Been called to court, I can't go, what can I do?

[Nameynameynameynamechange]

Scotland, if it makes a difference.

I've been called as a witness. Sent back the paperwork saying I'll be unable to attend, they have refused.

I have a daughter with complex medical needs, she attends school very part time (an hour per day) but that's the only time she's ever away from me. The court date is in the summer holidays too so I can't even pop in while dd is at school.

There is absolutely nobody else that can be with her (she has seizures), I can't take her with me because they can be stress induced and I don't know if she would be allowed to anyway.

My understanding is that if I don't attend they will just come on the day and arrest me and make me attend.

I'm so bloody stressed.

If I withdraw my statement would it mean I don't have to go?

I don't know what do do.

Are there any charitable organisations or support groups for people with her conditions that you could contact for help in this?

It's my understanding that for abuse cases they need 2 lots of evidence, the victim is 1, and I'm 2, if I'm not able to give evidence then it's just the victims word and so it probably will be thrown out. If there's any way humanly possible that I can help then I will.

Taking dd would be tricky, she needs someone with her at all times, sometimes her seizures are ones where she falls down, sometimes she looks like she's starting into space, other times it looks like a tourettes attack, the latter ones increase so much when she is stressed, which she would be with a stranger watching her in a room in court while I'm giving evidence, she can shout, scream, tic so badly she hurts herself and the after effects can last for days. It might work if I can take her and sit in the room with her and do a video link from a back room at the court into the court room. Reading the link upthread though, I don't think she would be allowed as she's 14.

I've never done anything like this before so not sure about any of the process, the people, the paperwork, who to talk to or anything else.

I'm just scared that if they refuse, and I physically cannot leave dd and go and they come and arrest me, wtf am I supposed to do about dd? I mean, knowing what I know about SS and emergencies around here they would take 4/5 hours to get here to put her into care for a day, meantime dd needs watching, needs her meds, needs her routine. She's 14 so would they leave her alone until SS arrived.

The repercussions of her being that stressed and seizing would go on for months and months, plus the stress of seeing her mum arrested.

@Nameynameynameynamechange would it be worth you phoning round the local private nursing agencies to see if any of them have any locum nurses who have experience in caring for people with complex needs? It might be worth doing this to ensure you have cover in case of emergency. Also, are you registered with your GP surgery as a carer?
Hope you manage to get something sorted out as it must be really stressful for you 💐

Court aside looking at her long term future have you considered the stability of a residential school placement for her (if any exist!) to help prepare her (and you) for adulthood?

That's right OP. In Scotland you need corroboration to prove a charge which is why the PF will be unlikely to excuse you.

Say all of this in the you email to the PF. Particularly the part about your daughter attending with you. You may also want to try and get what's called a soul and conscious letter from your daughter's doctor if they are able to state that she can't be left with anyone other than you.

If a warrant is taken (it's not a given!) I think it would be unlikely that the police will actually arrest you if you fail to appear particularly if you email the PF now and tell them your circumstances and provide evidence of them, but it is a possibility you need to be aware of. It's more likely that you would be told to attend court to answer the warrant on a specific day and time first where you'd be given bail conditions to attend the trial at the next hearing.

And lie? What if the OPs witness statement is what puts someone away for a horrible crime, hypothetically.

I'm sure if you were trying to get justice or whatever else, you wouldn't be happy for someone to effectively turn a blind eye.

OP what have you got in place if you fell ill, had to go to hospital etc?

Because you need a back up plan. If you fell ill or something.

I know I probably should have some back up.

It's just really difficult to get any, the only people I see are delivery drivers.

Having an ad hoc babysitter would be difficult as it would take so much to get used to dd and her needs, and I really have no need for a babysitter usually so it would be pointless taking months to train someone just on the off chance I get called to court again.

There are organisations, but they are all 4 hours away (I really do live in the middle of nowhere) I am registered as a carer for her too.

I'm not considering a residential school for her, however after the summer she is going to start going to college for 2 x 45 min sessions per week. Next year this will hopefully increase to 4 or even 5 sessions per week, and the plan is for her to attend at 16 (they have a life skills course and a business they run alongside it for kids like dd to get experience in employment) I'm hoping in 2 years time we will have found the right combination of medication for her and she will thrive in the life skills course. That year would also give her the qualifications to do something else at college if she chooses to (dependent on getting the right medication). So I do have a plan in place for her moving forward. Just a lot rests on getting the right medication. If her seizures reduce or stop then everything else is easier to access help with.

Thanks for all the help everyone, I know I'm rambling on but I've just never been in this position before, the court thing is scary enough without the whole situation with dd as well.

I have no back up unfortunately.

There is no one, just me.

As it’s election time no point in contacting an MP /SMP ( think that’s correct, sorry if not) but maybe a local councillor might be able to get the Court’s attention for you. I think you’re right, someone has glanced at your letter and paperwork and thought “ it’s a child who takes medication, lots do 🤷‍♀️” and not read properly.
As @Bonbon21 says, contact everyone you can think of to speak to them about your DDs health.

