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Original poster

Dd does not photo shown at school

92 replies

Ds8and9 · 19/06/2024 07:43

Dd has a presentation assembly going on at school that parents are invited to. Their photos go on the large screen in the hall. DD and her friends said they don't want their photos up. But the teacher said she's not taking them down as it's taken her ages to sort out . DD is now saying she does not want to go. Dd is not normally bothered about this sort of thing so I'm not sure if she's just going along with friends.

It's tomorrow and she's now saying she feels ill . This evening she will say she feels more ill in-between this she will forget that she's ill be her normal self . Then she will be ill again. She does this when she wants to bunk.

Anyway just wondering people's opinions on this situation

OP posts:
Barefootsally · 19/06/2024 07:47

Unless the school have written notice off you that you don’t her photo up then it’s going to go up. I imagine the teacher is irritated the group of girls is dictating what goes on her presentation.

But yeah I’d be sending her in as it will only get worse if you buckle on this

runningonberocca · 19/06/2024 07:53

Imagine going to work and seeing your photo up on a big display screen. I’d feel very self conscious and upset about that - especially if I’d said specifically I did not want to be included. I can only imagine how much worse it would be at your daughters age. Show her you have her back and write to the school saying you do not give permission for her photo to be displayed

Original poster
Ds8and9 · 19/06/2024 07:53

I was thinking this to. When they go on together in their girl group . It does not look great

OP posts:

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LIZS · 19/06/2024 07:54

How old is she? Why is it such a big deal?

Original poster
Ds8and9 · 19/06/2024 07:58

runningonberocca · 19/06/2024 07:53

Imagine going to work and seeing your photo up on a big display screen. I’d feel very self conscious and upset about that - especially if I’d said specifically I did not want to be included. I can only imagine how much worse it would be at your daughters age. Show her you have her back and write to the school saying you do not give permission for her photo to be displayed

I will have a chat with her . I want to be sure she's not just going along with her friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ds8and9 · 19/06/2024 07:58

LIZS · 19/06/2024 07:54

How old is she? Why is it such a big deal?

Shes 13

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 19/06/2024 08:00

Does she need to go up to the front and be presented with something physically?

If she does ask her how her photo and her real self differ.

This is a difficult age and they do start to rebel against things "just because". They often thinks it makes them sound grown up.

Usually discussing with them why they feel that way and working with them helps.

Original poster
Ds8and9 · 19/06/2024 08:03

itsgettingweird · 19/06/2024 08:00

Does she need to go up to the front and be presented with something physically?

If she does ask her how her photo and her real self differ.

This is a difficult age and they do start to rebel against things "just because". They often thinks it makes them sound grown up.

Usually discussing with them why they feel that way and working with them helps.

Yes she will be going up. And yes I think your right ' just because ' is a good way of explaining it. I do think that's what it is.

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 19/06/2024 08:09

When did she first know the photos would be going up and when did she first object? Who selected the photo? I can imagine if a photo was selected and approved a while back and they are only now objecting the member of staff will be understandably cross.

zzplex · 19/06/2024 08:09

ask her how her photo and her real self differ.

Do not ask her this is she's self-conscious about photos of herself - if she thinks she looks hideous in photos then telling her she looks the same in real life will just confirm that she is indeed hideous.

Is she self-conscious about photos? Or happily taking selfies and throwing herself in front of cameras for photos?

TemuSpecialBuy · 19/06/2024 08:13

Maybe its my nordic roots but honestly....

I just wouldnt be pandering to this nonsense.

You dont have to like and agree with everything. Sometimes in life things happen you dont like and you have to deal with it

I'd explain she is not that unique or "special", even if she doesnt like the picture, no one cares except her and sometimes in life you just do things you dont want to do.

CheeseWisely · 19/06/2024 08:19

Imagine going to work and seeing your photo up on a big display screen

Fairly routine at my work, if I'm giving a presentation. It's also on the company website, and goes out in some emails. Couldn't care less.

If you suspect it's just being part of the peer group and rebelling for the sake of rebelling OP, I'd push back and explain that nobody else will care about the photo, and it will be forgotten this time tomorrow.

