An unpopular boundary your parent/s set that you thank them for now.

[Absolutelyfractious]

Been reading a few books lately about childhood memories and the concept of being grateful to parents/family for setting a limit, keeping a boundary, having them stick with something which actually as an adult they are now very grateful for.

I had very free range parenting myself, so I'm wondering if anyone has had anything they are glad their parents made them do!

Light-hearted or inspiration please.

*Should add parents, parent, family member/guardian.

I went to boarding school and I actually really value that we had set prep times, no distractions and all together, at least 1hr daily. I know I wasn't disciplined enough to do this for myself and it made me engage with each subject more than I would have done. I always felt like I was up to date too and try to make sure dd does similar now.

I also appreciate making my bed every morning which we had to do - sets me up for the day.

Edit to add I also had free range parenting on weekends so the difference was quite stark!

regular chores, not being helicoptered.

Well, I also had quite a free range parenting, only remember one boundary (which was no nail polish at 13yo) and literally no other. No set bedtime, no curfew, no nothing. In all fairness I was a very mature and calm child and teenager but I honestly wish I had some routine/rules/boundaries. I often felt like another adult in the family, which feels great when you are a kid but sucks when it comes to the consequences it has later in life.

So now that I have a 2.5yo I do try to start setting some boundaries and rules. Just so that he feels safe and that someone is "leading" and he can focus on just being a child.

My mum made me do a sport. I hated it, but she said I had to choose one and also cycle to school. Now I am so grateful that she did that because fitness is really important to me.

I didn't think mine were that strict but stuff like using cutlery properly and correct spelling appear to be considered excessive by some on here!

My parents were very free range but insisted on me going to a school I really didn't want to go to. But they were right, it turned out to be 100% the right school for me.

Same. DF was in the navy and was strict about manners, good behaviour when we visited him on board (often backed up hefty bribes, admittedly) politeness.

Also, he taught me to clean shoes in approved navy fashion.

DGF taught me one thing when I was about 13 - the importance of being open minded and willing to try stuff. he offered me a taste of what he was having for dinner and I turned my nose up at it. He said that if I'd tried it and didn't like it, fair enough, but it was silly to decide I didn't like it just because.

Good life advice for a lot of things.

DM taught me by a sort of anti-example - she was very good (or bad, depending on POV) at weaselling out of things she said she'd do and letting people down. So if I've said I'll do something for someone, I make sure I do it.

I wasn't allowed out in the evenings when I was at secondary school unless it was to a particular thing. We lived on a rough estate with lots of teenagers just aimlessly loitering the streets in the evenings which my mum wanted to avoid for me. I'm very grateful.

My parents were very hands off so I don't remember boundaries until I went to uni when they suddenly started threatening me financially if I didn't do what they wanted which was frankly bizarre and not something I would ever do.

I was also at boarding school and very glad of the discipline and structure that gave me, also regular meals around a table and polite conversation. Now I come to think of it home was pretty chaotic!

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain I've just had a memory of the school shoe bag we had to have with 3 different brushes and polishing cloth to do our indoor and outdoor shoes. I have to say I don't think I've done that in a few decades but I do think I would at least know how!

The opposite actually. I remember my parents so many times saying I would thank them for <unpopular boundary> when I was older; or would understand when I had children of my own.

I am now older and my own children are adults, and all I understand is that my parents may have come up with what they thought were good rules at the time but they were too rigid to them being changed or seeing an alternative point of view.

Always always always saying please and thank you. I’m glad as now my young kids say it too and it just feels nicer to always hear it. Can’t explain why?

Not allowed to stay over in anyone's house unless my parents knew their's,even at that I had to phone when I got there (before mobile phones so from their house phone)
When I was very young and out in the street playing I wasnt allowed into anyone's house without checking with my parents first. We had an open door and people always allowed in.

A curfew. A few of my friends were in bars at 15 going with older men- I was home by 10.30 they were only going to the bar then lol.

In older years if not coming home to send a text with who I was with and where. Mainly due to the taxi situation being so mad in our town we would be stuck in.someonew houses we could walk too at 18-22 when home from uni.

Having to go to school everyday.

