Shall I dump him by text or play him at his game?

[ForOliveShaker]

I’d been “seeing” this guy for about 6 months. Went on a few dates with him. He’s always been a bad texted and said it from the off. But over time it was his behaviour that was the issue.

I’ve heard all the excuses under the sun I feel. And he flakes last minute it randomly changes the day without checking if it’s ok with me. It’s not been every date but at least every other.

List of excuses for cancelling dates:

Safeguarding issue at work

wisdom tooth removal

Mums car broke down ans he needed to pick her up (cancelled on the hour)

Forgot to reply to me while on holiday for 10 days

Forgot to bring a change of clothes to see me for a date

His car broke down

His car got written off

He was hungover and didn’t feel up to it

Mums in hospital

Thought he replied but didn’t

Uncle died so took longer to reply

So the other day he said “will try and arrange to see you this week” at this point I still wanted to give him a chance. He then took 5 days to reply and just said “I’m so sorry I’ve been shit, works overwhelmed me since I’ve been back. I’m so sorry. Are you okay”

Like I’m bored now of the excuses and I was tempted to break it off over message (I know I don’t owe him that) but I really wanna do it to his face or do what he’s done to me and flake last min. last week he asked what days I’m free. I said “ I’m busy. I’m only free Tuesday. Schedules tight now can’t keep freeing it up” Tuesday rolls round “ohh no I’m off to see my sisters new house” funny how the sister just randomly gets a house on the day I suggest. Then I said ok Thursday. Thursday comes round and he said “ doing a 12 hour shift. Can’t tonight. You okay though”

He leaves up to 5 days between messages. And I can’t be dealing with it. And I haven’t seen him for 6 weeks.

Annoyingly I’ve had sex with him. I fucking hate myself so much. Be gentle on me please. My confidence is at rock bottom and yes I reckon he’s married too or very much in a relationship. My mates told me to play the game back. But I cba. Shall I just do this over a text?

Final message is “Gonna be honest with you, it’s been really nice getting to know you, but you’re inconsistent. You apologise but it eventually sounds like excuses

Going weeks between seeing someone. Isn’t what I constitute as dating. Doesn’t work for me, we’re looking for diff things

The flaking is so habitual, at this point I’m taking it as disinterest and I value my time but evidently, you don’t

I would have preferred to say it to you, but our schedules don’t line up, take care lovely xx”

Thoughts?

"I don't want to meet up with you anymore you are too flaky. All the best."

Then don't spend another second on him.

If you send that message, you'll be waiting for him to send a gushy apologetic response....won't you?

Don't do it to yourself. Just stop messaging him.

My goodness you've given a lot of time 😂 Do you know why you tolerated it for so long or how to weed these guys out in future?

I would say something like " I've had some time to reflect and I've realised this isn't for me. I wish you well."

That's pretty neutral and clear.

Then quietly block him in a few weeks.

@ForOliveShaker did you unblock him then? I see on your other posts you sent him a short message and blocked.
Do it, he's a dick! He has no interest in dating anyone, give yourself a break and look around you, your life is on hold for this flake! I've been in your position, it was humiliating and I felt like utter shite and worthless. Hugs xx

You're not in a relationship with him.

You're someone he doesn't confide in nor does he make any real effort to see you or be close to you.

You're someone he knows who he meets up with occasionally.

It has taken you six months to decide he is a shit...

Okay.

Scrape together whatever dignity you still have and block him.

Silently.

Blocking him is best but if you insist on messaging him, just wait until he messages and just reply. “Nah, you’re ok thanks” Then block and leave it.

Not even occasionally..

He just isn't into you. At all.

Silence is the best response.

Personally I'd block, but if you really really want the last word. Then in response to his "you ok" you could reply.

"Really well, i've met a lovely new man" although tbh your happiness isn't tied to a man, so it goes back to just blocking with no message. That way he has no explanation as to the reason you've cut contact.

@LittleGreenDragons according to that thread she dumped him on Sunday yet here we are with a new thread that's the same 🤷🏼‍♀️

This would be a dumping offence after 6 weeks never mind 6 months.

Feels like you are looking for some encouragement to send a text that will have him running back after you. He never will.

Not giving him a minute more of your time is the best option. If you feel you have to say something it needs to be a definitive goodbye and block. Trying to prod him into feeling bad and chasing won’t work because he cannot be arsed.

Whether it’s because he’s married, lazy, a player or just an idiot isn’t your concern. Why you’ve allowed him to play you for a fool is. Start a thread on that and ask for advice because it would be better for your MH than obsessing about this guy.

I agree. He's obviously not bothered, so just sack him off. If he gave a shit you'd have seen evidence of it by now.

Ugh. Don't send him a lengthy explanation, he doesn't deserve it, or you. And 'take care lovely'?? Noooo! Just leave it and move on.

He sounds far from lovely, I can think of better names

I feel so sad for you that your confidence is so low, that you have given this man so much headspace, even down to planning your final text to him.
At this point, and I’m going to be blunt the issue isn’t him. You desperately need some validation for your feelings and please don’t see that as a judgement as I’ve been the same many times - with bells on.
If you message this man you will be awaiting his reply.
More time wasted. It’s like an addiction, a dopamine hit, waiting to even see if he’s read it.
Like PPs have suggested, just delete his number and block him. Go cold turkey. It’s the only way to get through it.
And then get to work on you because you sound very low. Shelve dating for a while. You are too vulnerable right now.
Get back to basics in life. Get your dopamine hit from spending time with people who have time for you. Eat well, rest well, move more. Think about simple ways of enriching your own life, and move away from being around people who are damaging you.
Even from your proposed text you are a kind and empathetic person - save those traits for people who deserve them.
And start with you!

I feel like it wont matter what anyone here suggests. You will just post this exact same post again some time next week. You already dumped and blocked (or did you forget that?). Move on

Don’t send him any more messages ever again, regardless of what he sends you. I wouldn’t even bother to block him. I have only been blocked once and I felt a bit sorry for the person because he obviously had far stronger feelings than I did.

I have dated a lot of terrible men sadly

Honestly the most powerful thing is silence

Please don’t send that message, it almost seems desperate - sorry!

Id say something like:
This isn’t working for me. All the best.

Has he turned your head? Because I can’t think of any other reason why you’d be asking this again.

He’s just not that into you. So walk away with the dignity you have left.

Your revenge won't have the intended effect. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but it doesn't sound like he's bothered to be honest. If he was how could have go so long without contact? You getting revenge is only going to put you out and upset you more.
Put that effort into moving past this situation

Why do people put the post on twice and engage with people like they’ve never asked for advice before ?!

@ForOliveShaker on the 7th July OP you said you did this… this was your post ???? So wtf is this post about …. You’ve already messaged him and now you’re asking again? Are you lying or getting a weird kick out of it 🤣

Did it today. Plucked up the courage to say “hey. This isn’t working. Good luck.” Then blocked

Thats a big step for me.

Yep. Already blocked him so what's the issue now?