Shall I dump him by text or play him at his game?

[ForOliveShaker]

I’d been “seeing” this guy for about 6 months. Went on a few dates with him. He’s always been a bad texted and said it from the off. But over time it was his behaviour that was the issue.

I’ve heard all the excuses under the sun I feel. And he flakes last minute it randomly changes the day without checking if it’s ok with me. It’s not been every date but at least every other.

List of excuses for cancelling dates:

Safeguarding issue at work

wisdom tooth removal

Mums car broke down ans he needed to pick her up (cancelled on the hour)

Forgot to reply to me while on holiday for 10 days

Forgot to bring a change of clothes to see me for a date

His car broke down

His car got written off

He was hungover and didn’t feel up to it

Mums in hospital

Thought he replied but didn’t

Uncle died so took longer to reply

So the other day he said “will try and arrange to see you this week” at this point I still wanted to give him a chance. He then took 5 days to reply and just said “I’m so sorry I’ve been shit, works overwhelmed me since I’ve been back. I’m so sorry. Are you okay”

Like I’m bored now of the excuses and I was tempted to break it off over message (I know I don’t owe him that) but I really wanna do it to his face or do what he’s done to me and flake last min. last week he asked what days I’m free. I said “ I’m busy. I’m only free Tuesday. Schedules tight now can’t keep freeing it up” Tuesday rolls round “ohh no I’m off to see my sisters new house” funny how the sister just randomly gets a house on the day I suggest. Then I said ok Thursday. Thursday comes round and he said “ doing a 12 hour shift. Can’t tonight. You okay though”

He leaves up to 5 days between messages. And I can’t be dealing with it. And I haven’t seen him for 6 weeks.

Annoyingly I’ve had sex with him. I fucking hate myself so much. Be gentle on me please. My confidence is at rock bottom and yes I reckon he’s married too or very much in a relationship. My mates told me to play the game back. But I cba. Shall I just do this over a text?

Final message is “Gonna be honest with you, it’s been really nice getting to know you, but you’re inconsistent. You apologise but it eventually sounds like excuses

Going weeks between seeing someone. Isn’t what I constitute as dating. Doesn’t work for me, we’re looking for diff things

The flaking is so habitual, at this point I’m taking it as disinterest and I value my time but evidently, you don’t

I would have preferred to say it to you, but our schedules don’t line up, take care lovely xx”

Thoughts?

Too wordy. Just either ghost him or drop him a short text saying
"Hi, sorry don't think this is going to work out. Best of luck. Bye"

This. Any message at all just proves how much he’s gotten into your head, he sounds like a prick and this is all just a game to him. The best way to come across at not giving a fuck, is to actually not give a fuck and don’t even bother giving him a response

Your proposed message is flattering and shows you are still giving him headspace. If you want to explicitly end it then just say "I don't want to continue seeing you. Please don't contact me again". But I'm with others who say fade / ghost / block.

Edited your proposed message slightly Op:

“Gonna be honest with you, getting to know you has been disappointing.

Planning dates and then cancelling them at the very last minute is rude and disrespectful. You apologise each time, but at this point all you've given me is an unimaginative list of excuses. Nobody wants a flake.

Frankly, you're a waste of my time and I deserve better."

My message is the same as last time you posted about this loser.

Block and delete.

If you want to have the final say then just keep it short like ‘this isn’t working for me anymore bye’

tbh I would probably just stop replying. He probably won’t even notice

He sounds exactly like someone I was seeing for a few months (a long time ago but I can completely imagine he's still dating!). Even down to the excuses (used the wisdom teeth out one too!). I think he was dating a lot of people at the same time. Does his name begin with D?

In the end, I just texted something like "I don't think this is really working and we're clearly looking for something different. Wishing you all the best in the future!". Just basically act like it's all amicable and you aren't that bothered which will annoy him more than anything (that you are no longer making yourself available).

He will inevitably come back with loads of promises, trying to put all the flakiness down to external circumstance and give assurances that "life has been crazy busy but is looking better in the next few weeks" etc etc. Don't fall for it!

And honestly, I wouldn't worry that you had sex. Just chalk it up to experience and try and move on. Don't beat yourself up over doing something that felt like the right thing at the time.

Oh dear. If you haven’t seen him for 6 weeks there’s nothing to end. He’s messing you around and you’re taking so so much of it 😫

Your message won't have the impact you're hoping for. He doesn't give a shit about you, not really.

You'd be better off ghosting.

If you want to get back to him, ghosting him will be the most efficient.

I like this.

I have accidentally ghosted a few dates (meant to message, but realised more than two weeks had gone by - but obviously they didn't care either; i would have responded to a "you okay?" or similar message.) But on something like this, I'd probably need to draw a line under it for myself.

Just put, 'Nah, cba' then block and delete

If you really feel you must contact him then:
"You’re too inconsistent. This isn’t what I constitute as dating and doesn’t work for me. I'd have preferred to say it to your face, but our schedules don’t line up.
Best of luck for the future"

Then block and move on.

I'm sure I've read this post before. You had good advice before and are getting the same advice now.

I would just never reply again and leave it at that.

I think you need to ask yourself why you have put up with this shit for 6 months rather ask how to dump him.

"You're dumped - bye hun"

Then block

I would ghost him- more impactful and gives you the power for once! Don’t block just forever ignore and move on smugly that you’ve finally had one up on him 🤣

Block & forget. Done.

You posted this before. Just block and move on

What did the other posters suggest when you made this exact thread a few days ago? He's really not worth two threads or this amount of headspace . Just block him and move on with your life.

EDIT - 53 replies... what did they suggest?
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5113794-shall-i-just-bin-him-off-over-text?reply=136582283

Just stop texting.

You aren’t “seeing” him at all. There’s nothing to even break off.

Just don’t reply to him the next time he texts. Simple.

I think in this situation I'd just not reply to him.

Maybe you can ask yourself why, you've put up with his shitty disrespectful behaviour.

He doesn’t give a shit text or no text. What is it you don’t understand?