ADHD - is it worth getting diagnosis later in life?

[GogAndMagog]

Just that really. I just had one of those days yesterday. Rushing to an appointment. Always rushing. Then saying to myself 'why am I like this'. I am in my 50s.

Feeling overwhlemed. Supposed to see friends for dinner but I had to cancel as main friend had invitted a bunch of other people, including some I hadn't even met. I would need to be 'on form' and I just couldn't face it, the pretending.

Stayed up too late picking the skin on my fingers to pieces worrying and overthinking. Can't sit still, always picking at my fingers or feet. Then shamed staring at my picked fingers/ feet.

Mornings are difficult. Getting out of the house a nightmare. If I have to get a train somewhere, guaranteed I'll be looking it up five minutes before I need to leave. Getting lost is just part of my life. Being in a new building or environment is terrifying - not funny at all as I walk the wrong way out of an entrance and still can't work out where I am.

Applying for jobs and even though I know how long these things take, my application is invariably handed in at 11.59pm on the closing date. Every single time.

House is a mess of clutter but too overwhelmed to tackle it. Procrastinate, delay, avoid.

Half a day can go by and I have achieved nothing.

Hate the summer with its bright exposing light. Prefer a dark room.

On paper, I sound successful. Inside I'm a mess. God knows how I ever got a qualification or a decent job.

Oh yes I do know, staying up late and getting in work by the skin of my teeth, getting by on the adrenalin of the panic mode.

What would a diagnosis achieve? I'm already on anti-depressants. Already in counselling dealing with dysfuctional family issues.

Why can't I learn to be better? I should know by now. It is stressful.

Just rambling now. Any thoughts or insights that could help? Thank you.

Meds are not a magic solution. Some people don't get on with them at all. I only take a quick release low dose med.

You 100% need strategies alongside meds. There's a good book called Smart But Scattered Guide to Success for Adults that explains all the executive function skills and has a quiz so you can work out your strong and weak ones.

The only thing that has came close to meds for me is heavy weight lifting. I did six months of it last year and my energy and focus was off the charts. I didn't direct my focus very well though haha but hopefully will be wiser next time. Strength training increases expression of BDNF growth factor in the brain thought to be responsible for memory and learning.

Following with a lot of interest. I feel so ashamed of myself and I know I put on a different persona to how I'm feeling and when k occasionally slip up and say I'm worried or not confident I'm dismissed.
I was mocked in my last job for my messy desk and my house of clutter is driving me mad. I have random boxes of shit I don't know where to put and I feel absolutely overwhelmed. I find comfort in cooking but the thought of organising a baking cupboard brings me out in a sweat. I don't do stuff until I have to as I worry about how to do it and am frequently stressed and don't know how other people manage things that I can't

Thanks for writing this. I had a friend in your situation (diagnosed younger than me, put on amphetamines) and he warned me away from them. He quit them after two years and believed they gave him longterm stomach problems. He found he became too focused on them and then in the evening he was used up with no energy left for the non work parts of life.

I can't take them for other reasons as it turned out.

Yeah I've got long term health issues I'm sure are related to the meds. And just my personality has changed. Without the meds I am flat, I'm no one. It's shit

If you’ve got Facebook, have a look at ADHD awareness, husband and wife team, she has adhd, his son has autism. Their videos are great. So much of it resonates with me. I’m waiting an assessment myself, went through right to choose, psychiatry uk. Quicker than the NHS waiting list.

They’re called ADHD Love.

@voiceofastar

Yes, but my doom bags are tote bags dumped by the sofa, in the bedroom, hanging in the backs of doors. All contain lip balm, random bits of makeup, stuff I’ve bought when out and never unpacked, snacks, spare socks, painkillers, water bottles, spare contact lenses, an important letter I should have dealt with months ago. The list goes on!

This is similar for myself. I think just knowing I likely have it has made me look back and understand the struggle I have had through life, particularly in my work life. Just knowing that my brain works differently, so it wasn’t just that I was stupid, or not good enough, it was that I was always going to struggle to learn in the way other people found easy.

I have Cupboards of Doom as well as bags of doom. The cupboards contain decade old pills that I bagged up ready to take to the pharmacy back in 2017, stuff for the allotment I gave up in 2018 (too overwhelming), those freebie makeup gifts you get when you buy two things from No.7 that are the wrong colours from circa 2015, bagged up worn out clothes I never manage to take to the clothing recycling bank, a broken fan, mysterious cables kept ‘just in case’, boxes ‘just in case’, over a decade’s worth of shredding to do, bottle after bottle of almost-empty shampoo and shower gel that I kept with the intention of cutting open to get the dregs but never did, contact lenses I got on a trial that don’t fit, old pairs of spectacles, a couple of disposable barbecues I bought in 2013, a bag of batteries I’ve had for years that I haven’t got round to recycling, old tins of paint that are dried up or split, an old telephone last used in 2011 that I don’t even have the means of connecting anymore… it goes on and on.

