Rather embarrassing ... I am in my early 60s and still afraid of sleeping in the house by myself... How do I overcome this?

[loveyouradvice]

Yes... literally that... and I hesitated before typing it.

Its totally illogical but when Im in the house with the dog and DH or DC, I'm relaxed and as happy as anything after dark, just pottering around before bed and going peacefully to sleep.

When alone (and without dog, as at the moment), I hear rustling and creaking floorboards and my imagination is full of strange men in the dark with knives or a desire to hurt me hovering at the edge of my consciousness.... I feel tense and nervous, and have to shut all the doors and leave all the lights on outside the bedroom, and take ages to get to sleep

So ... what would you do? I've 3 nights alone now and I WANT TO CONQUER THIS.

I am LONGING to go to bed as blasély and easily as I do when there are others around... Same house, same me... Hmmm

First, are you my mother in law!? She has the same thing!!
Do you have a house alarm? Start setting it overnight now so you know it works. check all the doors and windows before you go to bed, have a couple of glasses of vino while your relaxing with your evening activities and voila. Once you've done it once you should be fine.
I occasionally have to stay home alone with my baby boy and I always let the neighbour know I’m on my own, I was upfront and told her I’m a little nervous about it (the first time I told her). She’s brilliant though, messages me to check I’m ok as she’s going to bed and also messages occasionally if both our cars are gone to check we are ok, if we are both travelling for work or just one, if we need our bins putting out. It’s worked out quite nicely as I also look out for her when her boyfriend travels with his friends.

The longest I have been alone has been about 10 days the other year when DH was abroad. I was a bundle of nerves at first but after a few days I was less jumpy. After that I have been much better. I think part of it is that I never had my own room growing up, shared a room at uni, then got married. So never experienced solitude at night.

I find that going to bed quite early helps, then if I hear a noise I tell myself it's the neighbours. I do leave the bathroom light on so any burglar assumes that someone is awake... daft I know.

Of course I wake up very early, which tires me out for the next night!

I have a knife next to me when DH is travelling … sorry prob not helpful 😒

Good luck OP! I am fine in my flat (or indeed any flat) but in my parents' house, any noise is interpreted as being someone downstairs 😯. Maybe you could trick your brain into thinking any noise is next door?

I’m fine in the house by myself when it’s dark but I always check I’ve locked the doors when it’s light. I do get a bit freaked out once I go to bed sometimes. I have a string of lights along the corridor and down the stairs, I put them on when it’s still light. I do lock my bedroom door when I’m alone though, just feel much better that in the unlikely event someone did get in I’d hear them and have time to call for help.

Fit a bolt on the inside of your bedroom door, it will give you peace of mind.

You just need to do it more.

I was like this when my ex left. I'd always lived with others and had never been the only grown up in the house.

At first, I used to leave every single light on and go around checking everything was locked about a hundred time. I had to use a sleep hypnosis podcast for the first couple of weeks. But then I just got used to it.

You’re just giving any intruder a weapon to turn on you.

Homeopathy cured me of my fear of being alone in the house at night.

My friend hides the kitchen knives at night for this very reason 😏

It’s the reason I don’t have a knife block in my kitchen. Too accessible. 😱

Me too OP

I don’t particularly like it but we have ring camera floodlight outside in back garden, one in kitchen, as well as burglar alarm.

We arm downstairs at night so makes me feel much more relaxed until we forget to de-arm it in the morning 😀

Quite!

Have you ever tried hypnotherapy? I was struck by those affirmations you shared and it made me think that hypnotherapy would work well for you. In person would be best as it can be tailored to your specific situation, but if you are not able to, there are many hypno tracks on Spotify or you tube etc.

I grew up with no knife block and indeed no sharp knives at all as my mother was terrified of being attacked at night with a weapon. I’ve now gone for the easier option of a monitored alarm on the ground floor at night!

It’s hidden in a bag next to me

no knife, no sleep !

I live alone and I still have similar fears about intruders during the night etc. So it's not necessarily a case of getting used to being in the house alone the more you do it! I have to check all the big cupboards if I'm out and come home once it's dark.
I go to sleep with a lamp and an audio book both on timers so they switch off once I'm asleep.

I'm 61 and hate sleeping alone in the house when DH is away.

It doesn't help that the bastard dog ALWAYS wants to go out for a wee in the middle of the night when I'm alone.

So I have to unlock the French doors and stand there whilst she takes her sweet time weeing and sniffing. We live rurally and it's dark out there and the dog would greet any mass murderer as though he were her new bestie!

Sorry, OP - not much help!

I’m not scared of intruders. I guess I’m more scared of being responsible for my children If there was a fire or similar and I can’t physically can’t get them out or know what to do.

I find comfort in my ring doorbell.
Making doubly sure all doors and windows are locked and I lock my own bedroom door.

I also sleep with low level red light on which has helped a lot.

I'm not often on my own but it can be for longer periods when my DH works away.

I even get scared of sleeping in my own house by myself! Currently renting out a spare room on a temporary basis which helps but when I usually have the house (small cottage) to myself there are nights when sometimes I scare myself. No idea why just standard Victorian workers cottage!

I feel in good company.... I'm coming round to the fact that I just haven't done it much ... perhaps 20 nights in 40 years! Wow... so little...

And I'm going to remind myself that I've done brave things in the past ...

So I am going to embrace it... Yes, I suspect hypnotherapy would work for me and I rather like another idea I've just found: making friends with my house in the dark, getting to know it intimately, using all my senses and just breathing in and observing everything... I think I'll try that one tomorrow night

I’ve never been a fan and not had to do it much. My husband used to work nights and I’d go home to my parents until I had kids. My way of managing is to check the house, doors etc. early, go to bed nice and early (easy this time of year, to be tucked up before dark) with a nice book/magazine and watch something really cosy and comforting like Downtown Abbey (but whatever works for you). I do have a big, ferocious sounding dog who sleeps in our room and that helps too.

Hmm, 57 here and still not comfortable alone in my creaky old house.
I check the doors, probably twice, make sure the last number in my phone is 999 (I know, I know, but it does help), put a sleep story on my Headspace app and then take a Sleepeaze. Guess I will be slated for this but I only do it when I am alone.