ADHD - is it worth getting diagnosis later in life?

[GogAndMagog]

Just that really. I just had one of those days yesterday. Rushing to an appointment. Always rushing. Then saying to myself 'why am I like this'. I am in my 50s.

Feeling overwhlemed. Supposed to see friends for dinner but I had to cancel as main friend had invitted a bunch of other people, including some I hadn't even met. I would need to be 'on form' and I just couldn't face it, the pretending.

Stayed up too late picking the skin on my fingers to pieces worrying and overthinking. Can't sit still, always picking at my fingers or feet. Then shamed staring at my picked fingers/ feet.

Mornings are difficult. Getting out of the house a nightmare. If I have to get a train somewhere, guaranteed I'll be looking it up five minutes before I need to leave. Getting lost is just part of my life. Being in a new building or environment is terrifying - not funny at all as I walk the wrong way out of an entrance and still can't work out where I am.

Applying for jobs and even though I know how long these things take, my application is invariably handed in at 11.59pm on the closing date. Every single time.

House is a mess of clutter but too overwhelmed to tackle it. Procrastinate, delay, avoid.

Half a day can go by and I have achieved nothing.

Hate the summer with its bright exposing light. Prefer a dark room.

On paper, I sound successful. Inside I'm a mess. God knows how I ever got a qualification or a decent job.

Oh yes I do know, staying up late and getting in work by the skin of my teeth, getting by on the adrenalin of the panic mode.

What would a diagnosis achieve? I'm already on anti-depressants. Already in counselling dealing with dysfuctional family issues.

Why can't I learn to be better? I should know by now. It is stressful.

Just rambling now. Any thoughts or insights that could help? Thank you.

I realised I have ADHD when my adult son was diagnosed and I also filled in his assessment for myself. Not surprisingly we have the same profile. I haven't pursued it further as I have already retired from my job, but it explains a lot about my life, including my decision to pack in my very demanding job that I was also really good at in my 50s. I feel sad that there was no recognition of the condition when I was younger. I realised in my 30s that most people were not like me, and only recently have I made peace with what I felt were failings. I think diagnosis can really help. It has made a huge difference to my son.

I was dx at 39 and take low dose methylphenidate quick release stimulant meds.

The meds have helped me with sorting my life out. But it's very slow. The life admin and decluttering. Been doing it for what feels like forever.

I have also listened to a lot of podcasts and books on adhd which has helped a lot.

😂 this is me. I’m AuDHD. I do love a list but then I can never find the bloody notebook.

Queen of unfinished notebooks here.

I found a solution.

The Filofax.

There's a whole Facebook group dedicated to the love of Filofaxes. It's practically a cult which I love 😂

On their website they have different types of notebooks.

The thing with them is that the pages can be moved and reordered. As someone who will just open a book and write anywhere this is amazing for me. You can add pages, take them out. The paper is nice quality too so it feels like you are important 😂

I also bought an erasable pen. So when I have a page with a few random scribbles I can rub them out use that page again.

I bought an A4 Filofax Notebook for work which is too big to lose and a Clipbook.

I also quite like how it feels countercultural to this digital age.

Also gives me less reason to pick my phone up to check calendars etc which is a mahoosove rabbit hole.

Yes diagnosed at 44 and it was life changing. Finally I understand why life had been so difficult and why I'd never fitted in anywhere

I'm hoping to get a diagnosis but I'm saving up for the expense of it. Meds is the reason I want one, hope to go back to study and/or get a better job and I won't be able to do either without help. I am always a few minutes late or sometimes just bang on time for things I should be early for like medical appointments, submit things at the last minute, cluttered house, anxiety about all of it. It takes enormous effort not to be later than I am. I often can't face making phone calls, I hate cooking because it's so boring. Have to read at night until I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. Lots more. All worse since perimenopause, I was better when I was younger and pre DC as I could stay up all night to get things done if I needed to or skip eating and so on. If I'm trying to get into hyperfocus now it's much harder.

That's why I want to know.

There have been a lot of very normal things (going to university, getting married, owning a car) that I've never done.

I think I coped through the strategy of not over-reaching. This was unconscious as a strategy but deliberate in the moment as I feel overwhelmed by less than is the norm.

I want to know the truth but I wonder how I'll feel if they say 'no, you don't have ADHD''. I'd be shocked and confused

This isn’t exactly addressing your question directly op but I just wanted to say for one moment stop the angst, the agonising, the self criticism - even self loathing - and absorb that these aren’t terrible things that you describe about yourself.

None of them are unkind or badly motivated. They really aren’t awful character traits and none of them make you an unworthy person.

