Likelihood of neighbours exploding with rage

[Setorrunny]

The live next door. We both have detached houses. Gardens run alongside for about 40’ and then our plot has a field and paddock attached and then it’s open countryside for literally miles.

The neighbours hate forriners. We are forrin and slightly brown. They moved from their last house to “get away from that sort of thing” and must have been horrified to see us!

Anyway they have complained about pretty much everything they can. Noisy mower. Noisy children. Holiday cottage (tiny, for 2 people) at the end of the field. Our BBQ. Our chimnea. Not putting the bin away quick enough, and the outdoor solar fairy lights being too bright and on a flashy pattern.

They are only mid 30s and have two young children who they won’t let play in the garden in case someone from the holiday cottage sees them because literally any paedo could be in there, etc.

Latest was that they objected to me and DH quietly chatting on the patio at the outrageously late hour of 10:30, Saturday before last. They come round and stand with their finger on the ring doorbell, ranting.

Anyway, the local farmer has delivered two beehives and they’re buzzing away beautifully, in our garden. They are placed in such a way that forces them to fly up and over, away from the neighbours but some of them are quite disobedient.

I don’t think the neighbours have noticed yet. But they’re going to go crackers aren’t they?

Goats... They will remove the need for any mower...

Geese. That's what you need.

Also: smart as a what, now?

I’m assuming you don’t light the chimnea if the wind is blowing their way or the smoke would go in their windows?
All the things you’ve said sound fairly trivial, but put together you do sound like it would be annoying living next to you. When you are out late a night do you lower your voices or carry on at full volume?

I’m limbering up. DH wants alpacas but I hear that they are cocky and spit.

We have constructed a wicker-man from tyres and scream sky-clad until first light or until the flames subside.

I should add that the neighbour has a motorbike which he rides daily and tunes up on a weekend.

Invite the local Morris Dancers over?

That’s a nice idea! I actually know the local ones!

OP, please promise you'll keep us posted on their reaction blow by blow. And do not dismiss alpacas or donkeys just yet.

The fact that you think it’s funny isn’t a great sign tbh!

I would 100% watch this as a sitcom!

@Meadowtrees they are arseholes, openly bigoted and complain about anything and everything when actually what they’re usually complaining about is the fact that they’ve bought a house in the sticks to get away from foreigners and end up living next to a mixed race family. But I refuse to get het up at a man who I have on my ring doorbell video screaming “it’s half past fucking ten at night” as he rang it 23 times.

Interestingly his wife is a mouse of a woman and does exactly as she’s told. As all women should.

You know, there’s something about him - he’s clearly VERY used to shouting and people doing as they are told. I don’t know what he does for a job and I suppose I’d assumed it was forces of some sort, but it may well be that he’s just an ordinary bully.

Just check your NDN don’t have any anaphylactic reactions to bee stings

Nah, don't do that.

I can recommend a very territorial gander in your front garden if you want to avoid the repeated doorbell ringing in future? The only downside is that you might have to make alternative arrangements for post, deliveries, visiting friends and so on.

If you ever sell your holiday cottage, @Setorrunny, can my DP and I come and live in it? I'd love it if you were my neighbours, you sound brilliant! 😁

I’ve always fancied ducks, hear they’re a bit smelly though. Chickens are good though and goats would keep in top of the grass for you, and everything else you tried to grow!

Neighbours sound batshit and you seem to be handling it all well.

Oh look up the song ‘He’s a man’ by Bob Vylan and play it loudly at reasonable times. You know, coz he’s a proper manly man.

Mmm, I wonder if you are a bit annoying as neighbours.

They sound unreasonable but you don't seem much better.

I don’t think anyone can advise you without knowing how loud you are when outside at 10.30. They have small children so presumably you are considerate of them?

Yes of course we have permission for the cottage! It’s older than the house as it happens!

Their garden is entirely self contained. The only way anyone in the cottage would be able to see into their garden is if they hung out of the bathroom window and a funny angle, or got on the roof, both of which have never been an issue.

It was literally just me and DH sitting on the patio - which isn’t even on their side of the garden, having a bottle of wine. The BBQ was still lit which I think formed part of their ire because they also shouted they could smell it. We had had sausages and 2 burgers, and had the vent open at the bottom to let the heat out a bit. At 10:30, on a Saturday eve.

<unrelated fact> it was a changeover day on the cottage and the guests were 100% Not White and also Not English speaking. But they can’t actually complain about that though, can they?

I do hope so, now.

Flashy lights would bother me (my neighbours behind have them at Xmas and they are totally obnoxious and must give everyone who can see them headaches) but other than that they are nuts! Enjoy your bees!

Flashing lights - just at Christmas fine but all year unreasonable- you do sound a little painful as a neighbour but they don’t sound any better - good match really!