Spinet · 19/06/2024 08:20

Don't explain to your kid that she is not unique or special.

I think you can be sympathetic without actually giving way and let her deal with this at school herself. If you don't think it's properly upsetting her for some deep seated reason and it's just normal teenage cussedness, just say 'yes it is sometimes difficult to see photos of yourself, poor you' etc. Don't offer any advice or let her skive off and see what happens.

TheOccupier · 19/06/2024 08:20

Can't believe you are entertaining this nonsense for one second! Send her to school.

midgetastic · 19/06/2024 08:21

At our work a photo is taken of us and belongs to the company

It's original purpose was passcards but you can't ask that it's not used

Butterflyfern · 19/06/2024 08:25

runningonberocca · 19/06/2024 07:53

Imagine going to work and seeing your photo up on a big display screen. I’d feel very self conscious and upset about that - especially if I’d said specifically I did not want to be included. I can only imagine how much worse it would be at your daughters age. Show her you have her back and write to the school saying you do not give permission for her photo to be displayed

Completely normal at my work. We even have a monthly presentation sent around for management to present with news etc but also a slide celebrating successes. And yes gasp with photos. It's nice to celebrate and recognise people's hard work.

At 13, this is probably coming from a lack of self esteem about her looks. Try to concentrate on that and not this event as a distraction. Is she also embarrassed about being good at something academic because it's "not cool"?

Spinet · 19/06/2024 08:26

Saying 'I'm confident you have the skills to manage this one way or another' and that sort of thing works quite well as well as it's quite a bolstering way of saying 'just get on with it'. I don't mean to be horrible but this is kind of not your problem. She can fake illness so she likes, she's going to school!

VenusClapTrap · 19/06/2024 08:28

I’m in the ‘not pandering to nonsense’ club. Send her in and tell her that sometimes you just have to get on with it. It’s just a photo, and it doesn’t sound like she’ll be the only one to have her photo displayed, so the focus won’t just be on her. She’s being a dramalama.

FloofyBird · 19/06/2024 08:30

At 13 she has the choice over what happens with her data and if she doesn't want it shared she has the right to withdraw consent from school to use her photo in anything.

IncognitoUsername · 19/06/2024 08:31

It will be on the screen for a few moments and everyone will only be looking for photos of their own child. As you feel that she is just joining in with friends, I’d send her in.

Singleandproud · 19/06/2024 08:31

I'd point out that if every single other group has their photo up it would bring more attention to her to not have it up.

I wouldn't be pandering to this at all. People at school know what she looks like.

Feeling ill / being nervous is all par for the course and sometimes you just have to get through it.

IncognitoUsername · 19/06/2024 08:32

FloofyBird · 19/06/2024 08:30

At 13 she has the choice over what happens with her data and if she doesn't want it shared she has the right to withdraw consent from school to use her photo in anything.

Parents would probably have signed a form giving permission when she started at the school.

Singleandproud · 19/06/2024 08:33

Presumably the photo belongs to the school as they own the picture and consent was given at the time.

usernother · 19/06/2024 08:33

TemuSpecialBuy · 19/06/2024 08:13

Maybe its my nordic roots but honestly....

I just wouldnt be pandering to this nonsense.

You dont have to like and agree with everything. Sometimes in life things happen you dont like and you have to deal with it

I'd explain she is not that unique or "special", even if she doesnt like the picture, no one cares except her and sometimes in life you just do things you dont want to do.

I agree.

ASighMadeOfStone · 19/06/2024 08:36

She's nervous about doing a presentation in front of an audience.

Yep. So is everyone else.

@Ds8and9 explains that she has form for faking illnesses when she wants to bunk off.

The time for her and her friends to ask the teacher if it was really necessary to use their photos in the presentation was when the teacher told them about it.

It's obviously supposed to be a nice thing. Parents are coming to see their kids doing a nice thing and the teacher has spent time arranging the nice thing.

She's a little old at 13 for infantile strops and planning to bunk off because she's decided she's too cool to do the same as everyone else.