I’m not a hoarder, it has just accumulated over the years because I can’t face dealing with it. Part of the problem is I don’t know how to deal with it responsibly, it probably involves going to the tip which I hate. And I hate that it’s all in there when I could be using the space for something that’s actually useful.

I keep saying I’ll get round to dealing with it but the timing never feels right…

@LoveSandbanks hang in there! It was so worth it for me. Hoping your appointment comes soon!

Thanks for all the messages. It has been really heartening to know I'm not alone in these thoughts.

@voiceofastar 'And I think it’s also about recognising your limits. I would love to do a masters (and a PhD) but, for now at least, I know that would be disastrous for my mental health even if I know that in theory I’m capable of ‘bigger things’'

Absolutely feel the same, every day would be like Sunday, unable to get on with a piece of work, feeling I have failed before I started.

@TheWayTheLightFalls That is it - an instruction manual on how my brain works!

@ClickClack300 You sound very similar to me. I'm constantly googling random things from watching programmes or things that pop into my head. I it can be found on the internet, I will find it.
I need to find a job where this valued 😂.

I'm totlly intrigued by FocusMate or these doubling people, how did this become a thing, it is genius!

@Calliopespa This is true. I am more than my quirks.

@Foxlover46 I don't know anyboldy else who skin picks fingers and feet either. I will do it until they bleed and it will be painful. I used to wonder if it was a form of self harming as then I would focus on the pain I had inflicted. If I ever got a manicure (3x in my life) the stopped me a bit but not totally. For my feet, I use sports tape, which is just like giant elastopast which adheres to the bottom of my feet so I can't get at the skin. Eventaully it comes off and the danger point is when I have taken it off and not yet reapplied. It is sports tape so I say it is for tendon injury if anybody is rude enough to ask...
@ClickClack300 this might be useful to you too.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08QGBS7JB/ref=pe_27063361_487055811_TE_dp_1?th=1
This one - it is very adhesive!

I have taken the LTheannine a few times and will update on how useful it is....(feels promising).

I got a bit teary reading your post, because this is the first time I’ve ever seen someone say they pick their fingers and feet like I do. I’ve always felt so abnormal- this is way more serious than even very bad nail biting for example (I’ve done that too since I was a child though). My feet are usually in a terrible state, raw and bleeding, and sometimes I’ve cancelled outings or not gone to work because walking is so painful. I almost always have plasters on my fingers and sometimes have to discreetly use a bit of tissue to cover up bleeding if I’ve bitten a finger badly just before a work meeting. It’s something I’m constantly ashamed of.

Because a family member is undergoing assessment I have finally realised that I have adhd and this explains so much of what I’ve been through in life and why I’ve felt so abnormal. I’m over 60 now! ADHD wasn’t known of at all when I was younger, and when it did become known it was all about little boys not being able to sit still and being disruptive at school.

I’ve been considering asking for an assessment but I’m bad enough at getting around to seeing my GP for quite urgent health issues - and of course I’ve recently realised that this is down to adhd too. But I can’t help also thinking the GP will laugh, tell me it’s depression as they’ve been trying to tell me for decades, and/or tell me getting a diagnosis is pointless.

I got a diagnosis later in life and I would definitely recommend it.

It means they'll prescribe you ADHD meds. Unfortunately they didn't work for me, but most people with ADHD do find them helpful so it's definitely worth trying. Many find them life changing.

Did you know, you don't need to take them every day? They're not like anti depressants drugs, they're short acting so they simply work while they're in your system. My doctor told me some people choose to take them for work then have a break at weekends. Many do take them every day though.

Having a diagnosis has also helped in terms of knowing I can ask for accommodations at work. My current boss is extremely understanding and works with me to try to put in systems that work for me, to help me be more organised.

Knowing I have a diagnosis has helped me when I've wanted to explain to people that the reason I might struggle with something is real, not that I don't care or am lazy. It hasn't helped with my family who don't seem to want to understand it, but maybe yours will be more understanding.

And, it's helped with my own sense of self worth, and understanding of myself. I cut myself a bit more slack these days, emotionally, and lean into ADHD-friendly ways to get stuff done, rather than thinking I'm just a bit shit at life and must try harder.

It only took me a year to get diagnosed on the NHS, but even if it does take years where you are, it can't hurt to join the waiting list. It will literally take forever if you're not on it!

@Sweetandsaltycaroline that's my DH you described he literally can't do supermarket shops, he comes back with no meals and random things. Sometime stuff hasn't eaten for years and always tuna.

