Likelihood of neighbours exploding with rage

[Setorrunny]

The live next door. We both have detached houses. Gardens run alongside for about 40’ and then our plot has a field and paddock attached and then it’s open countryside for literally miles.

The neighbours hate forriners. We are forrin and slightly brown. They moved from their last house to “get away from that sort of thing” and must have been horrified to see us!

Anyway they have complained about pretty much everything they can. Noisy mower. Noisy children. Holiday cottage (tiny, for 2 people) at the end of the field. Our BBQ. Our chimnea. Not putting the bin away quick enough, and the outdoor solar fairy lights being too bright and on a flashy pattern.

They are only mid 30s and have two young children who they won’t let play in the garden in case someone from the holiday cottage sees them because literally any paedo could be in there, etc.

Latest was that they objected to me and DH quietly chatting on the patio at the outrageously late hour of 10:30, Saturday before last. They come round and stand with their finger on the ring doorbell, ranting.

Anyway, the local farmer has delivered two beehives and they’re buzzing away beautifully, in our garden. They are placed in such a way that forces them to fly up and over, away from the neighbours but some of them are quite disobedient.

I don’t think the neighbours have noticed yet. But they’re going to go crackers aren’t they?

I also have children and DH and I sat right next to each other on the outdoor sofa, murmuring and doing the Waitrose newspaper crossword because that’s how gangsta we are. The patio is a good 50’ from the neighbours.

Don't you have any chickens ?

Lovely fresh eggs to share with your neighbours.

They haven’t mentioned the bees. I don’t know if they can see the hives. Given that she told Betty she was “keeping a diary” she must have peeked through the fence at some point I’d imagine though.

If they went in their garden they would see the flight path. But they don’t, cos of the pedo forriners etc.

No but my friend did and I didn’t like the noise they made when they were laying, if an egg got stuck. Like awful shitting or something. It put me off.

Even outside of their attitude, the not putting you bin in soon enough, mower, lights … sounds like a tough existence op, hope the bees get to work quickly 😉 #teamop

I know you are jollying yourself and us along OP, but honestly her 'shopping' you to the neighbours must be disturbing. I'm really glad your other neighbours seem sane and normal. Maybe invite the sane ones around for a garden party?!

It’s bizarre admittedly. I mean, what does she actually think anyone can do? Drive us out of town??? Frankly she’s made herself look even more loopy than before.

My diagnosis is that the husband is excessively domineering and controlling and keeps her in a state of high alert to his own ends.

Some people are weird. We have a neighbour several doors down who complained to us about other neighbours making noise, trying to get us to agree with her. She claimed that the neighbours two doors down from her and three doors from us (i.e. they are kind of in the middle) teenage children were making so much noise playing football in the garden that she and her partner couldn't concentrate on a film they were watching on TV. All the houses are detached so quite a distance away and double glazed. Her windows were apparently closed. I said I hadn't heard anything, which I hadn't and can't understand how she managed to either considering she was going on about how super duper her new double glazing was when she was having it installed. She complains a lot however and says how much trouble she had with her neighbours at her last house - I am not at all surprised!

Assuming they knew about the holiday cottage before they moved in? I’d be keeping my own bloody diary, of how often they’ve commented/come round/harassed you. I get you’re being lighthearted (what can you do, laugh or you’d cry!) but they sound like they’re running a campaign of hate, frankly. I’d seriously be asking it known to the neighbourhood police team that the comments/visits have been made. You are obviously allowed to sit in your own garden at night!

I blooming love your elderly neighbour telling her she’s bonkers! First jar of honey to that man!

I was trying to work out what a tea mop was and what it had to do with this thread...I'm tired, in my defence 😴

Sounds like you are being outrageous in your garden @Setorrunny I mean, chatting with your dh in your own back garden at 10.30pm on a Saturday evening! Not even mentioning doing the Waitrose mag crossword puzzle. Ahh, maybe that was it! They were also doing it and you gave away some answers. Or you finished it before them 😆

Glad you have some sensible neighbours on your side, but I would keep a diary of all the batshit ones actions just in case.

longtompot
I just thought ‘teamop?’ And then thought ‘what did I mean by team mop?’ 😅😅😅 going to bed😅😅😅

So there’s more.

