Been called to court, I can't go, what can I do?

[Nameynameynameynamechange]

Scotland, if it makes a difference.

I've been called as a witness. Sent back the paperwork saying I'll be unable to attend, they have refused.

I have a daughter with complex medical needs, she attends school very part time (an hour per day) but that's the only time she's ever away from me. The court date is in the summer holidays too so I can't even pop in while dd is at school.

There is absolutely nobody else that can be with her (she has seizures), I can't take her with me because they can be stress induced and I don't know if she would be allowed to anyway.

My understanding is that if I don't attend they will just come on the day and arrest me and make me attend.

I'm so bloody stressed.

If I withdraw my statement would it mean I don't have to go?

I don't know what do do.

Could you employ a nurse to be with your daughter? You could maybe start now and spend some time with the nurse and your daughter, to build a relationship before leaving the 2 of them together.

If there are teachers at the school that your DD has a good relationship with it might be worth asking them if they are available to help so you can attend court. Many teachers are glad to earn a little extra money over the holidays so might be willing to come and sit with DD. Perhaps the combination of paying a teacher to come to your house, plus a private nurse would cover the bases enough that you could pop out for a couple of hours.

Although it won't help for this time, would a seizure support dog be a good thing for future? It might help her independence if people didn't need to learn how to recognise her seizures as well as care for her other needs.

If she's 14 ages allowed to be at court though so could you take her with you. Do sone regular visits there so ur becomes familiar?

I don't any experience in this area bur thus is exactly the sort of thing I'd turn to a solicitor for. You're under threat of arrest, the court instructions put your daughter at serious risk of harm and you need someone who understands the law to advocate for you.

Find a localish solicitor, preferably one with experience of families & disability concerns, and have then write to the court.

im in England so appreciate this is as pointless and relevant as me saying “isn’t the grass green this time of year”
in a round about way I was a witness to a murder the courts and police were good when I had concerns. Nothing like yours and very different situation. did your police suggest any support from the cps to allow you to give your evidence?

my guess is his plea will depend on you turning up and the defence is banking on you not turning up due to your circumstances - I’ve assumed it’s a neighbour that knows you??

Good luck with this. Hope you get sorted.

Hello OP. This won’t help with court. It might not help at all but is it worth asking for help if you’ve got a local community Facebook page? The reason I ask is my sister stepped in to help family on her street as someone within that family has dementia. The family asked on Facebook if anyone could help as it was a family wedding and all formal sources of help were rejected.

My sister stepped in and did the wedding. She then started to help this family more regularly and via word of mouth she’s now working full time providing support and help to a wide range of families. So much work that she has had to turn down helping some. All families have found the same, no support available via the usual routes or massive waiting lists. She’s gone from working in the local co-op to this and absolutely loves it.

As I say this might not help at all.

And they wonder why people won’t get involved when there’s a crime! I’ve nothing helpful to add, but wanted to wish you well, OP.

Childcare wise have you looked at any local nursing agencies? They can provide support for children whose level of need is too great for an adult hoc childcare service. I'm afraid it would probably be really expensive but it may a possibility if you have no other choice. I also agree with the poster in relation to the social work involvement. There are waiting lists for early help sometimes but statutory social work assets and intervention has a set timescale to assess and look at providing services. I'm sure it can't be that different in Scotland then England.

This really doesn't seem as complex as you are making out op. If your daughter is as amazing and as intelligent you say then just talk to her about it. Make it part of her home education. Talk about domestic violence and women's rights. About how important it is that you go to court and do the right thing. And get in touch with a nursing agency and hire a nurse for 3-4 hours and invoice the court for the costs, you have the medical proof that she needs it. Take your daughter and the nurse with you to the court. Ask the clerk for help and support, they may well even give tours for the petite that are really nervous and want to better understand the court system.

You sound like you are doing an amazing job.

I do raise your daughter can't go IN the button if she is under 14 but your post is a bit ambiguous about her age. Sure can however wait outside. Or stay at home with the nurse

What would happen if you had ti have an operation and were being taken into hospital? You would have to sort something out. Apply the same measures to this.

Why did you give a witness statement if you knew you would never be able to attend Court?

