Rather embarrassing ... I am in my early 60s and still afraid of sleeping in the house by myself... How do I overcome this?

[loveyouradvice]

Yes... literally that... and I hesitated before typing it.

Its totally illogical but when Im in the house with the dog and DH or DC, I'm relaxed and as happy as anything after dark, just pottering around before bed and going peacefully to sleep.

When alone (and without dog, as at the moment), I hear rustling and creaking floorboards and my imagination is full of strange men in the dark with knives or a desire to hurt me hovering at the edge of my consciousness.... I feel tense and nervous, and have to shut all the doors and leave all the lights on outside the bedroom, and take ages to get to sleep

So ... what would you do? I've 3 nights alone now and I WANT TO CONQUER THIS.

I am LONGING to go to bed as blasély and easily as I do when there are others around... Same house, same me... Hmmm

Having never lived alone before I found myself at 40 having to move into my own flat and was exactly the same - I slept on the sofa with the lights on for the first week. Eventually I got used to if and I agree with other posters that say you just have to keep forcing yourself to do it. I used to sleep with a baseball bat but then realised I would never actually have the bottle to use it so I bought, from Amazon, a mini can of self defence spray which cost about £7. That lives on my bedside table and the idea is if anyone got in one spray of that to the face renders them blind for a short period of time. That felt like something I could do. That then let me relax a bit more and 2 years on I don’t give it a second thought. You’re not alone OP so many women feel like this and it’s understandable but you can get used to it I promise!

My husband used to work away a lot and I wasn't bothered in the rest of the house but I used to sleep like a log (pre-menopause) and was scared of someone breaking in and my not hearing them, so struggled to go to sleep. I got a door wedge and stuck that under the door every night and it let me go to sleep without worrying about it. Now, as I'm older I would look at getting an alarm system, and probably a bolt on the bedroom door.

I'm nearly 60 and the same x

I have actively taken the decision to not worry. I had to live alone for a period and decided that I could ruin my life worrying about something that most probably will never happen, or worry about it when it does. my change of mind set really helped.

I now find it weird when my DH is away but remind myself of that decision… and switch on the alarm downstairs!

This is great advice that I shall take

I think a lot of people feel like this but often don't admit it in real life.

I feel like this sometimes if I'm on my own and my trick is to put a door stop underneath my bedroom door so that psychologically I feel much safer so that if anyone were to try they would have to make an almighty noise in the process.

Daft but helps me fall asleep quicker.

I don't like it either. I'm in my late 40s. I quite like being on my own during the day, hate it at night.

I was scared of the dark until I had kids. The relentless exhaustion of night feeds left no room to be scared of serial killers and Ring Wraiths hiding behind the curtains. However, I still scare really easily so I try to set myself up for a comfortable night on my own. I lock up early, leave the lights off so I can see out of the windows and settle into bed with a nice book rather than staying up late on the sofa.

I used to be like this, and I found putting a wedge under the bedroom door helped. Also when I had a cat I used to just write off any noise as 'it's just the cat', however unlikely the noise!

It doesn't bother me now but I think that's because I live in a flat and am conscious that there are other people around if I need help. The other thing is that I really relish time alone - being able to do whatever I want, watch whatever I want, have crackers and cheese for dinner if I want - so could you maybe look upon it as a few days of freedom and try to relish the solitude?

I have this and I think you have to own your own house.

If you feel safe when someone else is there, you're probably not talking about logical fear.

So you need to overcome it - walk into every room, don't barricade yourself into any room you might want to leave because it will just make you anxious about leaving it later e.g.if you need a wee. Remind yourself why you live there. Don't turn on lights where you wouldn't usually - if there were an intruder you'd just be making their life easier anyway.

Could you lay booby-traps - Home Alone style? 😁

@loveyouradvice I had this anxiety and it was getting out of hand so I did hypnotherapy. It helped a lot personally.

I was the same until my husband had to go away for work for three months - took a while but I just had to get used to it basically.
he works nights sometimes now, I lock up very early so I know it’s done and like to listen to podcasts so I dont imagine noises!

I'm feeling good so far....I've just had a beautiful rose-scented bath (a real treat).... Tonight is the first of three or four alone and my goal is to be revelling in the joy of my house in the dark by the time DH gets home...

Changing my mindset @Roadaheadclear seems to be working so far!!

I'll report back tomorrow... I'm taking small steps so I've left lots of lights on and I'm going to be curious throughout my journey towards feeling liberated and embrace every stage, whether fearful or joyful...

A knife would be no use on a zombie though 🧟

I'm 43 and have this! If my husband is away I have to check every single window and door is locked. Then clear every room including under beds and in wardrobes. I close each door as I go then when the whole house is checked and closed up I barricade myself in my room and put something up against the door which would fall over if someone opened it. Absolutely ridiculous 🤣

I'm exactly the same

on a few occasions when I’ve been home alone at night I’ve stacked tins by the front and back door so that if the doors were opened the stack of tins being knocked over would wake me up and I’d then have time to call 999 / get out of the house through the bedroom window onto the flat roof - extreme I know!

I live alone and am fine. However when I go back to my parents place I feel really lonely if I am on my own. I don’t expect company in my home but do in a family home.

I’m 59 and I don’t really like it…..I lock the innder porch door which we never do normally and make sure all blinds are closed downstairs ( we don’t bother with kitchen blinds normally) …I leave a lamp light on in back lounge….I double padlock the back gate…..I take the dog to bed with me….I did 3 nights on my own I. April when partner was away…by 3 rd night I was less bothered

I don't have this at the moment, and I lived alone until I was 33. But it was always in terraced houses or flats. Now we're about to move to a detached rural property and I'm going to be terrified at night in the dark if I'm on my own. Ill love it during the day but the thought of having to do the night dog walks and then lock up in the dark are giving me palpitations.

A Prayer

Lock for your bedroom door.
Lock up in daylight as others have said.
All night light for landing .
Radio on low for company.
Maybe headphones and a good audio book and as previous poster said practice.

Just do it OP.

dont be like my MiL. She is like you. And the my FIL died and now she lives with us because she is too scared to live by herself. Urghhhh… so much drama and crying and begging to live with us just because she is scared. Dont let you become burden someday for your children just because silly excuses. If my MIL sick or have a good excuse then i would love to have her here but not just because of scared. Its silly.

I’m about half your age but I imagine I’ll always be scared to be in the house alone!! When I was a teenager my parents went on holiday for a week and I had to Skype my friend all night and have an online sleepover sort of thing with him as I was too scared to go to sleep on my own. After that my best friend moved in with me for the rest of the week as I just couldn’t do it!!
I’m a mum now and when my partner is working late I will stay up until he gets home as I can hear noises (which is especially horrible if I’m trying to get my child to sleep) and it just panics me 😬 Sitting downstairs with the tv and lights on after checking every room for murders/intruders/ghosts/monsters/I don’t even know is the only way 🙈😂