07/2024 22:42

He don’t want the older models because if they have children already they will be grown up more than likely so he is preying and maybe grooming the younger models who may have younger children, he is a predator that is what they do! Make the organisers aware of what you know and also tell the models that have taken his number

Samsung37 · 15/07/2024 22:45

OhHelloMiss · 15/07/2024 18:44

He served his time

What do you think people will say or do if you tell them? Thank you? Ban him?

You're likely to come across as a gossip and could find yourself in trouble yourself.

My god are you mad? I strongly disagree with this. The man got his kicks watching children get raped. You can’t rehabilitate that. He should rightly have to live with that for the rest of his life, and the consequences. NO ONE will think you’re a gossip for raising this. It is the right thing to do and you could be protecting someone from this utter creep.

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 22:55

By the way, I have already warned the latest model (who swapped numbers with him) away from him, by telling her he's definitely one to be avoided.

OP posts:
Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 15/07/2024 22:58

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 18:54

Wow, thanks for your messages so far. Plenty to think about. Just to be clear, it was downloading of images, so I believe he is a paedophile, but not a rapist. Although downloading that material obviously helps keeps that awful exploitation of children going.

He is absolutely as guilty as the rapists themselves, as are all the others who pay people to abuse children — which is what ‘child pornography’ is.

A one-year sentence is disgracefully weak.

He is a danger to children and women, as you suspected from the way he grooms those young models. You are right to speak out, OP.

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 22:59

I also want to say that I've been to MANY life drawing sessions, and they have all been absolutely fine. A few people here say that there will be a percentage of attendees who are sex offenders or getting their kicks but I don't believe that to be the case, in my experience. They attract the more serious artists, who are only interested in light, shadow, types of charcoal and paper! At least whilst at the session anyway.

OP posts:
Moonpie6 · 15/07/2024 23:08

OhHelloMiss · 15/07/2024 18:44

He served his time

What do you think people will say or do if you tell them? Thank you? Ban him?

You're likely to come across as a gossip and could find yourself in trouble yourself.

Are you actually for real?

Take it you or anyone close to you have never been subject to anything like this, because if you had you really wouldn't be saying "he's served his time."

Seriously get a grip, we don't need to hear your claptrap.

Disturbia81 · 15/07/2024 23:10

Even without the paedo stuff he's disgusting. Can't stand older men sleazing on young women.
But with the paedo stuff he's a danger. Blow the whistle, get the rot out

OnGoldenPond · 15/07/2024 23:10

Hedgeoffressian · 15/07/2024 18:51

He was jailed for just a year for raping girls between 2 and 9???? Sorry but I don’t believe that. I call BS.

No, he downloaded and viewed images of men raping children. Not much better, in my book, but it is a lesser offence.

OuterSpaceCadet · 15/07/2024 23:16

PerkyMintDeer · 15/07/2024 18:56

I've been in this situation with a child rapist and serial abuser. He was targeting 18 year olds and teenage mums at my hobby. He was overly physically attentive, making sexual innuendo all the time, tracking us down on social media etc. Most of us found him to be a creepy person but the occasional person would get sucked in by his "charm" and be flattered or be vulnerable and he was a "father figure".

It's at the group's discretion but I was warned severely that he was entitled to a life and that I ran the risk of being made subject of a harassment order. I chose to leave in the end. I reported it to the Local Authority Safeguarding of Vulnerable Adults (as he mainly targeted pretty, young looking disabled 18-21 year olds) and asked on the non-urgent police line and was told every time that it was basically none of my business and I was making a nuisance of myself and that both he and the young women were entitled to relationships. The (male) organisers thought he was a "top bloke" and "he's not raping anyone here, is he?".

This is so fucking depressing.

Everything revolves around making sure men get to live their lives uninterrupted.

Anele22 · 15/07/2024 23:17

Andwegoroundagain · 15/07/2024 19:07

A few PP have warned that you can't just go around telling folks about spent convictions. I'm not an expert in this area but you can at least suggest to people they do what you do ie Google him. That way you are not doing anything that could place you in jeopardy

Why can’t you tell others of spent convictions? Is there a law against it?

Bigcat25 · 15/07/2024 23:19

@Anele22, I expect they're worried about the offender being upset with her if he ends up being excluded from the group or made it harder to get models.

PerkyMintDeer · 15/07/2024 23:23

OuterSpaceCadet · 15/07/2024 23:16

This is so fucking depressing.

Everything revolves around making sure men get to live their lives uninterrupted.

It is, but I've also been shocked and sickened at how many women (generally in their 60s and 70s) have taken his side too. "There's two sides to every story", "he says the girl made a play for him", "she was liar", "he's always been perfectly lovely to me", "don't spread such wicked rumours", "it was a different time, look at Elvis".

They groom everyone.

HoppyFish · 15/07/2024 23:33

I know what I'm going to do now. It was preying on my mind before, but I have peace of mind now.

OP posts:
WetBandits · 15/07/2024 23:34

User7013 · 15/07/2024 22:23

For sex offences you can never finish serving your time - it would always show up on an enhanced CRB check.

Instead of outing him the kinder thing to do would be to warn him off. If there were a way to send him an anonymous note suggesting considering his history he might not want to continue attending.

That's if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. At best he sounds like Leonardo DiCaprio, at worst he's a danger.

There’s a time and place for ‘be kind’ and this isn’t it. I don’t think he was being particularly kind when he downloaded such evil things.

Anele22 · 15/07/2024 23:41

Bigcat25 · 15/07/2024 23:19

@Anele22, I expect they're worried about the offender being upset with her if he ends up being excluded from the group or made it harder to get models.

Edited

i think it’s more about protecting the offender’s privacy

MrsSunshine2b · 16/07/2024 00:41

It's worth remembering that the majority of people convicted of CSA are not actually clinical paedophiles or hebophiles (i.e. have a sexual preference for pre or post- pubescent children). It's not about sex so much as it's about power. They don't care who they abuse, they seek out vulnerable people or people they can get into a vulnerable situation so they can enjoy having power over them. A sexual offender is a risk to everyone, not just the group they have abused in the past.

Catsmere · 16/07/2024 06:05

TingeOGinge · 15/07/2024 18:46

No sorry.

Doesn't sit with me. If we were talking shoplifting or fraud, then yes.

But a sex offender is very, very rarely rehabilitated and the behaviour he exhibits that promted her to check up on him proves he is still a complete weirdo.

This is about safety.

What if he follows a model home after seeing her in the nudes in classes??

Exactly, and child sex offenders are never rehabilitated.

Andwegoroundagain · 16/07/2024 07:00

Anele22 · 15/07/2024 23:17

Why can’t you tell others of spent convictions? Is there a law against it?

I don't know but there was a PP who had been warned by the police in a similar situation

ileftmypotatointheovenallnight · 16/07/2024 07:03

I've always thought life drawing is a bit fucking odd to be honest.

I'd tell the teacher, then you have done your part.