My parents were very strict, I’m a 60’s child and went to boarding school 12-16.

my mother was very lovely and a really home bee, I was sent to school because I had brothers and was rather a tomboy so they felt a good old fashioned girls school was the thing. It was very strict catholic convent so you can imagine, there were only 200 girls so very small. You can imagine the rules in place there, and now I’m an adult I’m pleased they did. Time keeping, smart clean appearance when needed , lots of rubbish that’s now dated but still .

my parents were party loving strict 60’s parents think Margo on the good life !. Tasteful get togethers with wine and cheese children out of sight in bed.

no tv after 5pm and only after homework done, mum encouraged outdoor play and imagination play indoors so tv was considered unsuitable. In hindsight I think she was just trying to tire out 6 children 😂. Dinner was at 6pm, you eat what you were given, but she was a good if simple cook and we all were happy.

church on Sunday followed by Sunday school until I went to board, choir practice 2 afternoons a week and brownies / cubs for all of us one evening, the only evening we were allowed out after dinner.

i feel I had a good childhood, they didn’t believe in smacking unlike my friends parents, that didn’t mean we didn’t get a slipper on the backside occasionally, they believed that we should face up to our responsibilities and if we did wrong a slap didn’t teach us the consequences of our deeds. A valuable lesson and one I used with my children.

they also didn’t believe in child proofing a home, I didn’t do that with my children either. Things were broken and there was upset if it was valuable or sentimental, but seeing that made us aware of the value of things.

Table manners incl no phones or tv during meals.

No staying off school unless you were ill.

My parents were generally pretty strict tbh. One thing I am grateful for is the manners that my mum in particular instilled in us. Table manners and general politeness. Feel both have helped me and it's something I instilled in our kids.

Table manners, manners in general and eating at the table without TV. I also did LAMDA and elocution. Didn't enjoy it but I think it's actually important and my kids are doing the same. I'm the same with my kids.

I was pretty trusted in regard to going out as a teen but I was sensible and didn't really go out during the week.

Being well mannered at all times with no exceptions. I encounter rude people every single day in life, without fail, and I'm grateful that I know better than to treat other people badly.

Sitting at the table to eat meals, proper home cooked meals every day that if you didn't eat you didn't get anything else.
Living in the countryside and my parents refusing to drive me into town so i could wonder the streets with my friends in the evenings. As a child i resented them for it, as an adult I will be eternally grateful for being the country kid and not being able to wonder the streets and get mixed up with all the bad influences

My parents were fairly free-range (I'm early 40s) but they were always aghast at the idea of TVs in bedrooms and I'm grateful for that. They were also very keen on politeness. Weirdly we hardly ever sat at the table but ate a lot of our meals on trays in front of Corrie (which was ironic really given their opinion of TVs in bedrooms!)

We were a pretty middle-class bookish household so I don't know what the deal was with TV tray dinners really 😂

They also didn't spoil me in terms of presents, material things etc - I always had nice things for bdays and Christmas but they never went overboard. They explained the rationale of money not being endless/not being greedy/over-consumption etc, and I'm very grateful for it now (and do the same with my.own children).

And I never remember having fizzy drinks in the house - grateful for that too as I'm now just not really interested in them (and have no fillings 😁).

The importance of dental (and other) hygiene! I’m 40 and have never had a filling or any major work done.
Manners
Punctuality - so many people don’t can’t be punctual! I got my first job because I was pretty much the only person to show up to the interview on time 🤣

I can relate to that. Must have been unpopular as you probably wanted to hang out with the other teens, glad you are grateful of that now.

@Nanaboots sounds like a lovely, well structured childhood. Yes we use the same nonTV after 5 trick for tiring out children

@redskydarknight I think this is why my parent's were so free range (notoriously amongst my friends who used our house for all the naughty stuff), they'd come from super strict backgrounds.

I was made to watch the news everyday growing up. My parents told me it would mean I had a good idea of what was happening in the world. Now I always watch the news.

Manners here too, and "speaking properly". Proved to be an asset in the world of work.

Work ethic - if you want something go and work for it/earn it.

Saving/budgeting - if I spent my pocket money there was no more until next time, no exceptions, no advances (even though they were quite well off).