Neighbour 'borrowing' food

[JC03745]

If you borrow food from neighbours (eggs, potatoes etc) do you return the next day to replace it? A couple in their 30's knock every month or so asking for something they'd run out of. They both work full time in good jobs, her mother lives further up our street and there are shops a short drive away.

I've never had anyone ask for food, so unsure if I'm supposed to say 'can you replace that pack of onions' or is it implied its just given away? (I was born abroad so unsure if there is an etiquette I've missed?)

Bizarre and not okay.
I recommend
“No. i don’t have any you’ll need to go to the shop” on repeat

Bonus points if the requested item is visible at the time 😆

Just say you don't have any everytime they ask and they'll stop eventually. Asking for sugar or some milk once or twice is fine but they're taking the piss now.

Unless you're in the middle of nowhere then most towns and cities have a general store that's open late hours. I think they're taking you as a soft touch. I too would say "sorry, I don't have that item at the moment" every time.

This is weird if there's shops nearby. Asking for the odd cup of milk or sugar if you're suddenly caught in a baking bind is fine, and we have local kids who knock on to ask if they can have apples from our trees, but monthly requests for free food? Nah, they need to go to the shops like everyone else!

Most folk have access to a nearby 24hr petrol station with basic goods. Asking once or twice is fine, but every month - no way! They're taking the piss.

No is a complete sentence.

The etiquette is as a working adult whose mother lives a street or two away you don't ask your neighbours for it.

The last time I borrowed food e.g. one onion, a couple of teabags from anyone was as a student in my 20s.

Theres no etiquette here as it's not the done thing at all to ask for food. Just say "no sorry," there's really no need to give them any sort of reason.

If they persist maybe ask them a concerned question if weather they need to the details of a food bank.

You're not a food bank. Just say you don't have anything in. Or go to them to borrow stuff, see how they like it.

Joey doesn't share food.

I was wondering whether maybe they're struggling...

It’s certainly not unusual and rarely returned but generally you request this kind of assistance from a neighbor you know very well.
You don’t give if you can’t spare but it’s usually tiny amounts for an item you’ve found missing midway through cooking, so 1 tbsp of baking powder, 1 egg, 1 stalk of celery, 1 clove of garlic.
and no you don’t expect these items returned.

That's not the OP's problem though. They could ask the mum.

Yes. £10.00 please.

Surely, you don't think I give food away? That's hilarious.

In my 50s, never done it or been asked by a neighbour and I know them all well having only lived in two homes since my early twenties. I might have very occasionally been at DM's and said have you an onion or something to save going to the shop, but with access to goods today there's really no need.

A few of our neighbours are like this and I would say maybe 9/10 times a year someone knocks asking for something but it’s never anything particularly expensive or crazy (usually some milk, couple of teabags, some bread, in the summer it’s burger buns or similar) so I don’t mind and wouldn’t ever expect them to replace it. Obviously would be different if they were asking for a whole chicken or box of tea bags regularly but for a few bits here and there which never really add up to more than £1 a time I don’t expect it replaced

Sounds odd, maybe they still need to grow up and organise themselves. Unless you're a very generous person, next time just say 'no' - if not maybe you could get them back and start knocking on their door.

I’ve loaned out a tube of tomato puree to a neighbour and was happy to help but this seems a bit more than someone caught on the hop

If it’s visible you just say I need those for tonight’s dinner.

Like any other favour people don't 'have' to replace - it's polite for them to do so however.
It shouldn't be so frequent so these people are CFs and you should say no.

We do this locally in my road - my next door neighbour regularly asks me for a carrot, some spice or an onion for example. I sometimes ask for an egg or a spice thats run out. We'd reliably replace a vegetable item and pop one back next door when our next shop has happened. We wouldn't replace a spoonful of spice.

I'd have thought the clue is in the word borrow. Or do they not ask to borrow it, do they say can I have...?

Either way, start saying no or you'll become their local Tesco.

One egg or a cup of milk as a one off I wouldn’t expect replacing but more/after the first time I would.

“Sorry no, we’ve run out of eggs / flour / sugar / onions. In fact if you’re popping to the shops anytime soon could you get me some to replace the ones you borrowed last time, ta”.

You won’t get the items, but it should put a stop to the requests.

I suppose it depends how friendly you are with your neighbour; we are friendly with ours and if the asked food we would give it to them if we had it and we wouldn't expect it to be replaced and vice versa.

We also ask if they need anything from the shop, look after each other's homes whilst they are on holiday put the bin out etc

When I was a child, this sort of thing might have happened now and again. There was no expectation of it being returned because it would be a neighbour you know well, usually someone who lives next door or across the road and the assumption was that it would be reciprocated. This was necessary occassionally because this was when there weren't shops on every street corner/24 hour garages etc so sometimes, on a Sunday for example, you might be in the middle of cooking the Sunday roast only to discover you didn't have any sugar for the apple crumble, or whatever.

The only time I have seen this happen in the last 20 years is during Covid where occassionally we would do small swaps with local neighbours because our local store was often closed and/or had long queues. In which case we discussed repayment or bargain at the time - sure, I' can give you those onions but I don't supposed you have a couple of carrots going spare? I was just goign to leave them out but I'll take the gap if you have some.

Oh wait, I remember another time - DD was a baby, napping, DS was about 5. I once asked over the wall if the neighbours had a tin of tomatoes as I was half way through cooking dinner, realised I didn't have any, and couldn't go out due to napping baby! :) On a similar occassion, I texted my NDN and asked her if I could bribe her teenager to go for me (she did).

But even that I wouldn't do now becuas I just order from Deliveroo probably.