Shall I dump him by text or play him at his game?

[ForOliveShaker]

I’d been “seeing” this guy for about 6 months. Went on a few dates with him. He’s always been a bad texted and said it from the off. But over time it was his behaviour that was the issue.

I’ve heard all the excuses under the sun I feel. And he flakes last minute it randomly changes the day without checking if it’s ok with me. It’s not been every date but at least every other.

List of excuses for cancelling dates:

Safeguarding issue at work

wisdom tooth removal

Mums car broke down ans he needed to pick her up (cancelled on the hour)

Forgot to reply to me while on holiday for 10 days

Forgot to bring a change of clothes to see me for a date

His car broke down

His car got written off

He was hungover and didn’t feel up to it

Mums in hospital

Thought he replied but didn’t

Uncle died so took longer to reply

So the other day he said “will try and arrange to see you this week” at this point I still wanted to give him a chance. He then took 5 days to reply and just said “I’m so sorry I’ve been shit, works overwhelmed me since I’ve been back. I’m so sorry. Are you okay”

Like I’m bored now of the excuses and I was tempted to break it off over message (I know I don’t owe him that) but I really wanna do it to his face or do what he’s done to me and flake last min. last week he asked what days I’m free. I said “ I’m busy. I’m only free Tuesday. Schedules tight now can’t keep freeing it up” Tuesday rolls round “ohh no I’m off to see my sisters new house” funny how the sister just randomly gets a house on the day I suggest. Then I said ok Thursday. Thursday comes round and he said “ doing a 12 hour shift. Can’t tonight. You okay though”

He leaves up to 5 days between messages. And I can’t be dealing with it. And I haven’t seen him for 6 weeks.

Annoyingly I’ve had sex with him. I fucking hate myself so much. Be gentle on me please. My confidence is at rock bottom and yes I reckon he’s married too or very much in a relationship. My mates told me to play the game back. But I cba. Shall I just do this over a text?

Final message is “Gonna be honest with you, it’s been really nice getting to know you, but you’re inconsistent. You apologise but it eventually sounds like excuses

Going weeks between seeing someone. Isn’t what I constitute as dating. Doesn’t work for me, we’re looking for diff things

The flaking is so habitual, at this point I’m taking it as disinterest and I value my time but evidently, you don’t

I would have preferred to say it to you, but our schedules don’t line up, take care lovely xx”

Thoughts?

Just ghost him, he doesn't give a shit. Who knows how many woman he's got on a string? Wouldn't even waste my typing fingers texting him at any point.

It's very tempting to get revenge when someone has treated you badly, but that just draws them back in.
It's probably better to cut him off and then leave it.

Just don't even bother sending him anything. Especially when he pops up again with a text. Just ignore him.

There is far more dignity in that. Just walk away. Silence.

Your planned messages sound like you're trying to provoke a better response from him. It won't work.

Just stop.

I wouldn't even send him a message!

There doesn't seem to be anything to break off. I think I'd just block him without saying anything now tbh. He doesn't value your time,

I would probably just leave it
in the very unlikely event he reaches out to actually instigate arranging something I would just say you’re busy and leave it at that.

There's nothing to break off as you guys don't even have anything meaningful going on. Don't waste a single second more on him. Just leave him to it and don't respond to his messages. Uf he truly wanted to date you he would have made it happen.

That message is too complicated, it’s almost like you’re giving him an invitation to explain himself so you can let him back in.

Just ignore him. Don’t block, but don’t text him and don’t reply to his. It’ll drive him mad, which is what he deserves.

I’d just block him

I completely agree with this. He could not be less interested, he must be laughing himself sick, keeping you dangling no matter how meagre the crumbs he throws you. Why on earth have you allowed this to continue for 6 months??

Just stop replying, he will barely notice.

Yup, just ghost him, it is all he deserves and you won’t get the response you want from your proposed message.

Your message is definitely too wordy. If you feel the need to message for closure (for your own sake) I’d say something like ‘This isn’t working for me. Bye’. Then block. He shows you no courtesy so don’t give him any in return!

Gonna echo the dozens of others saying this and say that I wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of a message. Ghost him. He clearly isn’t invested anyway. You deserve better 💐

Honestly - just don't contact him. He's a waste of your time and your bar's set way too low. Make space in your life for someone who's keen, doesn't play games and is into you.

Understand how tempting it can be to have the last word, but his response will only disappoint you more. He clearly doesn't care at all about seeing you or not, sorry.

Delete his number and all ways to contact him, it's the most efficient way to move on and not be tempted to reach out again.
Or send the message if you want, but please do delete everything without waiting for a response.

How could I make the message more blunt and shorter

Don't answer him, just move on. Whatever you do, don't send that rambling message. It makes it sound as thought you really had something, which you didn't. He wouldn't even read to the end of it. Play it cool and think no more about him. Move on.

How can I make the message blunter and shorter?

Send nothing. That's as short and blunt as it gets.

Op, you have invested far far too much time and head space to this - it's literally WHY your confidence is so low. Of course it would be. Please, for your own sake, next time, the very first of those excuses, you block and move on.

^ This 100%

Please listen to this brilliant advice, OP 🫶🏻

It sounds like he was juggling a few of you.
I'd bow out, not message and block him.
Sometimes saying nothing and retaining your dignity is better than arguing a useless point.

What are you hoping for from him after you send the message? Maybe an apology? An explanation?

If he doesn't reply will you be disappointed or upset?

My first reaction would be to send a message similar to yours but I actually think that PPs are right in saying just blank any future messages from him. He'll get the message loud and clear.

I agree with ghosting. Block and move on. Let him figure it out under a veil of silence

Either just block him or send a full stop and then block him, or if you do want him to know why you don't want to see him, just say that you're fed up with his excuses so you're calling it a day.

By not sending it.

I'd send something, OP. Only because it will conclude this episode for you, rather than continually waiting to see if/when he gets in touch. Short and sweet, but do end it formally, for your own peace of mind.