ADHD - is it worth getting diagnosis later in life?

[GogAndMagog]

Just that really. I just had one of those days yesterday. Rushing to an appointment. Always rushing. Then saying to myself 'why am I like this'. I am in my 50s.

Feeling overwhlemed. Supposed to see friends for dinner but I had to cancel as main friend had invitted a bunch of other people, including some I hadn't even met. I would need to be 'on form' and I just couldn't face it, the pretending.

Stayed up too late picking the skin on my fingers to pieces worrying and overthinking. Can't sit still, always picking at my fingers or feet. Then shamed staring at my picked fingers/ feet.

Mornings are difficult. Getting out of the house a nightmare. If I have to get a train somewhere, guaranteed I'll be looking it up five minutes before I need to leave. Getting lost is just part of my life. Being in a new building or environment is terrifying - not funny at all as I walk the wrong way out of an entrance and still can't work out where I am.

Applying for jobs and even though I know how long these things take, my application is invariably handed in at 11.59pm on the closing date. Every single time.

House is a mess of clutter but too overwhelmed to tackle it. Procrastinate, delay, avoid.

Half a day can go by and I have achieved nothing.

Hate the summer with its bright exposing light. Prefer a dark room.

On paper, I sound successful. Inside I'm a mess. God knows how I ever got a qualification or a decent job.

Oh yes I do know, staying up late and getting in work by the skin of my teeth, getting by on the adrenalin of the panic mode.

What would a diagnosis achieve? I'm already on anti-depressants. Already in counselling dealing with dysfuctional family issues.

Why can't I learn to be better? I should know by now. It is stressful.

Just rambling now. Any thoughts or insights that could help? Thank you.

Interested with the skin picking, as until you said it I wouldn't have noted as something that stood out, but DH does it a lot, and picks/bites the skin round his nails when he's driving. He constantly yawns, rubs his eyes, picks or bites his fingers when driving. As a passenger, it makes me really on edge and like I have to be concentrating 100% on the road, other cars, as if I am driving myself....in fact it's a lot less stressful to drive myself!

It sounds very much like ADHD. ADHD is sometimes labelled as a ‘superpower’ which really gets on my nerves and I know others with ADHD who hate it too. I think this concept can leave people feeling like you have described. Perhaps for some people, things like hyperfocus serve them well. My hyperfocus revolves around mumsnet and googling everything that pops into my head, which unfortunately is not useful to my career at all. we’re not all bouncing around full of energy and life and ideas.

To give you a flavour of how ADHD has affected my ability to reach my potential:

I dropped out of school despite being described as ‘gifted’. I achieved no GCSEs

It took me years to gain the necessary qualifications to go to university

It took me almost twice as long to finish my degree than other people because I kept dropping out. Not because I found the content difficult (I got a First), but because I couldn’t focus enough to complete the assignments. Essays were the worst

I dropped out of an Access to Medicine course

I’ve dropped out of almost every job I’ve had. I’ve begun the process of retraining countless times

I lose interest in things very quickly

My friends with ADHD have had similar experiences. It’s not that we don’t have the potential and the intellect, it’s that it’s so much harder for us to reach these targets so we get exhausted and burnt out. I know this is going to happen because it happens every time, and I’m terrified of it happening again so I don’t dare try. It’s awful. I really hope the medication will help to change some of this.

For a diagnosis of ADHD, you generally have to have a history not just of certain behaviours but of having been significantly impaired by them, so that's the norm rather than the exception. That said, if you can get to a job that really suits you, maybe has lots of novelty, is highly structured or comes with lots of support for admin, there's no reason not to do a job well even with ADHD. Some people with inattentive ADHD rather than a lot of impulsivity or hyperactivity may also find it easier to stick with certain jobs even if they aren't doing them very efficiently.

For what it's worth, I don't think you should care what others think, and what I'm reading in your message is that really like your job and you're good at it - those are both huge things IMO - good for enjoying your daily life and for self esteem. Personally, I'd rather enjoy myself and be proud of doing a job well that's low status in some people's eyes, rather than miserable or failing in a job that's supposedly higher status (I'd be a terrible manager, for instance, but I'm good at what I do now). I mean it could still be worth thinking about what if anything you might enjoy even more, or if there are other reasons to do something different, but it shouldn't be because you think it's not impressive in other people's eyes.

