Insane sexual chemistry with colleague

[Lillywho]

Away for a work trip and we work with external companies who also fly out to help on events.

The first day I locked eyes with one of the Managers and the chemistry was just insane. It was like a gravitational pull. I couldn't stop leaning in, laughing and smiling. After two days the nervousness was out of this world and I couldn't think of anything else but him. He's 12 years older than me too, 27 and 39. We are both in happy relationships but I know he felt it too as he was nervous, couldn't stop staring at me and the eye contact was awfully deep.
We've obviously kept it professional and it wouldn't ever go further as we discussed both our family's etc.

Has anyone ever experienced this? I never have until today. I'm now on my flight home and I'm just completely overwhelmed by it all and so disheartened I probably won't see him again as he lives 4 hours away and like I said, both in LTR's.

He probably dies this all the time. Stares at women and agrees with them so that they think are soul mates 'no way, I love vanilla ice cream too'.

Just leave your partner if you think this man is the one for you.

Yep been there done that didn't act on it, regrettably 😉

I dated someone who I had that insane chemistry with from the moment we first saw each other.

the sex was awful and he turned out to be a bit of a loser.

If you can't be put in the same room and colleagues are taking the piss out of you... does that make you feel good? It sounds a bit pathetic but at the same time, you're taking the hit.

As PP, the woman always cops the flak, even if nothing happens, anything and everything is on her, never him. Totally unfair but true.

Be professional. That's it. Reputations are easily lost, IF you are a woman.

Er. You're not appalling for feeling an attraction. It's not controllable. What's controllable is whether you act on it or not. And you haven't. I think people who think it's a crime haven't ever felt it. It's nothing to do with logic or reason or knowing the other person. It's pheromones. I've had it with a guy on the train, a woman friend of a friend, a man who became my boyfriend but was actually gay, a man who's motorcycle I rode on the back of...am sure many others. Some resulting in getting together, some just a pleasant memory.
I'd write an erotic story about it, OP to get it out of my system and then reassure yourself that the sex might have had fireworks but afterwards he'd just be a standard man who farts and picks his nose and if you're happy in a relationship that is worth more than a brief bit of sex.

*whose.

And I think you know when it's one sided as opposed to lightening striking between the two of you. Again, people who don't get this probably haven't had it happen.

I couldn't stop leaning in, laughing and smiling.

Fluttering eyelashes, tinkly laugh, little girl voice.

Embarrassing and grim.

This all reads like one of those Jilly Cooper short story books that are now out of print for a reason.

That sort of "chemistry" is a massive red flag.

It's the kind of 'gravitational pull' that happens between a narcissist and a codependent people pleaser. Or an avoidant person and an anxious one. You complement each other's damage and toxicity. It feels powerful because it's triggering subconscious patterns.

It's not love. And as others have said, it's probably not even good sex.

Be grateful you never have to see him again.

I had this insane chemistry with a guy many years ago. We became FWB over a few years and eventually dated for a few months. Only when we dated did I realise that he was a bit of a narcissist and had a well practised technique of gazing into women's eyes to form a 'connection' and bed them. There was nothing going on upstairs and we had nothing at all in common. I very quickly got the ick once I knew the real him and that was that!

Yuck at the age gap and yuck at the potential cheating.

This is probably just a bloke who knows exactly how to get women to fall at his feet. I bet he was a complete player while he was young and now loves the attention he can still get when he turns it on.

Stick it in the fun fantasy box and realise it's absolutely nothing more than that.

I've had the same feelings for a colleague. Turns out, he wasn't all that. It's just lust.

Calm down, grow up and move on. You fancy each other, it’s not Romeo and Juliet ffs.

I'm imagining these creeps back in the office, "This tart over in Acme Metals, she's so hot for me, I could have her anytime I want, I only have to do a quick glance in her direction". Ugh.

It's that colleagues have noticed, that is the bad thing. I get that it can feel flattering but whilst you're preening, know that you're being judged and laughed at. It is not fair - absolutely it isn't, but men get kudos, women get judged and even if/when whatever this thing is, stops, that thing hangs over them like a stink.

In the office do nothing at all that will taint you. Nothing.

It sounds like you had a pretty intense experience, and it's totally understandable to feel overwhelmed. Attraction can be powerful and surprising, even when we’re happy in our relationships. The key thing is how you handle those feelings, and it sounds like you’ve already been really responsible about it.
It’s normal to feel a bit shaken up after something like this, but it’s also a good chance to think about what it means for you and your relationship.
To everyone else:
Some of these replies are way too harsh. It’s one thing to be honest, but let’s not tear someone down when they’re being vulnerable. Saying stuff like "you got horny on a weekend away" or accusing them of "fishing for plot lines" isn’t helpful at all.
Yes, it’s important to think about the consequences and be faithful, but we can say that without being mean. Let’s try to be more supportive and understanding. We all have moments where we need empathy, so let’s be kind.

Yuck? Really? That's the best you can come up with? And it's hardly a huge age gap either.

Op. You can't help how you felt. You didn't act on it so you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Sometimes we have these connections to people for no apparent reason and that dopamine hit is hard to come down from. Be kind to yourself. This meet was so short that the memory should fade in no time

Could we do away with the nauseating 'let's be kind' phrase? Most posters know fine well how to be kind and are. This thread isn't of somebody vulnerable. My thoughts to her and women in the same position are of self-preservation at work. Women are vulnerable in the workplace and throwing fuel on that fire is something to be avoided at all costs.

Same here, both single, insane chemistry. The only difference was that the sex was out of this world.

Turns out that all the great sex in the world doesn't compensate for being a bigoted prick.

This. That man poor man 😂

I hear your point about workplace dynamics and self-preservation, and those are important considerations.
However, dismissing calls for kindness and empathy as "nauseating" isn't helpful. It's crucial to have a supportive board where people can share openly without feeling attacked or belittled.
We can give practical advice without diminishing someone's feelings or resorting to harsh criticism.

😂🤣
not so sexy now huh? 😂

Are you ovulating?

Happened to me,sat at a small table in a small cafe,we were introduced by the owner, just chatted but I felt like I'd been hit by lightning. Left reeling for a few days , we met up.and the attraction was very mutual and strong, we were together for six years...if you haven't experienced it you don't understand it ..

Just out of interest, do you and this guy look similar? Or does he look similar to your father? My theory is that we’re most attracted to the familiar. The guys I’ve always been most attracted to and who have seemed most into me, we kind of resembled male/female versions of each other. That probably sounds weird 😂