ADHD - is it worth getting diagnosis later in life?

[GogAndMagog]

Just that really. I just had one of those days yesterday. Rushing to an appointment. Always rushing. Then saying to myself 'why am I like this'. I am in my 50s.

Feeling overwhlemed. Supposed to see friends for dinner but I had to cancel as main friend had invitted a bunch of other people, including some I hadn't even met. I would need to be 'on form' and I just couldn't face it, the pretending.

Stayed up too late picking the skin on my fingers to pieces worrying and overthinking. Can't sit still, always picking at my fingers or feet. Then shamed staring at my picked fingers/ feet.

Mornings are difficult. Getting out of the house a nightmare. If I have to get a train somewhere, guaranteed I'll be looking it up five minutes before I need to leave. Getting lost is just part of my life. Being in a new building or environment is terrifying - not funny at all as I walk the wrong way out of an entrance and still can't work out where I am.

Applying for jobs and even though I know how long these things take, my application is invariably handed in at 11.59pm on the closing date. Every single time.

House is a mess of clutter but too overwhelmed to tackle it. Procrastinate, delay, avoid.

Half a day can go by and I have achieved nothing.

Hate the summer with its bright exposing light. Prefer a dark room.

On paper, I sound successful. Inside I'm a mess. God knows how I ever got a qualification or a decent job.

Oh yes I do know, staying up late and getting in work by the skin of my teeth, getting by on the adrenalin of the panic mode.

What would a diagnosis achieve? I'm already on anti-depressants. Already in counselling dealing with dysfuctional family issues.

Why can't I learn to be better? I should know by now. It is stressful.

Just rambling now. Any thoughts or insights that could help? Thank you.

@Thepurplecar I suspect I do, much experience if ND - I'm not going through the details but my point was about self acceptance being important/critical ultimately regardless of diagnosis and I'm not really sure what yours was.

You don't need a diagnosis to accept yourself but if it helps then that's good. And even if you get one, you can enjoy 500 articles about how the rise in ADHD is a myth.

I had a diagnosis as an adult about ten years ago. It was a relief in some ways, to have it confirmed. Apart from medication, though, I think you can get a lot of the same benefits just from accepting that lifelong difficulties with executive functioning are just that, lifelong difficulties with executive functioning, regardless of the particular label they might qualify for under the current diagnostic criteria.

For getting stuff done, I definitely recommend trying some of the online body doubling sites there are these days. You'll find a lot of people with ADHD using them for accountability to keep on track with work, chores, or a mixture. I hated the idea of them at first, but I wish I'd tried them years before I did because they really work for me (it's worth trying a few to find one that works for you personally). It's amazing how you can trick an ADHD brain into staying on track just by making it feel watched, even when it isn't even really being watched!

God I could have written that. Every last thing in your post - I do/have.
I'm pretty sure I have it and am equally unsure about getting a diagnosis. I'm trying to read up and implement coping mechanisms. And be realistic...
It's so bloody shit sometimes though. Being like this is exhausting and expensive, because I can't do stuff like pay parking tickets on time so am constantly paying fines etc. It's like a Weird Brain Tax.
Gah!

So true about the tax! My ADHD has cost me thousands of pounds over my life so far through me not dealing with things when they needed to be dealt with - everything from fines and penalties to the costs of repairing things when I've left them so long they can't be done cheaply.

It helped a lot when I started to be absolutely religious about using my google calendar and setting reminders - eventually, when I'd lost enough money and experienced enough embarrassment, I at least learned to add things to it straight away. It doesn't stop me doing things at the last minute, but I hardly ever miss a deadline completely now.

The financial costs of missing deadlines mean I also now look at subscriptions to some things like distraction-blocker apps or the body-doubling sites as an essential investment (although I'd say always use free trials and don't pay till you're sure it's going to help).

When I try things like new todo lists or bullet journals, I've learned to expect them to 'fail', but I've reframed how I look at things like that a bit. I think that will always happen, but that doesn't mean I'm not still getting some benefit from those things when I use them, even if they get picked up, dropped, picked up again, dropped again over and over again. The benefits may be inconsistent, but they're still better than nothing.

Medication, validation, understanding of yourself, accommodations at work and elsewhere.

So resonate with many of these posts. Despair that I really struggle with basic tasks and house is always a tip. So demoralising.

What is ' online body doubling'?!

Just googled it, what a brilliant idea! This website is American, is there a similar one for the UK?
https://www.deepwrk.io/

The getting overwhelmed shopping is getting wose as i get older. I know a lot of people say yes me too, hate the crowds, but they still come back with what they need. Quite often I go into town (a small city) and I have it planted in my head, go to camper on wicklow street and buy those in 38, but then the stock in the shop is different to the stock online. I don't ask the assistant because I'm wary of being talked into something I'd never wear. Then I have coffee, then I forget that I came into town for shoes that would make ,that outfit work. I forget to look in any other shops and come home!!

For years I thought this was a normal shopping experience, nut I think NT people keeping going, even if plan A is not on display. They look for plan b. They don't need to actually go home to look online for plan b before coming back into town.

The ADHD Love couple created an app. Think it’s called Dubbii. It’s on my list of things to try.

@ClevererThanMost thank you for your honesty. That's helpful.

I use Focus Mate. Have used it since 2020. Game changer.