To answer the OP - absolutely, imo. 100%. I feel like I've been handed an instruction manual to help me understand myself (and I'm a reflective person with years of therapy etc behind me - still).

Diagnosed with ADHD and autism / Asperger's as was at 38. I'm much more aware of my pitfalls, much more forgiving of my needs, and have started identifying and leaning into my strengths.

Like others very patchy work and relationship history despite on paper being capable.

@Irene23784 i agree. And I think it’s also about recognising your limits. I would love to do a masters (and a PhD) but, for now at least, I know that would be disastrous for my mental health even if I know that in theory I’m capable of ‘bigger things’. I try to look at things like, how much do I want to do this vs how much will it impact upon my wellbeing and try to find a balance. What’s impressive is that you’ve managed to stick to a job for six years despite all your difficulties. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.

Thanks so much @voiceofastar and @Irene23784- really interesting to read your posts.

@voiceofastar I also hyper focus on things that are of no use (Mumsnet, Twitter, crime documentaries, a particular game on my phone which I’ve been playing for about ten years and never really tire of, which is unusual for me) 😂 So much of your post resonates!

@Irene23784- thank you so much, and yes, there is a lot to be said for having a job I enjoy and am good at. It’s probably the first time I’ve ever felt I was doing really well in a job. I get great feedback and that feels like enough, for the time being at least. I like not having to bring work home or worry about it when I’m away from it so a job with too much responsibility wouldn’t be a good fit for me. Appreciate your comments.

Edit: Just seen your second post @voiceofastar- wise words and yes, relates to how I feel about too much responsibility in the workplace. I do best with clearly defined, specific tasks and a timescale to do them in.

Is career burnout around meno an ADHD thing? Someone said it’s made worse by hormonal shifts.

Diagnosis meant I thought I would get medication but ironically I couldn't take it in the end. Just learn adhd tricks for doing stuff and be kinder to yourself. Even those will help.

Yes. I think we are on constant stress in order to keep up with adhd anyway.

I wish I had understood the effect peri would have on my brain. The not being able to remember what happened 3 hours ago and string together the steps to do things. Not being able to pull information from my brain quickly. Completely forgetting things under stress.

I recently decluttered and have been setting up simple routines and generally reordering my priorities.

ADDitude did a podcast on this recently https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/adhd-experts-podcast/id668174671?i=1000640419253

I would not suggest the Marie Kondo method for anyone with ADHD. Dana K White is better for ADHDers.

Like anything, for some people it is helpful and for others it's not. A friend was diagnosed as an adult and told that, at her age, she's already found all the coping mechanisms to get through life and the only thing to help further is mediation. She finds the meds do help her focus and finish complex tasks without getting distracted.

Another friend is seeing a specialist coach who is trying to teach them methods of making life seem less chaotic and my friend finds them intolerably annoying and the methods fairly useless.

@Waitingfordoggo yes I'm quite similar with jobs and never really had a career as such. I'm not diagnosed but do share a lot of these traits.

My hyperfocus revolves around mumsnet and googling everything that pops into my head, which unfortunately is not useful to my career at all. we’re not all bouncing around full of energy and life and ideas

Lol this

I am in my early 40s and feel the same. I’m absolutely certain it’s me, but I don’t know if getting a diagnosis would change anything. I spent my school and university years ‘forgetting’ homework and exam revision and pulling all nighters or doing homework in the less9n before it was due. I’m always rushing, last minute and have always been forgetful.

Dozens of hobbies where I rush in and get obsessed, spend a fortune then abandon it. ‘Doom bags’ everywhere, compulsive spending, teenage years and early 20s cutting food drastically or compulsive secret eating, now I definitely an emotional eater and find it really hard to stick to a healthy diet. Hoarding tendencies but unable to pull myself together enough to declutter.