It’s also crazy that you have not got any contingencies in place for anything that might happen in life. Surely if she has such complex needs you would have been entitled to some help/social worker?

I’m sure it would be healthier for you both that she had some interaction with other people - so that you can get a break and she can start to feel less dependant on you. As others have said, what happens if you get ill/need to go into hospital?

I know this wouldn’t help at all for the court case, but over the longer term would you not be better to move nearer to where you can get medical help and respite care?

You say you have no contact with family and no friends because you spend all your time with DD, so (from an outsiders perspective) it would seem a move could only be beneficial.

I'm sorry you are in this situation, I hope you can get it sorted. Just as a heads up, my DC was a witness (also in Scotland) a few years ago and the court date was changed several times (once when they were actually on a train to the court!). So if you do manage to arrange something, it might need to be flexible to accommodate this possibility.

Ok, being arrested in the last resort - but this is an option

If you were arrested then the police would force social services to attend to your child as she can't be left. In England they would call the duty social worker and they'd go out.

Thanks everyone.

We moved where we are some years back, away from her dad/my family. In a nutshell there was a lot of harrassment and so we are safer where we are, despite the difficulties it brings. Moving back isn't an option, and dd loves it where we are, much quieter, the college that she will attend is amazing. I was able to work then so had funds as well, unfortunately dd has deteriorated over time so I'm unable to work now, so financially Moving won't be feasible either.

She will be able to apply for a seizure dog when she is 16, and we will be doing that, I'm hoping that she will get one before she starts college.

I'll contact SW/the council on Monday and see if the funding can be used for nursing care. That would be ideal. There were no nursing agencies on the list of approved carers, but its worth an ask.

Dd does absolutely understand about DA and this situation (the police have been over a few times and so it's all been explained) but her understanding the situation won't help with her seizures or anxiety/panic attacks (that have started because of the seizures) unfortunately.

I gave a statement because the victim has suffered for years, she needed support, and I assumed that I would be able to attend via video link.

I know it sounds like a crazy situation, dd is entitled to a lot of help, she should have a SW, she should have respite care, but there is just none to be had, I tried so hard, and eventually we fell into a routine and things are going fine so I stopped pushing, it was exhausting getting nowhere. The funding is there, the people are not.

I'm not on social media at all (due to situation with dds dad mainly) but maybe there's a way I can sign up anonymously and ask around.

We do get out and about and speak to people, we aren't stuck in 24/7, its so beautiful where we are, so many lovely quiet spaces that dd loves. I know it probably sounds quite miserable, but I chat away on MN for social interaction, and between that all of my time is taken up with dd really.

Life will change when we get the right combination of meds for her, it's just a waiting game until then. I have every faith that she will thrive when her seizures are under control, her anxiety levels will go down too.

I'm going to call on Monday anyway and speak to someone about this, the more I think about them just resending the childcare forms the more I think it's just an automatic response from someone who hasn't read the forms properly.

Thanks again for the advice and support. I appreciate it.

@Nameynameynameynamechange sadly sound totally believable and very stressful.

Hopefully - it is just some one giving first automatic response back to first lot of information and when you find right person they can do more to offer some useful support. If not do try the MSP and local Councillors they may at least be able to offer some support and help you advocate with services.

This might be a stupid idea but any friends of a friend who are paramedics, a&e staff etc?
I have a couple of friends who are advanced paramedics who would help for a day as a one off

Autism doesn't work like that. Her intelligence and ability to understand that things are necessary has no bearing whatsoever on her ability to cope (or not) with something.

Another person I'd reach out to, @Nameynameynameynamechange , is your local MP and councillors...

I know they're campaigning but good ones are still helping constituents - other MPs might be more helpful because they're mid-campaign (#thisoldcynic)

Councillors can also do a lot to help and can be more effective than the MP because there are more of them and they're less in demand.

There are no local MPs until after the election.

She in Scotland so should have MSP option still available as local Councillors - and if it drags out till after election a MP again.

Just a thought as you said that the court date was in the summer holidays. Can you ask for help from one of her TA's or someone she's familiar with at school? I have a friend who's a special needs TA and she sometimes helps families from her school out with childcare/emergencies outside of school hours.