An unpopular boundary your parent/s set that you thank them for now.

[Absolutelyfractious]

Been reading a few books lately about childhood memories and the concept of being grateful to parents/family for setting a limit, keeping a boundary, having them stick with something which actually as an adult they are now very grateful for.

I had very free range parenting myself, so I'm wondering if anyone has had anything they are glad their parents made them do!

Light-hearted or inspiration please.

Interesting there's a lot about proper manners. I had that too, but it wasn't unpopular though as it seemed quite easy to do.

my mum was not a good person... but thats for a whole other thread. but she did teach me how to wire a plug, change a fuse, cook, clean, take care of a house. she also taught me about honesty

whats helicoptered

Church, very Catholic family and meant from a young age I learned to sit quietly through very long and boring things and be happy with my
own thoughts.

No helicoptering. If I fell out with a friend they wouldn’t have dreamed of ‘phoning their parents for a chat’. I learned to sort out my own problems. The mistakes have been invaluable.

My grandparents (who brought me up) were fastidious about timekeeping. I’m not a naturally organised person and they clamped down hard. If I was late home by more than 10 minutes without phoning I was grounded for a night. Every 10 mins after that was another night. It made me very aware of the time and that’s stood me in good stead since.

They also stuck to their guns. I once did something really stupid and unsafe with my best mate as a very young teen. My grandparents and her parents agreed together that we’d both be grounded for 6 weeks. My mate was out within a week. I was grounded for every minute of that 6 weeks. Going forward I knew that the consequences would be strict so I properly considered things before jumping in.

If you make a commitment you stick to it. I used to do a sport and was often away at weekends. I could choose how much I signed up for, but once I had said I’d do it I had to go. I do the same with my kids.
I’m amazed how many of their friends drop out of stuff, even team events because they just don’t feel like going

Brushing our teeth morning and night.

Honouring a commitment- if we wanted to do guides or play an instrument or had planned to meet a friend, that's what we did. Once I got over the ingrained people pleasing part that came as a side order, it has made it almost automatic for me to go to eg a gym class once I've signed up or not flake out of meeting a friend when I know I want to see them but I'm a bit tired. It means if I make a commitment it is one I am happy to make so honouring it isn't a negotiable.

Walking everywhere. They now have two cars and drive everywhere, but whenever I asked for a lift when I was a teenager the majority of the time I would be told I had two good legs and the bus stop wasn't far. I am quite happy to walk anywhere within a 2 mile radius really. Further if I'm just out for a wander.

Suppose these are more habits than boundaries really.

Me too. And panorama and nature programmes

Not allowing children to jump/ climb on furniture . So right!

Child of the 60's here too. Very hands-off parenting, but I knew my non-smoking parents would be devastated if I smoked, so I never did. One less thing for me to have to struggle to give up as I aged!

They were also very hot on manners and 'speaking properly' (ie, ironing out my very faint regional accent). Both of those things have stood me in good stead all my life.

My parents made us learn to swim, and do lifesaving classes, even though I complained every week. Love swimming now.

We had to learn a musical instrument and do a sport - could choose what exactly but one of each category, no wiggle room. I wasn’t brilliant at either but actually I didn’t mind most of what I did and I learnt that I didn’t have to be brilliant at everything, that working hard for me a long way even in things I wasn’t naturally gifted at, and got me used to failing. I really noticed a difference with my peers who hadn’t ever failed / been mediocre at things once I got to university.

DH grew up in a very similar family class / income wise but wasn’t encouraged to do anything outside of school and he really struggles if he’s not immediately good at something.

Always eating together in the evenings, "no books at the table" as it was considered rude to avoid conversation.

No TV in bedrooms.

Always had to write thank you letters.

They also had boundaries that I am not thankful for though!

Strict bed times and good manners.
I was allowed a lot of freedom, but I don't recognise some descriptions on MN of getting into dodgy situations. I lived in a very rough area. But I was taught to recognise risks and avoid them.

Perfect table manners
Always write thank you letters

The only one I can really think of is thrift - never spending more on something than you need to; walking half a mile down the beach at the seaside to the shop where the ice-creams were cheaper, that kind of thing.

Generally my parents were very strict and I was brought up with a fear of 'doing wrong' and learned that I could unintentionally do wrong and be punished - physically sometimes - even when I meant well. This has led to a lack of confidence in adult life, so I think I would have been better off with fewer boundaries. My sister reacted in the opposite way and went completely 'off the rails' when she hit her teens, so their strict parenting helped neither of us.

However, I am glad I was brought up not to spend recklessly and to avoid debt.

I think you're mixing up "boundaries" with "rules", OP.

Boundaries means knowing and respecting where you end and other people begin.

For me, the rule my parents had without even really thinking about it was no snacking between meals. Another rule was limited fizzy drinks - Christmas and Easter were the only days they were allowed, and we had Cidona, an Irish fizzy apple juice, never Coke, Fanta, etc.

Mine were only strict on two things: early bedtime and brushing teeth.

My teeth are much better than theirs ever were.

And I never have problems sleeping. I'm asleep within 5 mins of going to bed, sleep through, and wake up naturally in the morning at the same time every day.

My parents didn't really do very much in terms of "boundaries". They expected us to behave like decent human beings and we did, but I never saw their expectations as "boundaries" and I never had any sense that there would be consequences if we didn't do whatever we were supposed to do. We just grew up believing that we should do "the right thing".

I think the only really explicit boundaries that were ever talked about were a) don't be selfish and b) don't be mean.

That doesn't work for everyone. My parents were strict on bedtimes but I was just as much of an insomniac as a child as I am as an adult! I used to lie awake for hours and I hated the (then quite common) line in children's books "... and Jenny was asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow" because that never, ever happened to me and I badly wished it would.

Table manners and manners generally.
Speaking properly
Reading the main story in the newspaper to my Dad first thing in the morning.
Writing thank you letters
Eating and drinking in the street, (ice cream excepted) to this day I cant bare seeing people do this, especially children and toddlers

My long-gone DF was fanatical about table manners, but I’be been grateful to him for a long time now.

Looking after teeth.
Good shoes.
No going into debt.
Spend money on decent food - fruit and veg.

Social skills. Mortifying at the time as an early teen but my mother really hot on these and looking back she was so right to be and am grateful to her.

Not sure if this counts but my mum never wanted me to go in a car with newly qualified driving friends when I was 15/16. I remember being so annoyed particularly one night when I stayed at my friends and they all went out for a ride (I was obedient!!).

A few weeks later they got in a huge crash and one of my friends broke their back

1. Manners

1. no tvs in the bedroom

1. Always eating at the table and preferably as a family

1. Prioritising education

Were all key rules in our family and ones that I’ll carry on to my own children.