Dd does not photo shown at school

[Ds8and9]

Dd has a presentation assembly going on at school that parents are invited to. Their photos go on the large screen in the hall. DD and her friends said they don't want their photos up. But the teacher said she's not taking them down as it's taken her ages to sort out . DD is now saying she does not want to go. Dd is not normally bothered about this sort of thing so I'm not sure if she's just going along with friends.

It's tomorrow and she's now saying she feels ill . This evening she will say she feels more ill in-between this she will forget that she's ill be her normal self . Then she will be ill again. She does this when she wants to bunk.

Anyway just wondering people's opinions on this situation

It takes 30 seconds.

l did it all the time. Doubtful there’s a hi feed slides for a presentation like that. More like 30.

Yes, I agree but also you have to teach them not to go along with the crowd which is something that the OP believes could be the reason for her DD’s decision and also you need to bring them up to have some confidence in themselves.

Nobody wants their daughter to become one of those women who hates having their photo taken because they think they look fat or ugly or whatever it is.

The school has to follow parental consent for use of a child’s image. It’s not a competition to see who has the best reason for the school not using the kids image. It’s hardly a lot of work to delete a photo. If my kids school used my kids image against my consent (I have signed for the images to not be used) because they refused to remove it, despite my signed do not use, I would take them to court and win with the teacher being sacked. It’s that simple.

If you have signed to give consent @Ds8and9 then I think you have to allow it this time. However, if DD actually feels strongly about it then you can withdraw consent for the future. That’s absolutely your right. But explain to her that this will mean she is not on photos on X or whatever platform school uses when they are on a school trip with all their friends and not able to have their own phone. (Can you tell that this is a real scenario that did happen?!)

I hated my photo at 13.

l was a model at 19, looked amazing in photos.

Now l hate them again.

Decisions at 13 are not for life.

Thanks for being a teacher that actually shows some care for their pupils.I was reading all the unsympathetic replies and feeling quite upset by the lack of understanding of the child's point of view.

I am decades older than the OP's daughter and still avoid being photographed at all costs. Wild horses wouldn't have got me on that stage with my photo on display. I realise that everyone is different and it isn't a big deal for most people but for others it can seriously damage their confidence.

It is not as simple as "getting over it" for people who are not NT and even though this doesn't seem to be the issue in this case I would have expected a teacher not to force someone to do something that they aren't comfortable with.

My DS once had his face on the side of all the local buses. At least he got paid. And it taught him to read the small print.....

It is completely normal for people presenting at work, conferences etc to see their photo on a display screen. Plus, with today's hybrid working, people do meetings on screen and their face is right there the whole time.

It would be a lot more useful for the OP to get her daughter used to this sort of thing than to pander to it. It sounds from what the OP has said that it's just one of those things where a couple of girls have kicked off about it and now all the others are following suit.

People at work aren’t 13 and full of teenage angst though.

At 13 I would have rather died than having to go up to the front as well as having an enlarged picture displayed for so many people to see.

As an adult it doesn't bother me as much, but I would not consent to having my picture on a website or on a presentation (that has to do with deep fakes, which does not apply here.)

OP, in your daughter's shoes at that age I would have pretended to go to school that day, but not actually set foot in the building. I would also no longer have told my mom anything about such issues but take care of them myself and just lied about it.

Each year in September my school (and I'm pretty sure this is at least England wide) would have sent out a photo consent form,

You would have had the option to refuse consent for any photos, give consent for photos but only for internal use within the school or give consent for all photos.

Which did you do?

If you refused consent for all photos then you should contact the school asap as they do not have consent.

If you gave consent I am not sure what the situation is on how quickly you can revoke it and what the timescales are. Probably worth speaking to the school either way.

Seems like your child likes to bunk - so makes up things and issues to bunk more often.

You can revoke consent at any time though, under gdpr. Although a bit pointless if she is appearing in person and will have her name read out anyway.

But she’s not doing a work presentation- she’s a teenager going to school. Yes - sometimes we do have to do things we don’t like whilst in paid employment but even then - lots of people don’t have cameras on in meetings. If someone in my workplace said that it was making them anxious and distressed then accommodations would be made. One of the reasons children and young peoples mental health is so poor nowadays is the pressure for perfection and the focus on photos on Insta etc. And now this is being perpetuated by the school !!!
I’m a 50 yr old professional, no history of anxiety or depression. I’m fairly confident and sociable day to day. But seeing myself on camera makes me feel absolutely shit. I avoid photos and don’t post pics of myself. I find it appalling that this is being enforced on young people at such s sensitive age.
We tell kids all the time that their body is their own, don’t let a boy pressure you for pics, teach them to be firm with their boundaries and yet this sort of thing just rides roughshod over all of that - just because a teacher says so!!

I have huge respect for teachers and I am happy to see there are more understanding ones on this thread

I think it was a bad choice from the teacher.
Most teenagers feel self conscious at that age, boys or girls.
And the teacher was extremely dismissive of the girls worries.

I’m usually very much saying ‘you go to school’ unless properly ill.
But in this case, if she feels really uneasy, I let her go.

After all, she is the one missing out of receiving an award (assuming she is) and the warm feelings coming with that.

Nobody wants their daughter to become one of those women who hates having their photo taken because they think they look fat or ugly or whatever it is.

We obviously dont have the same aim when parenting children.
Whether my dcs would grow into adults that like or not been taken in photos has always been the least of my issues. Actually I dont think it even crossed my mind ever.
I was more concerned to raise children that would be kind and caring, one that would be have to take responsibility for their life and with good MH. But 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

fwiw though, I doubt that having your photo projected on a big screen when you don’t feel self confident is going to help ANYONE to feel fat or ugly and to enjoy having photographs of them taken.
If anything, it’s likely to have the opposite effect!!

Yes I would have done. But there's a difference between age 11 and coming up 14. Dd would feel different compared to when she was 11. Also just My general thoughts I don't think signing something to say photos can be used should not mean for the whole of her secondary education.

I do think there's a difference though. I would be happy to be somewhere and my name mentioned. But I would hate for a big photo of me plastered on a massive wall .

@Ds8and9

In my school (not sure if this is England wide) the photo consent form is done each year.

I suspect if you email the school they will sort it. This kind of thing is quite common.

I have only ever done one for year 7. Pretty sure anyway.

Does she use social media? If not, fair comment and ok, and there would be strong reminders about staying off it as well until she is an adult, if she uses social media she would be told to get on with it and pack in the drama.

DD went through this stage in Y9 and I ignored her when she asked me to withdraw consent for photos. This meant that when a photo of her was used for a huge picture (2m square) to be hung in their new science block, she couldn't do anything about it.

I firmly believe that photo contributed to her slide into Anorexia In Y10. It certainly wasn't the only factor, but the piss taking etc helped her down that path. In person she was ok, she wouldn't have had a problem in real life (ie getting a presentation) but photos force her to look at herself, and she hated what she saw.

I seem to be going against the grain, but I would contact the school and say they do not have the consent of my child or myself. I think autonomy and consent is extremely important for teenagers. Even though I think it is not a big deal, if my child did, I would object.

They have no right to take photos of her and use them without her consent.

Oh dear 🎻Tis not fair.