MSPs are not up for election just now.

OP I'd really urge you to contact either your constituency MSP or one off the regional list.

They can help to move things along with social work snd navigate the court system.

You can get contact details from the Scottish parliament website.

If the constituency MSP isn't any good then go to the list ones.

How can you live in the middle of nowhere when you said earlier you live 20 minutes from the court building?

I assume you get dla for your 14yo? Could you spend some of it to pay a local TA/teacher/carer to spend a few hours per week with you every week. With the aim of getting your dd used to that person, whilst you also train the person with regards to her specific needs?

I don't mean there's no houses/people/schools/colleges and things, it's just pretty much any kind of resource I need for dd is miles away.

If she didn't have the needs she does then it would be great here, just the medical support she needs, any kind of accessible respite or charity are all in the big city about 150 miles away so we have to travel there fairly regularly (although thankfully dds consultant does video appointments too so not as often as we used to).

In a lot of respects I am in the middle of nowhere. My area is the largest in this region, but it's still not that big a place and you need to travel for a huge amount of things.

If I could give my location you would understand what I mean.

Have you contacted Witness Support. This is their area.

I do get DLA, and could definitely divert some of it towards care.

There is also money available for respite, I've been offered it, but I have to source the respite, which is impossible. Many parents around here are in the same boat. The funding is there, but the carers aren't.

@Nameynameynameynamechange - would your dd’s doctor give you a letter stating that you cannot leave her, to attend court?

The only other option I can see is hiring a trained carer - I know your dd wouldn’t know her, but if the court are adamant that you have to go, it might be the least worst option.

But I am so sorry that you are being put in this position.

I'm not expert but in your position I would be searching high and low for childcare even if it's not possible. You might well not find any, but you'd still be building evidence of having tried everything. Communicate her needs and location to agencies, talk to her TAs, even if you think they won't be able to do it, and collate the replies. If someone says yes and you think they are not up to it, document why.

As a bonus it's just possible you will find someone who can offer respite. But if not, it would still be evidence backing up your argument that she is not leave-able.

Hi op I'm a disability social worker, in my la (big and semi rural so not near lots of top facilities!) we have to assess as soon as a referral comes in on a 40 day turn around which everyone is very strict about. We wouldnt have a waiting list we assess and if you are elegible you are allocated and s.w. would be a wait for services but not always ages. I would have thought this was national (guidance) but I would push for an assessment. We can and do do emergency care for things like this.

No advice. But you're amazing.
I'll keep my fingers crossed, the phone on Monday will get you good news

Also age wise I wouldn't be out off by timing out we keep young people till 18 and have lots come in In there teens..granted am in England so not totally sure on Scottish system

I have all the letters about her diagnosis, plan, medication, her DLA, my carer letter, and I've emailed her consultant so hopefully get another letter, I'll also ask the GP as well, it can't hurt to have more.

She doesn't have anyone in school currently, she needs to be in school full time for that to be possible, but I can't put her in full time unless she has someone so it's a real catch 22. I have to be near the school when she is in because they don't have the training for her needs, and they can't get the funding for training unless dd is in full time. So essentially I have to put dd at risk for a couple of months at least for the school to be able to access the funding for me to comfortably send her there. Its a real nightmare.

When I was offered funding for respite the council gave me a list of places/people to try, and they all said dd was too complex for them. I guess I could try again. its pretty frustrating having the potential for a few hours respite per week and no way to use it. Many parents here are in the same boat.

I may have caused myself some issues however, I fought for so long to try and get something, anything, in place for dd, hours and hours per week, all while caring for her 24/7 and with each knockback I tried a little less. Now we have our routine, and have adapted to not really need anyone else, because we are so used to knockbacks. Maybe I should have carried on fighting, but I was just exhausted.

Thank you.

I do know that we are really struggling for disability social workers here, I believe there are only 2 and one is off, so the whole workload falls on one person.

I know of many families here with kids older than dd who have never seen or spoken to a SW despite being referred years ago.

I'll try and contact them again on Monday and see if they are able to help out at all, fingers crossed for a miracle.

I'll have to find the letter I got about funding for respite actually, I have a feeling that may have been from the SW department now I'm thinking about it. Although DD has never seen a SW.

Not blaming the SW at all, you guys do a difficult job under horrendous circumstances with next to no funding, but you're literally changing the lives of the families you're able to help 💐

Have you tried writing to you MP to explain the situation? That can often get things resolved

OP I wonder whether it would be better to look for nursing care for respite? It sounds like DD may be too at risk with the normal sort of respite care available and maybe a professional nurse would be better ? Locum or temps are available and so that mat be worth looking in to? Even if it was just that they had a nurse with you in the court house on the day who may be better able to spot signs of a seizure ?