Rather embarrassing ... I am in my early 60s and still afraid of sleeping in the house by myself... How do I overcome this?

[loveyouradvice]

Yes... literally that... and I hesitated before typing it.

Its totally illogical but when Im in the house with the dog and DH or DC, I'm relaxed and as happy as anything after dark, just pottering around before bed and going peacefully to sleep.

When alone (and without dog, as at the moment), I hear rustling and creaking floorboards and my imagination is full of strange men in the dark with knives or a desire to hurt me hovering at the edge of my consciousness.... I feel tense and nervous, and have to shut all the doors and leave all the lights on outside the bedroom, and take ages to get to sleep

So ... what would you do? I've 3 nights alone now and I WANT TO CONQUER THIS.

I am LONGING to go to bed as blasély and easily as I do when there are others around... Same house, same me... Hmmm

The only way to do this IMO is just to... do it. By which I mean that it won't happen just because you want it to, but if you "practise" by doing it over and over again then you will eventually reach a point when you feel ok about it.

I'm up for all suggestions - even rather mad ones.... Just doing it doesnt seem to work, as I have done it probably 20 times with the results I mention above!

At the moment, I've an image of me running round the house at midnight, arms wide, just shouting COME AND GET ME .. might be rather liberating and make me realise how mad I am being.....

ps Anyone else suffer from this or am I alone??

No, you're not alone OP. There's at least two of us. I'm mid sixties and I've always been afraid of being alone. I often have to work late in a large old building and it really frightens me. The same applies to being alone in the house after dark, especially at bed time.

My fear is more based on the paranormal rather than human attackers (not that I'm blase about that either). It's awful and I wish I wasn't like it! It affects so much of my life.

I find putting a radio or TV on when in bed helps a bit and keeping a night light on.

Lock up in the daylight. Check every room, cupboard, space etc then close the curtains and close that door. You then know that room is definitely clear.

Close all curtains, lock all doors,

Leave lights on if you have to, but I would counsel against anything like leaving a radio or TV on in a room you are not in as sounds carry on a strange way when you're worried.

I learned to live alone in my 20s and made it my goal NEVER to spook myself in my own home, so I can walk around in the dark etc without being worried. I'm in my 40s and absolutely fine, except for closing the curtains in the dark (that goes back to The Gremlins as a small child!). It's worth working on it!

You're not alone. My DH works lates and nights so I often go to bed alone (I do have kids though) and I used to have constant fear of being robbed or the house catching fire and it being all on me to get all my kids to safety.

Weirdly I found a sort of sensory deprivation helped. So ear plugs and an eye mask. (My kids are teens now) as I can't hear those phantom floorboard creaks and it helps me relax more.

Where do you live? Is it remote? Lots of doors to the outside?
I live in a terrace in London. I feel totally safe. My front door is heavy and thick and has a couple locks. My back is glass but double glazed with bolts, plus someone would have to climb over four gardens to get to it.
So make sure all your windows and doors are secure. Install a ring camera and/or CCTV. Alarm your house (make sure it's not motion sensitive if you have a dog).

I’m like this too. I leave lights on.
And doors open.
I check all the rooms before bed as well as before dark. And check the front door is locked.

And I also sometimes use a storm app whilst trying to sleep.

I listen to a podcast when I go to bed, started doing it when DH worked twilights, it keeps your brain occupied and stops you listening for noises! Try a few until you find a voice that relaxes you. I'm pretty much like Pavlov's dogs now - podcast on and I'm asleep 🤣

I think you're probably in big company, OP.

I'm not terrified of being overnight on my own but I'm certainly not as relaxed as when my DH is there.

Is your house secure?

Can you keep a radio on maybe? I find a bit of background noise helps somehow.

I hate sleeping in a house alone, always have, always will. I always leave extra lights on and stay up late until I'm too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

Sorry, no useful tips.

I hate staying in hotels and airbnbs too. I recently abandoned an airbnb and stayed on a friend's sofa as I was too scared to stay there alone.

Humans are built to need other humans around I think.