Yes you may be a bit inefficient. But you got your qualifications because you are capable in that way. You are having these thoughts because you are a reflective person. We are all a muddle of strengths and weaknesses and you are no different.

And I don’t know why people feel these things make them different in the sense of being unable to fit in because quite honestly, as awareness increases, it seems to me in the people I know expressing these feelings, the threads I read, the statistics ( apparently autistic spectrum is as high as 25 percent if everyone got diagnosed) that ND is every bit as “ normal” as not. Maybe we are all “normally diverse.” We are all just who we are and much of it we can’t help,

Lurking

My partner is in his fifties and has been assessed as autistic and ADHD. He is now paying for the diagnosis as it will give him more protection at work. Extra time for exams,WFH, less meetings etc. also all the disability benefits they have too, I don't mean money I mean advantages.

He is now paying for the diagnosis as it will give him more protection at work.

he doesn’t need a diagnosis for that.

Clinician here - my experience is yes it is worth it and often transforms peoples lives. Don't underestimate the power of that validation on your sense of self and mental health

Agree with all of this. 100%. Well put.

Do you have ADHD?

If not, respectfully, you don't know what your talking about. No-one gets a diagnosis because they want a perfect life - a diagnosis is often the last resort in a lifelong desperation for some approximation of normality - an answer to why, no matter how hard we try, how talented we are, we fail.

OP - a diagnosis has been life changing for me. Not a solution but transformational all the same. For me, meds have been a lifeline.

You sound very much like me. Filled in the forms awaiting a response. Maybe it would give us some peace and allow us to be kinder and more forgiving to ourselves. Not sure about you but I do a lot of beating myself up

What does this comment mean? I’m not being aggressive ( which can be hard to tell when typed on a forum!)

I’m genuinely inviting you to unpack it a little further ( out of interest because I think I think something similar),

This OP. You need to be kinder to yourself. As I posted above in what you describe you’ve done nothing wrong.

I think it's worth it. I'm 37 and waiting for my assessment. I have gone through the Right to Choose which is private assessor's who take on NHS patients and the wait is much less. I've gone with ADHD 360.

For me it's about learning more how my brain works and learning to be kinder to myself. All those years I was exhausted, and labeled lazy or naughty. It all makes sense.

Thank you for the comments everybody. They have all been really helpful in me not feeling like such an outcast. @coolpineapple1 I have never fitted in anywhere either, always on the edge.

As for journals. I will happily go down a rabbit hole looking for the perfect one. My Amazon wish list is full of them. But once I have it, it is something else to DO, worry about, forget and feel like I have failed yet again.

@ileftmypotatointheovenallnight I used to have a mini Filofax. I've still got it somewhere.......😆

I have just gone through life wondering what is wrong with me. That is why maybe a diagnosis would help. That I need a bit of help, some strategies.
Having an Alexa helps with work, I have it set up to remind me to do thing before Ieave the house. Appointments etc. Turn off the immersion heater.

Maybe some drugs would work @mugglewump as and when I need the focus sounds good.

I will look up Right to Choose @TheSnowyOwl Thank you. That time will pass anyway, whether I'm waiting for a diagnosis or not.

I was down a rabbit hole today reading and read that L-theanine might be useful so I will give that a go.

I actually feel better for writing it all out, like a weight lifted. Thanks again All.

The waiting times are long, then you might be seen and started on medication but surgeries won't take over the prescribing until you are seen on the NHS and that's a 2 year wait.

Right to choose is only in England. Just in case you aren’t.

Not true here. My health board have accepted my private diagnosis and when I get to the top of the meds waiting list, will take over where my private titration left off.

There’s a theory that ADHD was an advantage in simpler times and crucial to the survival of the species. Modern life hasn’t been designed for us, hence the struggle.

I’m not diagnosed yet but am pretty sure I have it. I have multitudes of journals, bullet and otherwise, all barely started. I simply can’t sustain writing in them.

I've suspected for probably 10 years + that my DH might be ND, and about 2 or 3 years ago heard a radio programme about adult ADHD and it was literally a light bulb moment like they were describing him.
It helped me accept and make sense of a lot of the habits/behaviours that drive me crazy, and somehow they are (mostly) easier to deal with knowing that his brain works in a different way (sorry if that sounds patronising, I don't mean it too)

For years I felt resentful that he never bought me Christmas and birthday presents, or, if he did, it was something generic you could have got for someone you don't even know that well. But actually since noticing how he is if we go shopping, he likes the idea of shopping but gets overwhelmed in busy, crowded places and then wants to quickly buy something and then leave. It's not relaxing or enjoyable for either of us. And that explains why I get a "bought in a panic" type present.

I sometimes wonder if a diagnosis would help, but he is not really open to the idea.