Is going from 1-2 really that awful? Did anyone actually find it easy?

[mamacitas7]

I’m around 6 weeks pregnant with my 2nd which was unplanned. I’d been on the fence for ages about a 2nd as I really haven’t had any desire to have another. I’m so content at the moment and I have everything I could ever want and more in my lovely DS and DP, we have a lovely life together. Personally I’ve never found motherhood difficult, despite DP working away and only being home at weekends. DS has slept through the night from being 6 weeks old and never went through any regressions and never been an early riser, always been easy going and in a good routine and easily adapts to anything. He will be 3 in a few months and I couldn’t be enjoying life with him anymore, it’s a breeze and I feel so lucky. He took to potty training incredibly well earlier in the year, pretty much potty trained himself in a few days and never has any regressions or issues. He is hilarious and you can have full blown conversations with him which is amazing. Life is super simple and easy. We can afford to take him on 2/3 holidays a year and can afford nice days out without having to really think about it. Having another would very much impact this.

I’m about 70% learning towards a termination as all I don’t want to turn our lives upside down when I’m so content and all I ever hear is horror stories about having another and how hard the fist few years are. I’m enjoying DS so much and feel like these are the best years of our lives, I don’t want that to be ruined for the next few years by the difficulty of another child and for the time to pass by without me actually realising. The guilt is so intense and all I’ve done is cry myself to sleep every night. I don’t feel like there is a right answer, I know I will likely regret a termination when DS is a bit older as I do like the thought of 2 older children. They say you never get 2 the same and knowing my luck I’d end up with a very difficult 2nd child. If I could be guaranteed another like DS there would be no hesitation. We both have small families, DS has no cousins and won’t ever. I worry about the loneliness when he is a bit older. There would be a 3.5 year age gap.

Has anyone also really enjoyed motherhood with their first child, felt the same as me and also really enjoyed a 2nd child? How did you find it, is it as hard as people say? Are all the horror stories true? If you had a termination in a similar situation do you regret it?

I genuinely find it easier with 2 - they play together beautifully and the joy I get from watching them play together and love one another is beyond anything I can express in words x

I found 1 to 2 very easy (incredibly easy!). I really struggled with 0 to 1.

Literally this. I struggled with the relentlessness of parenting and the lack of personal space or time when I had my first. 1-2 by comparison was very easy - I knew what to expect so I rolled with it much better. We had 3.5yrs between the two and it's a lovely gap, and they're still very close now at 11 and 8.

2 was only easy in comparison to our first who had colic and barley slept for 12 months. But I found it easier, not so clueless, slightly less sleep deprived. Love my 3rd to bits and wouldn't ever want to not have him, but Id say highly recommend 2, don't have 3 unless you're fully committed and really desperately want a third. But my friend with 6 would say 2-3-4 were a breeze.

Honestly if you're happy as a family of 3, I would stick with it.

We had a surprise second and they have significant developmental delays, so it's not been the journey we thought we were going to have. I know my eldest is often frustrated that their sibling doesn't play with them like they see other children play together 😢

My second child was twins. I found it in many ways easier than my first child - more confidant as a mother I suppose

Personally if I found out my mother had aborted a healthy sibling for the reasons you have given then I'm not sure I'd ever forgive them

Yes my 3 have the usual arguments and sibling squabbles but their sibling bond transcends that and they fiercely love and protect each other.

I'd rather have given my child a sibling with a lifetime of memories than a couple of foreign holidays a year where the memories fade as quick as the tan when you get home

Daughter was born seven weeks ago and my son is 3.5. Going from one to two was a piece of cake! Probably because our son can do lots for himself and is in full time childcare. I was also recovered from the birth after two weeks which made a massive difference.

It’s the OPs choice though @ihaventfedthecat , not her child’s or anybody’s. But the only accepting ‘perfect’ children on this thread is a bit unpleasant to read, I have to say.

Would that have been the case had daughter been a son, or slept badly, or a myriad of any factors?

My first was a nightmare as a baby (lovely now!) but the idea I wouldn’t have had him because of that is … blimey.

I really struggled with my first but having my second felt so much easier and I actually enjoyed it. Helped that she slept more though!

1 to 2 was easy - you already know what you’re doing.
And a sibling imho is the BEST gift you will ever give child number 1.

However, I think talking to someone neutral (GP? Counsellor? Helpline?) would help because you shouldn’t have this baby unless you want him/her for their sake and yours. Good luck whatever you decide. 💐

That's lovely, but I absolutely hated my brother growing up.

I know OP wants reassurance, and she'll get it, but it's not a guarantee of anything.