There is also Flown.

www.focusmate.com

Here is a link for a free month:

focusmate.com/?fmreferral=ds9WoEVNFf

I was diagnosed at 43 (as you may have gathered by my username!) and it's been an incredibly validating experience. Plus taking dexamfetamine and lisdexamfetamine helps enormously. Being bf adequately medicated allows to me to see what life is like for the neurotypical - imagine being able to sit down with the intent of writing an important email and just doing it! Not faffing around, procrastinating, looking things up, getting distracted with a million things then running out of mental energy to actually write the email. I can't believe how smoothly my medicated work days go in comparison to my pre-diagnosis chaos.
I say go for it, but be prepared to uncover that about half of your family members have it too 😂

There was a recent thread you might find useful. To ask why you sought an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood.

You get 3 free sessions a week.

Or its $5 a month, just under £5 for unlimited sessions. I've partnered with people all over the world. Love it. Lots of medical students, programmers, PHDers, and just every day folk. I even partnered with someone I used to know randomly who lives the other side of the world. You can favourite people so sometimes you partner with the same people. You just say what you are working on at the start of the session and then usually mute and then come back and say how it went. Sessions can be 25m, 50m or 75m. Because it's worldwide you can partner 24/7 with anyone. Can be desk work or moving work. You can do chat only sessions I.e.just type in the chat what you are working on. Good for environments when you can't speak. Or on low spoon days when speaking is painful!

It's such a good idea. I should do it to tidy up my living room, but I'm too embarrassed to let anyone see it!

Thanks for the link! It just takes me to this tho...

I have a diagnosis and am waiting to start medication (I have to taper off a contraindicated medication first).

I realised that I got through most of my degree by inadvertently body doubling. I would grab hold of another student and cling on to them for dear life while writing assignments. I was so terrified of them finishing before me and being left all alone, (because being left alone would mean giving up), that it spurred me on to get it done.

Learning about the concepts of decision paralysis and ‘procrastivity’ helped me too. I can now at least recognise that’s what’s happening even if I still struggle to do anything about it. I spent most of my life thinking I was just lazy and useless.

Those of us with ADHD know what needs to be done. In my case it’s pretty much all I think about, as well as the consequences of ignoring it. It’s the doing it and sticking to it that is the problem, and no amount of Marie Kondo, bullet journaling, to do lists or ‘how to organise your life’ videos are going to make much of a lasting (or even any) dent. I’m going to have a look at the focusmate website - thanks for posting that @ileftmypotatointheovenallnight.

OP I think I've found my soul sister !
Honestly every thing you wrote is so relatable , I'm 50 next month but the skin picking of your fingers and feet were which really got me !
I'm the same I literally pick the skin off the bottoms of my feet / edges till it bleeds sometimes and is so sore , same with fingers.
I've not met anyone else who does this with their feet.
It was suggested years back to me I should go for a test , put it off and like you just been represcribed anti depressants for most of my adult life

With things like this, you don't have to show people what you're actually doing. People use backgrounds or blurring or have their cameras off while doing non-desk tasks, or just have the camera showing only their empty chair while they're doing things and just come back to their camera to check in (which may be verbally or via a chat box) at the end of a session.

One of the things that makes me wonder if I don’t have ADHD (there are lots of things that do) is that I notice some people with ADHD seem to have great careers, and that is definitely not me. Very short attention span combined with fear of failure has meant that I’ve never really applied myself- not to my studies and not to my work. I have had so many different jobs through life and have retrained and changed direction every few years so have never managed to really progress in any career. I am in a job now which I’ve been doing for 6 years - the longest I have ever stuck with one job in the 25 years since I left University.

Are there others like me, whose ND (or suspected ND) has impeded them ever reaching their full potential? A part of me wonders if, with a diagnosis and possible medication, I could actually apply myself to something and take pride in my career for once. I actually really like the job I’m doing now and am good at it, but it’s not particularly impressive, nowhere to progress to and no prospect of high earnings. I’ve got about 20 years to retirement and wonder if I could and should try to ‘make more or myself’, or whether that’s just a bit of low self-esteem and caring too much about what others think.

God just reading this thread has been a wake up call for me. I too think I have ADHD as a woman in my 40’s. The more I read about other people’s experiences, the more I’m convinced I have it.

What do you think?

I skin pick.

I can not switch off ever - my mind is constantly ‘on the go’, for example I can’t watch a film and switch off, my brains flicking between 2/3 different other things. I struggle to follow films because I can t focus 100% on it without getting distracted with other thoughts.

I get overwhelmed with life admin and life in general. Can’t cope with having too many things to do, I find it stressful.

I hate large gatherings and groups and much prefer one to one.

I can’t stick to anything and get bored easily

One of my DC has ADHD and they say it’s genetic and when I look at myself and my inability to switch off I think I must have it!

DC’s ADHD is very obvious (also has Dyslexia and Dyspraxia) but I have another DC and I’m thinking that perhaps they also have it as they are so unorganised, messy bedroom, always late…

I feel like my eyes have been opened to the likelihood I’ve also got it. Next time I’m at the ADHD clinic with LO I’m going to ask about it for myself.

I'm reading with interest as DH fits the profile, in fact I'm adamant he has it but I also know he won't take medication so is there any point in pursuing a diagnosis. He possibly is on the milder end, he has a very successful job and manages a very stressful workload but living with him is difficult for a lot of reasons.