I don't want to go to DD graduation

[Easygoing24]

Dd is going from yeat 9 into year 10. And there's going to be a graduation. I have to sit there for 2 hrs just to watch her be given a bit of paper for 3 seconds . I will have to put my younger kids in breakfast club . Will have to leave home at 6.45. As I dont drive. Breakfast club 7.45 and then get to dd school for 8.30.

Feels like so much pissing about . No I don't have anyone who can help. No school mums, no one at all .

Yes I know I'm being a nasty bitch. I will 100% go. Because I won't let dd down .

The 'faux ceremony' will likely involve a photo/video round up of the year, speech's, performances, achievement/effort/resilience awards - not just a 5 second handover of a bit of paper to graduate. Is none of that worthwhile for parents?

Even if your kid is not receiving anything or performing it's a chance to be part of the community your kid spends most of their time in.

But ok, pointless and annoying to have to put yourself out slightly for. And clearly meaningless to the kids as well.

I religiously went to everything with my first child. By the second I was a lot more selective. Lots of meetings and assemblies could have been an email.

The ones where you know they’re going to read out the school website to you or speak to you for an hour and then give you a piece of paper saying the same thing. Just email and ask for the paper.

This one would depend on my child - do they want me there? If so I’ll suck it up.

Well all of that sounds pointless to me yes. And would have done at 14 as well. Speeches about what? Why is the end of one school year significant?

Our school had tried a Sports Assembly one year when I was in year 9. All of what you described, photo round-ups, speeches, achievements and awards for everyone involved. It went on for 2 hours. Everyone was bored, can't imagine what it would have been like for parents if they'd been quilted into coming. Our class got told off for clapping in unison during the 70 billionth award as a way of alleviating the tedium.

As I said im going because dd wants me to.

Whats to gain by bring part of the community. What for I don't get it?

I think it’s the calling it a graduation that’s stupid and annoying. Lots of schools have prize giving ceremonies at the end of each year; mine did and my dc’s does. It’s not unusual to mark the conclusion of the academic year.

Dd’s was last week, end of year 9 like op’s dd’s. Short speech from the head of year about all the stuff they’ve done over the year, sing a hymn, and presentation of prizes for each subject plus a handful of ‘good egg’ awards. DD’s friend got a good egg one. His parents weren’t there so we cheered for him instead.

I think it’s nice, personally. They work so hard, it’s lovely to celebrate that. I also always enjoy the glass of wine for parents afterwards!

Whats to gain by bring part of the community. What for I don't get it?

You might make some friends?

You don’t make friends at a parents assembly in year 9.

Ok I give up, no wonder student behaviour and engagement at school is shit, when there is so much apathy for it at home.

What? I thought you meant from uni!!! That’s what a graduation is. When you become a graduate!

at y9 your dd is old enough to understand why you can’t attend

Parental attitude and involvement can have huge impact on school

See it as practice for uni graduation,now that really is boring and a LOT longer than 90 mins!

I know she is, but why can't OP attend?

She has not cited work reasons. Only getting up earlier and breakfast club, and it being pointless.

So her teen will just understand that she can't be bothered.

Dd is not very academic so I doubt very much she will be going to uni.

She is attending. She's just (completely reasonably) a bit annoyed about the inconvenience of it when it serves no particular purpose

Your really confusing me 🤣 I don't get it

Whats to gain by bring part of the community. What for I don't get it?

Okay … Either this thread is all nonsense designed to waste people’s time, @Easygoing24, or - honestly, I don’t know.

You’ve brought a problem to MN which has arisen because, for whatever reason, you have not built / been able to build a supportive community around you to share the burden and take up the slack and spread the fun of bringing up a family.

But you’re declining to acknowledge that.

🤷🏽‍♀️

I don’t blame you OP. It’s a lot of disruption for something pointless. We have one now every year for our primary child. I have to go at some inconvenient hour of the day and be rentacrowd to celebrate someone else’s academic brilliance etc because my DD is never in the running for anything. It was better when they didn’t have these endless ceremonies ! DD is not that bothered either!

You can make friends by being part of the school community. The op was asking what was the point of that. You go to school events - eventually you make friends with other parents who you see at these things. If you want to. As the op doesn’t have any friends or support network, this could be beneficial to her.

What am I to gain from it? Really?!

Being a present and active in the place your DD spends the majority of her waking time?

Teaching her school is important? That success, in whatever form, is worth celebrating? Even if that success is completing the year - which for many students will have been a challenge in itself.

People have just got there backs up because the school have called it a graduation, rather than an end of year assembly.

Why do people bother having kids if it's such an inconvenience to go to their events? Suck it up, one day you'll be the inconvenience to them.

It’s apathy for a made up evening on top of all the other events.

Maybe in a different world - where people’s weeks aren’t tightly managed already and something like this just throws everything off - it would be more appreciated.

I think our school have it right. They have a bit if every Friday's assembly when anyone can bring in a certificate for anything they've done and get acknowledged. And they all have a photo taken and it goes in the newsletter. So tje parents can see all the children acknowledged but aren't expected to turn up.

I didn't realise till DC started school that Sports Day was something parents were ever expected to attend. It's for the children to enjoy. I find it odd that it's meant to be for spectators but it seems to be a big deal.

We had one end of school awards ceremony for parents to come to but it was in the evening so much more reasonable.

I'm not replying after theis message because it's silly and being tuned into something it's not.

I have already said several times that I'm going to this event. Because dd wants me to

This is one of the most depressing threads I've seen on MN of late, and that's saying something. All these people arguing for reasons that a parent should disappoint a 14 year old essentially to make a point or because it's a minor inconvenience.

And as for this: Let's also not devalue a proper graduation from University!

I really don't think that a 22 year-old or their friends and family are going to think: "Damn, this Oxford degree just doesn't feel significant because of that graduation ceremony I had from Year 9"

You’ve brought a problem to MN which has arisen because, for whatever reason, you have not built / been able to build a supportive community around you to share the burden and take up the slack and spread the fun of bringing up a family.

But you’re declining to acknowledge that.

Whilst you @Gruelle are completely making things up

My dc were well behaved at school, and were also engaged, whilst at the same time realising there are only so many hours in every day and only so many days in every week.
We had dh and I to share out these things between, but also our time had to be shared between that little thing called 'going to work', and also supporting all dc, as and when we could, at all the things they do - including outside activities.
Our dc - even in Primary school - understood the concept we couldn't get to every assembly or other thing parents might be allowed to attend, and that we would do our best to prioritise those where they were at least performing in some way.

As a teacher, I would never judge a family for not being able to get to pointless assemblies.