I'm exactly the same. It drives me mad. I get so cross with myself for being like it. So if anyone has managed to over come it I'd also really love to know how. My daughter is off to university in September and I'm actually thinking of moving house so that I'm not on my own (my husband works away quite regularly)

You're not alone, and I'm 60 plus too. I'm rarely on my own at night which is probably part of the problem. Living semi-rurally up a long dark drive doesn't help.

I leave some lights and the radio on.

I’ve been burgled in the night so I am also unhappy alone. That said, barricade the bedroom door with a nearby piece of furniture, have your mobile right beside you. Most people breaking in after after stuff, not people.

I don't like it either. I basically barricade myself in my bedroom but I do have a window I can climb out of onto a flat roof if I need to. My problem is the cat - she doesn't like closed doors, so the barricade is a red rag to a bull no matter what side of it she's on! I also decided long ago that if I was scared, I would simply sleep with the light on. So I do that, with an eye mask. Can't say as I sleep as well as when DH is home, but at least I get some sleep this way.

No you are not alone , i am the same !
It's not often that my husband is away from home and i have dogs too plus 2 grown sons here at times.
My imagination runs riot ,one of my mad thoughts is that my front and back doors are wide open and don't start me on the scary men lurking in my garden.
I am not at all a wimp and i actually love spending time alone .
On the rare occasions my husband is away at night i tend to go to bed really late so that i drop off quick .

I check the doors, windows, then head to bed. Of course the doors are always locked but it's part of the ritual. You do adjust, I had 10 days last year which I wasn't looking forward to but I could get up later than normal, not make the bed eat what I wanted ... and after day 2 I slept

Hmmmm... a lot of us... all putting up with it in various guises, few who have conquered - Kudos to you @PeonySeasons, that's who I want to be!!

Yes I like the idea of podcasts and radio on, even white noise like rain. Interesting about the sensory deprivation @MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel, I think I might explore that.

But what I want to do is rid myself of this and FEEL POWERFUL ALONE AT HOME.... I have never been attacked in my own home (though have been elsewhere). It is my safe space. And it's semi-detached in a city so I'm not isolated like you @TheSingingBean. I do think the usually having someone around so I've never had to learn is part of it.

Huge sympathies @paasll - it must be a whole other level of fear when it relates to something you have been through.

I think tonight I might check everything's locked and safe in daylight and then after dark try my rather mad idea above... probably more focussed on me and how I want to be rather than challenging imaginary intruders.

So wish me luck as I stride about my house proclaiming that I AM STRONG AND POWERFUL IN MY OWN HOME, that it is my safe space and I am going to cherish and enjoy it in every way at any time..... Let's see.

And then I'll try something else tomorrow, or build on this if it feels like it might be working.....

All other ideas welcome - longing to hear from others who've conquered it!!

But what I want to do is rid myself of this and FEEL POWERFUL ALONE AT HOME....

Truthfully, I think if you haven’t found the answer by now then you’re not going to and I think a lot of people as seen on this thread have the same fear. I guess maybe some sort of therapy, maybe a CBT type could help possibly?

When I was younger I was very nervous about being on my own at night and I know when I divorced and it was just me and the kids, I use to literally keep myself up until the early hours laying there listening to every noise and creak, but as time went on and nothing bad happened, the fear abated and I was able to rationalise that it was unlikely to - it took a while though.

Oh bless you. I remember when I was about 13 thinking that I’d never be able to live alone as I was too frit.

Fortunately I outgrew it so no real advice.

I do still occasionally get the willies when I go upstairs to bed leaving darkness behind (3 storey house) but wine helps.

And my house is (probably) haunted.

I've lived alone for a long time. It really wouldn't occur to me to be frightened but I'm generally so tired that sleep comes quickly.

Can you try to get additional exercise?

Also leave a few low lights on around the house. And drift off to an audiobook on your phone.

Get a good alarm system. We first had one installed when DH got a job which involved his being away during the week.
We updated it a year ago and are very pleased with the efficiency of the new company’s maintenance and the swift response when it is triggered (so far accidently).
From my bedroom I am unable to hear any noise if there is an attempt to open outer doors downstairs. The system deals with this.
It is not cheap but it means I am perfectly happy on my own in the evenings and can sleep very soundly.

I live alone and got a burglar alarm installed and set it when I go up to bed at night. Really helps.