Anyone else not invisible in middle age?

[MadYoke]

I've read a lot about women becoming invisible as they age but haven't experienced it myself. I'm 60, and I feel quite seen, at work, and just generally. I was wondering if it is about not being desired by men, rather than not being seen? That is probably true, it just doesn't bother me too much. I've gotten more assertive as I age, perhaps that has countered the invisibility? What do others of my age think?

Not at all. I'm in great shape and I'm happy.

I do think whatever age you are if you keep trim and are a positive and happy person you attract attention. I don't mean sexual attention just attention in general from women as well as men.

I've got two sisters and a sister in law and they are the same too.

There's frankly so much garbage written about the menopause on here I'm just glad i didn't see it all before i hit my mid 40s.

I don't feel invisible at all and I'm not in a high flying career, I'm pretty ordinary. And i still care about things as much, all this "no fucks left to give" rhetoric is crass and annoying to me.

I'm still basically me, just a bit older and hopefully a bit wiser.

Hear Hear! While I acknowledge ageism is wide spread, I am also tired of all the spiel about menopause being the death of all your hopes and dreams. I feel liberated!

I'm 43. Getting more confident and attractive every year. Partly down to tone and money and kids being teens. Partly down to the menopause kickstarting my I don't give a fuck phase of life.

Yes I actually feel more 'seen' at work now than when I was younger. That's because I won't let people talk over me and will be blunt if necessary. Was never interested in attention from random men either so don't care if I'm visible or not to them. I defend my space much more than when I was younger so if people pretend not to see me and try to barge me out of the way they'll feel my boney elbows.

Isn’t it just young people who have a negative view of aging, because they have a distorted view of what they think it must feel like. They cannot imagine what it’s like to be middle age and are revolted by it as it signifies decaying. That means young people and their biases are not best placed to judge us.

I feel more attractive at 51. I’m practically fizzing with sexual energy at the moment 🤩.

I guess I am just a different version of myself, so can’t compare young me to 51 year old me. Young and older men would like me at 30. Now only older men like me. But hey that’s ok. I’m realistic.

work wise, everyone listens to me they have no choice! I am very confident and experienced.

People could be horrible to younger me. Now no one would dare!

I had to literally step into a hedge this afternoon to avoid two oblivious young men who were about to walk right into me - so, yes, I do feel invisible. It wouldn't have happened when I was 20ish and gorgeous.

I always presumed this feeling invisible was about male sexual attention. I certainly don't feel they're on my heels trying to get my attention, but like some here, I feel very relevant and visible.

But then, my thinking might be skewed... I was ill over the weekend and watching old Murder She Wrote and the opening cedits of the first episode made me think she's my new hero. It showed clips of an older woman fishing, on her own, up a ladder doing home repars on her own, living her best life etc. There's soemthing to be said for competent independence, and it isn't really sexy.

Agreed. I'm in my 50s and feel totally seen in life in places and with people where it matters to me.

Bit think the whole 'invisible' thing related to make gaze which I never based my visibility on anyway

@FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot
Indeed, I am fitter and stronger than I've ever been and have more time to take care of myself.
I'm well respected in my career , all of which add to my self worth.
I'm far more confident now and it shows.

I'm in my mid sixties and I feel neither invisible ( including to men) nor irrelevant. I also find that people of all ages are nicer and more polite to me than at any other time in my life.
I'm not saying this to make other people feel bad, that's simply my experience.

I know this will sound big headed but at 43 I get far more attention than I ever have!
I get male attention from late teens upwards, which is rather embarrassing esp in front of my young adult son 🙄🤣

I was going to respond but I'm only 40 so according to this thread I don't qualify as middle aged 🤔

I'm mid 40's. I feel much more visible than I did in my 20's. People listen to me and take my opinions seriously.

I remember being in my 20's and struggling to get people to listen to me. I was pretty, petite and kind of cute looking. I was also intelligent and talented, but as a younger woman I was not taken seriously.

I think the change in how I am treated is partly due to me becoming more confident and assertive.... but also it is a lot to do with how society see young women. In my opinion younger women are treated worse by society than older women. This isn't a good thing at all and reflects how young women in our culture are objectified and sexualised. Not good. It's pure misogyny.

I always think this when I read threads about older women apparently being invisible. I love being older and being valued as a whole person.

I don’t feel invisible myself, but I feel guilty because I do tend to tune out other women who claim to feel invisible. So I’m probably adding to their perceptions

No you're only a young one!

THANKYOU for starting this OP! I started a post about this ages ago as I don't understand it at all.

Yep I get more attention than ever, chatted up etc and it was same for my mum. She still gets chatted up in her 70s. I feel like I get more visible the older I get, more confident, more relevant, more attractive, more me! My mum and other older females I know say the same. I look around and older people feel a much bigger part of society, always talking to people. It's younger people who seem to slink by unnoticed apart from by their peers. I felt invisible to adults in my teens and 20s.

The only thing I don't get is sleazy old men who are interested in teenagers, and thank fuck for that.

I'm with you OP. Part of it is time and money-- I can exercise, have my hair done often, source flattering clothes. Part of it is confidence, being senior and experienced at work and enjoying it.

Nope, not about being "seen by men". I can't get served in a bar and people walk into me often.

I'm with you OP, I would have started one of these threads but I felt too big headed. I am still very visible - in fact, I am taken more seriously. Like the previous poster, I am very petite and "cute", so it was difficult to prove my intelligence when I was younger. Now people respect my opinion. Men still flirt with me - not young men though, thank God (I have sons and a DD, I would feel weird flirting with young men - why do older men not feel like this???).

I also can name loads of beautiful older women who are not invisible - from Michellle Pfeiffer to Christine Lagarde - and even if you do not like her, Marine Le Pen is not invisible. I follow lots of older women on Instagram - they inspire my style.

The first time I heard this was on here, and I think it was to do with no longer being flirted at or wolf whistled in the street or something. I thought it was silly: people complain about receiving uninvited male attention, then complain when they no longer receive it!

Anyway I'm 55 and not invisible. I'm out walking all the time and people alwsys stop and talk. I have friends and meet people at clubs. I doubt I'm ogled at by men, but then I'm happily married so I don't care.

Thank you MadYoke. Great thread.

I have never felt invisible to people who matter.

In my late 60s I'm stomping through life in my DMs.