Is going from 1-2 really that awful? Did anyone actually find it easy?

[mamacitas7]

I’m around 6 weeks pregnant with my 2nd which was unplanned. I’d been on the fence for ages about a 2nd as I really haven’t had any desire to have another. I’m so content at the moment and I have everything I could ever want and more in my lovely DS and DP, we have a lovely life together. Personally I’ve never found motherhood difficult, despite DP working away and only being home at weekends. DS has slept through the night from being 6 weeks old and never went through any regressions and never been an early riser, always been easy going and in a good routine and easily adapts to anything. He will be 3 in a few months and I couldn’t be enjoying life with him anymore, it’s a breeze and I feel so lucky. He took to potty training incredibly well earlier in the year, pretty much potty trained himself in a few days and never has any regressions or issues. He is hilarious and you can have full blown conversations with him which is amazing. Life is super simple and easy. We can afford to take him on 2/3 holidays a year and can afford nice days out without having to really think about it. Having another would very much impact this.

I’m about 70% learning towards a termination as all I don’t want to turn our lives upside down when I’m so content and all I ever hear is horror stories about having another and how hard the fist few years are. I’m enjoying DS so much and feel like these are the best years of our lives, I don’t want that to be ruined for the next few years by the difficulty of another child and for the time to pass by without me actually realising. The guilt is so intense and all I’ve done is cry myself to sleep every night. I don’t feel like there is a right answer, I know I will likely regret a termination when DS is a bit older as I do like the thought of 2 older children. They say you never get 2 the same and knowing my luck I’d end up with a very difficult 2nd child. If I could be guaranteed another like DS there would be no hesitation. We both have small families, DS has no cousins and won’t ever. I worry about the loneliness when he is a bit older. There would be a 3.5 year age gap.

Has anyone also really enjoyed motherhood with their first child, felt the same as me and also really enjoyed a 2nd child? How did you find it, is it as hard as people say? Are all the horror stories true? If you had a termination in a similar situation do you regret it?

@kikisparks how horrible to say that home schooled kids are worse off. Home schooling parents usually find activities where kids hang out with peers on regular basis. Not my cup of tea but would not make such statements about home schooled kids.

And yes, if there is more than one child , kids learn to also share time and attention not toys only. This can't be replicated by hanging out with friends.

After all, maybe it would be for the best if OP terminates - if only 'ideal' child is accepted. I wonder if their current DC got sick and is no longer 'ideal'. Would that be a reason to terminate DC life?

Where did I say they are worse off? I was responding to the suggesting that a child without siblings gets their way all the time. I said, the only way it would even be possible for a child to get their way all the time would be through permissive parenting and home schooling (with the obvious implication that I mean some kind of home schooling where the parents let them get their way all the time, I appreciate most home schooling will not be like that). If children are given boundaries by their parents, OR they go to school, then they will not get their own way all the time as they will have to follow rules.

And of course children without siblings share time and attention. Most parents cannot give all their time and attention to their child and that time and attention has to be shared with work, the other parent, friends, other family members etc. And at school they will have to share the teacher’s time and attention with the other pupils. Children without siblings do not grow up thinking all time and attention will be on them. Again you are relying on outdated stereotypes. There are good reasons to have two children but none of them are that a child is necessarily worse off without siblings. There is a wealth of research to demonstrate this. In general children without siblings have been found in social skills and personality to be pretty much the same as those with siblings.

I can understand OP’s point about significant disabilities. I am fortunate that I have not had to parent a child with significant disabilities but I can well see how someone may wish to avoid the impact on a first child of so very much of their time, attention and energy having to go to a child with a very high level of care needs, the possibility of having to give up work to care for that child and the resultant loss of income and poorer lifestyle, having to fight with authorities to get services and benefits, and worries over that child when you are gone and the impact on your existing child. Of course OP is likely to have a child without such needs but the possibility is always there.

Are you anti abortion? As if not surely you see the difference between terminating an early stage pregnancy and killing a child?

@mamacitas7 how are you OP? What did you decide to do?