I’m a people-pleasing perfectionist at work - staying late, putting in extra hours but am overwhelmed by some things so put them off until I’m forced to deal with them. My personal life is a disaster. That particular paralysis when I have so much to do but m so overwhelmed nothing gets done (a half-renovated house which looks like a building site and I can’t move any further because I won’t call anyone or make a decision, so nothing has been touched for nearly a year and a half).

The one friend I have even mentioned it to says ‘but everyone’s like that’ and ‘everyone’s on a spectrum somewhere’ but I know there’s something to it. But I don’t know what good a diagnosis would actually do. I have found ways to cope with the absent-mindedness and forgetfulness at work. I can definitely see traits of attention deficit type adhd in my child too.

Started off well today, did some tidying whilst listening to an interesting podcast about diet and nutrition. Even cleaned the bathroom! Then went down a bit of a rabbithole on the subject and have been sat on the couch ever since.

I feel really sad about how much it's negatively impacted my life and how hard it is to change. The judgement and criticism from others is particularly hard. My ex used to call me a slob, it's always caused difficulties in relationships and pp eventually give up on me. Still don't really know if it's just a personality defect or actual ADHD. I'd love to have an actual diagnosis so maybe I could stop beating myself up and just accept it, rather than fighting it and trying and failing all the time. I'm so tired.

@DarkDarkNight is a doom bag a bag of shite that sits in the hall for months on end?

The one friend I have even mentioned it to says ‘but everyone’s like that’ and ‘everyone’s on a spectrum somewhere’

Comments like these are incredibly ignorant and really piss me off.

I'm in perimenopause and have the same suspicions as lots of you. I see the same distractable behaviour in ds14 (really bright, barely scraping through at school) and in my dad.

100% recommend Dana K White for ADHD decluttering.

I was an emotional eater and yo yo dieter for years.

What fixed it for me was eating higher protein. I did 6 months with a personal trainer last year and she got me tracking my macros.

I'm 99% sure I have under eaten for most of my life leading me to consume extra calories through sugar.

Now I have two high protein breakfasts (overnight oats and extra thick yoghurt with protein powder and eggs on toast and extra cottage cheese ). Always eat lunch and aim got 20g protein minimum. Balanced dinner again with 20g protein minimum. My focus is way better when I eat more protein. Plus always have healthy fats with carbs.

I still have to direct my focus but it helps.

Can I just say something on here that likely won't go down well with most people. I was diagnosed with adhd at a young age and have been medicated with various stimulants since early adulthood (there are non stimulant medications available but not as effective).

I would be very very careful before deciding to go on stimulants if you are diagnosed. Yes they work, very very well. Even in people without adhd they will increase productivity and motivation and focus, it's what they do. But unless you want to be dependent on medication it can be a slippery slope. I now find i can hardly function without it, worse than before the medication. When I started stimulants I thought they had saved my life as I was so on top of everything and could finally function. But years down the line I've needed increasing doses, and when I don't take them I feel really really lethargic and depressed.

Just please be careful. I'm in a sticky situation at the moment and i am on a few forums where hundreds of us are in the same boat.

Another thing that has helped a lot is using a walking treadmill. If I'm drowning under life admin at least I am doing it while on my walking treadmill!

And just to add I decided to comment after reading someone on here saying they've just started meds and have been cleaning the house etc and feeling like their life is finally sorted. That's exactly how everyone feels at first. In 5 years see if you still feel the same.

Do you mean it wears off?

It becomes less effective I guess like a lot of medication /drugs. So the first year or two you may feel like it's working perfectly but then it just starts wearing off so you have to up your dose or take an extra dose, and so on. You build a tolerance to it. And for me as I was diagnosed young and have a tolerance I am on a high dose and if I have a day off meds as its a weekend and I don't need to work I honestly feel like shit, no energy at all, just flat. I feel stuck tbh and I know I'm not the only one. It does make me a bit sad sometimes when I hear how optimistic people are when they first start meds because that's how I was. Not saying this will happen to everyone but it's a real danger and I do think stimulants are prescribed too much.