Same with birthdays etc, I have for years just thought it was an utter cop out until I spoke to my diagnosed 20 year son who perfectly articulated how his brain feels in shops and how it's like a blind panic, he was talking to me about why he eats the same meal from the same supermarket and he said it's just a safe option he can walk in get the food walk out and he knows he likes it.

My DH eats the same lunch over and over.

OP I hope you do get a diagnosis as my DH is stubborn and said "what does it matter" but my 20 year old who had his diagnosis due to school had a much better approach to life, he user sticky notes, phone reminders, recognises overwhelm and understands his own traits way better than my DH at 54 who's just bumbling through life..

Happy as Larry but bloody frustrating.

One of the things that helped me the most was just being kind to myself.
Beating yourself up when you fail to do something doesn't help. It just makes you feel more anxious and depressed.

I will never be that person who is up showered and ready for the day at 7am. Who keeps on top of all the housework, cleans the kitchen straight after dinner etc. Someone who is always on top of everything and has a structured routine. And that's ok.

I've learnt to have a small list of things that have to be done. Keep up with bills etc. I've really struggled with that and it still slides a little sometimes but now only usually by a week or two rather than months! If I have admin tasks to do, like booking appointments etc. I make myself do one in a day. Means it sometimes takes me a week to get that stuff done but that's ok. A very basic level of cleanliness in the house, if I can get more done great, but I don't beat myself up about what isn't done.

I always used to aim too high, fail and then feel shit about myself. It didn't make me any better. Just made my life harder.

Sorry- haven’t read the whole thread but just wanted to comment about the holiday cottage thing because this really resonated with me.
literally just come back from one with husband and kids, swore when we were there that I was going to get rid of 90% of our clutter as we managed perfectly well without it to the point that life felt so much easier and calmer.
Now back home and literally sat staring at the mess feeling paralysed by it. Glad it’s not just me.

I have a very understanding DH who gets that I don't need everywhere to be tidy, just the things I can see from my chair. If I can't see it, it isn't actively messy. If I see it but can't tidy it, I exhaust myself in a loop of wanting to (but being unable to) sort it.

Funnily enough a supermarket is the one shop DH loves going to, he could spend hours there possibly a whole day in a foreign supermarket ....but he can only plan ahead to the next meal, 2 at a push...So I have to go shopping again for things to last the rest of the week plus pet food, snacks etc. We still laugh at the time during lockdown when we were only meant to be buying essentials, DD asked him to get San pro but he forgot that and brought some tumeric and a jar of cockles! 🤣
Others in his family are ND and he sees and criticises how it impacts them but I'm not sure he recognises (or wants to identify) that he has many of the same traits.

I'm feeling shocking right now. 1.5 years into a new job after a decision to leave my job of 15 years. I'm really really struggling

Have read your posts but not the whole thread. You might also want to check out for menopausal anxiety and see if you need HRT.

Sorry to hear that PolkaDottyDot. Can you speak to your manager and your GP and any ADHD specialist you’ve seen and say your symptoms are worsening and you need more help?

I am in my early sixties and have recently begun to suspect I may have ADD (other family members have a diagnosis).
I'm actually quite good at meeting deadlines, paying bills etc, but my house is always messy even though I am constantly cleaning and tidying! I start a task but get distracted halfway through - I'll be halfway through stacking the dishwasher, will realise I've left a mug in my bedroom, will run upstairs to fetch it but whilst there I'll realise the bed linen needs changing, so I'll do that, bring the sheets downstairs to wash, then realise the dishwasher is still only half-stacked (and I've forgotten to bring the mug down from the bedroom!)
I had quite a successful career (now retired) but somehow always felt I was winging it/flying by the seat of my pants, it was all quite stressful and frenetic.
I enjoy cooking but struggle to follow a recipe (check I have correct ingredients but still overlook one, or forget to add a vital spice or baking powder)
I have four pairs of reading glasses but can NEVER find a pair, there's currently a pair missing that I've not seen for a fortnight, but I'm sure they'll turn up.
I'm very chatty (I definitely talk too much) and am forever being criticised for playing with my hair or picking at a mole on my face, both of which I suspect are ADD traits.
I write lists constantly and promptly lose them, or go to the supermarket without my list. So then I try to keep lists on my phone, but forget what I've called them so can't find them and have to start a new one.
For me, menopause and smartphones happened at the same time, so maybe these things have got worse because of hormonal changes, but I do feel my smartphone makes any ADD traits worse as I'm forever googling things I find interesting, then being distracted by my fitness App or social media or checking my bank account! It makes it far harder to focus/live on the moment.
I don't feel I need a diagnosis or medication, but I feel I understand myself a bit better these days, which helps.
Very interested to read other people's experiences on this thread.