Anyone you know ever said anything to you that's made you change your opinion of them?

[TrustPenguins]

Kind of light-hearted but...

Two examples recently:

1. A friend admitted (rather sheepishly) that he voted Tory. He said it was because of Labour's intended VAT on private school fees (his children go to private school). That was his sole reason.

I feel this was selfish and he wasn't looking at the bigger picture. I've always been taught to vote with the most vulnerable person you know in mind and of what is in their best interests. I was also shocked that a good friend would vote Tory full stop!

1. Another friend said he was supporting Spain in the football last night. Apparently his Mum is Scottish and his Dad is Scouse so they've never supported England (friend is English). When England played Italy in the previous final, he was cheering on Italy. When Italy won, he was celebrating whilst his kids were crying (they were supporting England). Just seems strange to me.

Obviously anyone can vote for and support who they like but I just never expected these friends to say / do this, and rightly or wrongly, it has changed my opinion of them a bit.
Just when you think you know someone...! 🤣

Anyone got any other examples?

So do many Labour Party voters. Especially those who have the luxury of claiming not to vote in their own interests

Someone at a church picnic told me my 6 yr old son and I would go to hell because I let him go to play with his friend who had 2 mums. He said he would ask the congregation to pray for our souls. I always thought he was a pretty nice guy until that point. How wrong was I.
It caused an outrage in church, almost everyone stopped chatting to him, no-one else felt the need to pray for our souls and he doesn't come any more.

The thread was meant to be about things someone you know has said or done which you were surprised they did. I'm still friends with these people. I did say it was light hearted!

And I don't decide who is most vulnerable. I think people/ society know who may fall into that category.

My brother voted for brexit and I was really disappointed in him tbh, we get on fine but I still think wtf when I think about it.

My Godmother told me a was making a massive mistake in keeping my baby, never really forgave her for that comment. Said baby is now 18yo!

You should get over to the gardening threads. They have a hundred ways to kill a slug with all manner of torture. :(

I'll never understand what people have against addicts. It's a health issue.

Yes, a friend once made an antisemitic remark that shocked me years ago. I just cut contact. I probably should have talked to her about it and explained why what she'd said was so troubling but I didn't feel able to. She wasn't a close friend so it was easier to just cut contact.

@IdLikeToBeAFraser was it Greg Wallace?

That’s fair enough but given that’s half the population it does seem a bit intolerant to me. I’m of a minority religion and have friends and family with a wide range of religions and none and different beliefs and mindsets. I do think it is enriching to be able to get on with people who are not like you. But of course if you don’t that’s fine.

I agree people can vote for who they like, I believe I've already said that. The thread is about someone doing something I was surprised about.
Another example is of a work colleague who seemed very prim & proper, quite quiet, stickler for the rules etc. who when you get her on a night out, you see a very loud, sweary, judgemental person come out! I wasn't expecting that either!!

Try living with one.

No, I certainly wouldn't celebrate anyone dying in a fire. But I do 'have something against' addicts, having grown up with the chaos and utter selfishness that goes with addiction.

Dear God people can vote what they like for whatever issues or reasons they want. That's what a democracy is.

Of course. And it's also part and parcel of democracy that other people can judge them for it.

If what you said in your posts is true, you are deciding who these vulnerable people are and what their interests are. But my point is that in reality you’re voting in your own interests too.

@pilo7 Yes perhaps I didn't mean they get carte Blanche to ruin others' lives but dying in fires is a horrible thing for someone to wish them. Which we both agree on

A friend said doctors shouldn't have attended to the person who had attempted to take their own life as the waiting lists for other patients were too long. I ended the friendship.

It’s not really a niche thing for him though is it. If he has children in private school it will be an additional cost of thousands of pounds a year, maybe even tens of thousands (depending on the school and the number of children). He may not be able to afford that or might really struggle.

tbh there was very little in the Labour Party manifesto. The fact that one of the few policies would cost him potentially tens of thousands of pounds swung his vote seems absolutely reasonable to me. And I certainly can’t afford private schools nor do I send my children to one.

imo (and just mine) that man’s actions are far more reasonable than voting on the basis of what you think is in the interests of a third party you have determined is vulnerable.

A couple of instances - when I was out for a group meal, when DD was 2, a friend was impressed that DH was putting her to bed because she could only go out once her DC were well beyond school age, and she would make sure they'd brushed their teeth and got a glass of water. That, and several other comments made me view her useless husband in a much more negative light.

A person I know through work - seemed quite polite and pleasant - admitted to deliberately making someone fall off their bike because they had cut them up. They've since sent me all manner of twatty, racist and sexist "jokes" via WhatsApp which reinforces my new opinion of them

People can vote whoever they want to. 🤷‍♀️

My SIL is a 'special needs' (her words) TA. 15 years ago, at a Christmas lunch table, her kids (6,8 &10) made jokes & 'joey-noises' about the 'spazzy kids' she taught (all her words) She laughed & then pulled silly faces at my stony face. Awful. Her brother & nephew & niece are Autistic. Hideous that she's a TA.

An older woman in my rural Scottish village. Very active part of the Church. Told me she'd had to pray hard as she didn't like her Dd's choice of husband. 'He's in London, but worse: he's black'.
I guess she managed to make peace with it as he is now a welcome part of their family. But I was surprised at her.

It seems to be Labour voters that are the most intolerant of other people's voting choices. I enjoy the irony a lot.

I voted Tory and will again.

Yes! One evening on a work night out we were having one of those nonsense hypothetical conversations and a colleague I got in very well with told me that if it was a choice between saving the life of her dog or saving the life of a child she didn’t know, she’d of course choose her dog! 😲 Now I’m very fond of my dog too but her life doesn’t trump that of a child. I couldn’t bring myself to look at this woman without disgust ever again.

I am also not so fond of Brexit voters and it definitely clouds how I see someone if they tell me they voted for Brexit. A huge part of this for me is that I’ve yet to meet a Brexit voter who can articulate in what ways they’re better off. Bizarrely, annd anlmost certainly unreasonably, I’m almost more cross at leave voters who have since changed their minds as they don’t feel like leaving has brought them The Promised Land nor made them richer/better off in any way. I want to shake them and say, ‘what did you really expect?’

Also, people who are devoutly religious. I don’t think lesser of them but I know it means we can only ever be friends on a superficial level.

Surrogacy is exploitative full stop.

Years ago MIL specifically rang to tell us another relative was pregnant- even though the person asked her to kept secret till they could call and tell me directly later that day. MIL told me that she doesn't keep secrets and she can tell anyone, anything she wants!

Lots of other examples, but from that day- I never told her anything personal ever again. She has no idea that DH and I TTC 12yrs, lost 3, had rounds of IVF etc. I tell her nothing!

We moved from London to another city in the UK for a couple of years for DH's job. An elderly relative got in touch with the TV company DH worked for when she saw his name on screen - he has an extremely rare surname. Turns out she was indeed related and we went to visit her. She was very old and living alone so we went a few times. On about our third visit she said "how can you bear to live in London, it's full of blacks?" We told her quite unequivocally that we loved living in London and would go back as soon as we could. Then we never saw her again.

I was also taught to vote with society’s most vulnerable in mind! 🤷🏻‍♀️
When I think of those people I’m not thinking of working class/Brexit voters etc as mentioned previously. Rather I’m thinking of those who are disabled, who are carers, who rely on food banks, who need to rely on the state for help of some sort. Not necessarily the poor but those most at risk of being overlooked or marginalised which of course does include those struggling to make ends meet.