I really struggled with my first as she just took a bomb to our lives and I found the adjustment tough. She was also a terrible sleeper and a screamer which didn't help!

Our second was a thousand times easier - we were already in that young kid phase, and she actually slept which helped.

They're 6 and 4 now and best of friends (although plenty of squabbling too, obviously). The second absolutely made our family.

That said, I think you do need to work on the assumption that you won't have as easy a baby the second time around, and of course if you don't want to continue with your pregnancy then you shouldn't feel any pressure to do so.

Absolutely love, love, loved having 2 (2 year gap). Found it easy and fun and personally didn't know what all the fuss was about! We are now on holiday and those 2 are now 7 and 9 and would be lost without eachother (as was the case from they were 1 and 3). Never regretted it for a moment and am sad our third child (age 2) won't have the same bond with a closely aged sibling. If I could have a 4th I would, but my husband said no, so...haha

I found it easier to go from one to two than it was to go from no child to one, @mamacitas7.

With your first baby, everything is new, and you have to learn every skill, and it takes time to become confident with handling the baby, and making all the daily decisions.

With the second baby, you already have all these skills and the confidence, and that makes it easier to take the leap from one to two. You use the skills you have which make looking after the baby easier than it was looking after No 1, and that gives you the time to look after the toddler at the same time.

I hope this makes sense - I have a cold and my head is full of concrete, so I can’t find the words to say what I am meaning.

I have a brother 5 years older and we hated each other growing up and we have no relationship at all now. I remember telling my mum I barely knew him and I think it really upset her. So I struggle to understand when people say it's the best gift you'll ever give your child. DP has a brother and while they live at opposite ends of the country now, they were very close growing up. Disabilities/severe learning delays is a huge reason I'm gearing towards termination, I just feel it would be so unfair on my DS and I'm not sure it's worth the risk.

I think you need to look forward. To when your son is older. I sit here today with 3 DC who are 20, 19 and 16.
And, yes there is no guarantee, but their sibling bond is incredible. And I can't imagine my life without my siblings being in it.
Siblings give a child so much.
The early days when your next DC maybe won't sleep etc go very fast.
I look back at having 3 under 4 and I don't remember how hard it was (and at times it was) or how tired I was. I remember the fun we had as a little gang. I remember the sports days with them all in it together. I remember all the family meals chatting away and arguing and listening to them share school experiences. I remember the games the made up and played together, my eldest being a bossy so and so etc etc
Really try to think past their baby hoods. My first 2 are boys, in consecutive school years (although at uni now) and they are best mates. They have their own mates but they are a great support to each other. And to their younger sister as well.
Nothing is ever guaranteed in life.
My DH and his brother are dealing with their dad's dementia as a pair. They support each other in it. It would be very hard alone.
I am absolutely sure there are loads of advantages to being an only child. Many. But there are also a great deal of benefits to having siblings.

@summerlovingvibes do you mind if I ask when your 2 started playing nicely together? The age gap between mine is same as yours but youngest is 17 months and oldest just constantly hurts him and pushes him. They rarely play together as youngest just destroys everything and doesn't play in the same way. Your post gives me hope!

Genuine question- was the importance of family never instilled in you both? Even with different characters and change in circumstances as you get older, I struggle to understand siblings who hate eachother. I get the fighting and arguing but not the outright “I’ve never liked them” attitude.

OP, think you've had a name change fail - I think if you report your posts, MN can fix it for you in case you don't want this thread linked to your usual username.

@iwantsunshine1

Hmmm properly started "playing" maybe a couple of months ago? Little one will attempt to play hide and seek / they play at the toy kitchen / play food / play ice creams etc. Little one copies older one - for example if older one is running around with a towel as a cape (this mornings example) then little one will copy and then they will run off together and hide etc.

We still have issues with things like puzzles - little one destroys. But even in the last month things like painting and play doh they will both sit at the table now and do together / share pens etc. love sitting and reading together - older one pretending to read stories to younger one etc.

Definite squabbles but only minor. Little one bosses big one around if anything.

The joy of my life is seeing the relationship between my two children. The first year of having two was hard but from then on, it was easier I think than having one. I didn't feel quite like I was the entire world to them because they have each other. But it's not the path you would have chosen and not one you have to take. Once you have made a decision I think you will feel more positive. You are in limbo and it's an awful place to be. Are you getting support in real life?

Awful? No. Hard work? Yes. 20 months between mine. I was in my 40s and developed type 1 diabetes when pregnant, so a few challenges. But it certainly wasn't a nightmare.
However they are almost adult now and do not get along. They were never really friends even (one girl one boy). So you can't count on that.
Plus what's 'with my luck'? You had just described having a dream child?

I just meant surely nobody is that lucky twice.