Saturday, different guests in the cottage - always a trigger. There had been a LOT of smoke in the paddock briefly that morning as the beekeeper came to inspect the hives and fiddle about with them and he had to use a special smoker thing. But cheerfully nothing from the Very Cross neighbours.

We had had a HARD day on Saturday, loads of difficult things to address and finally collapsed in the garden with the crossword, some citronella candles and <drum roll> a smokeless log.

Within minutes next door was literally leaning on the doorbell. Over and over and over, and ordinarily I’d ignore it but I was bothered that he might damage the guests’ ver ver posh car so I opened the door. He reckoned that his house was “full of smoke”. I let him go on and asked had he finished and he said “What’s wrong with you? You do this all the time.” I didn’t retaliate at all and said “have you finished? Have you said what you’ve got to say?” And he stuck up the middle finger whilst his wife stood behind him recording it all. And then went in. He came back a second time but I didn’t open the door and then there was some shouting from next door too.

And what I’ve sussed is that this isn’t about smoke - it’s about whenever there’s guests here, he kicks off late at night. There was NO smoke and I think they have a camera in their back bedroom which is trained on my garden so they can see as soon as there is any movement near the chiminea.

So it appears that I’m not allowed to sit in my own garden and mind my own business without being harassed. His parting shot was “I’ve asked you nicely.” He most certainly hasn’t!

You need to keep a diary - they are harassing you and you may need to contact the police.

Im in awe of your humour and grace though! Wish you were our neighbour =)

#TeaMop

I agree, this is harassment. I know you’ve posted about this in a lighthearted manner but his behaviour has escalated and he’s behaving in a very aggressive and threatening manner towards you. I’m not one to jump on the MN ‘log it with 101’ bandwagon but I do think it should be reported. Clearly there’s no relationship with him to salvage so you’ve nothing to lose.

I have taken your advice and logged it with the local constabulary and I have an incident number.

Im disappointed this is where we have ended up and in the grand scheme of dickery, other people have far worse to deal with. But then the lawyer in me kicks in, and boom, protection from harassment and stalking. There it is.

For context, here is the inferno they had to face…

^^

Fellow Irish/Catholic will be “sure that’s not a patch on benediction.”

He is a crackpot. He is going to look daft if the police call round. You mentioned in your OP that you were slightly brown. Do you think all the riots have got him riled up?

So you both live in the countryside, have 40 foot enclosed gardens, detached houses and a field behind you and he's still obsessed with what's occurring on your own patio?!

I think the likelihood of implosion is very high indeed.

Don't forget to download all the doorbell footage.

You definitely have space for peacocks.

Aaww that's not an egg getting stuck, that's their proud noise to tell you to 'come and look what I've laid for you'....🐔🥚🍳🐣

Haha rubbing hands too. OP I like your humour hahah

yes, and maybe start a spreadsheet to track the shades of red that his face turns to? My reasoning is that this will be linked to his blood pressure and so you might be able to predict when he will experience some sort of internal explosion?

Hmmmm. It is of course possible that the neighbours are howling lunatics who dislike you because of your skin colour. Then again I’m fairly sure I’d find living next to you a pain in the arse too. I don’t give a shit about fairy lights but I’m going to assume you have noisy pricks in your holiday home, and I’d bet my bottom dollar you’re a LOT noisier on your patio than you think you are (no one ever thinks they’re being noisy). Plus you seem to do a lot of random noisy smelly smoky stuff in your garden. And BEES?!?! Why the fuck have you got bees.

I think you need to accept your neighbours probably have a point and try and reach some kind of truce before this escalates.

Well the reason have to have Bees is because we would like Bees. Same as anybody else who would like Bees.