I don't want to go to DD graduation

[Easygoing24]

Dd is going from yeat 9 into year 10. And there's going to be a graduation. I have to sit there for 2 hrs just to watch her be given a bit of paper for 3 seconds . I will have to put my younger kids in breakfast club . Will have to leave home at 6.45. As I dont drive. Breakfast club 7.45 and then get to dd school for 8.30.

Feels like so much pissing about . No I don't have anyone who can help. No school mums, no one at all .

Yes I know I'm being a nasty bitch. I will 100% go. Because I won't let dd down .

My point was that it's not a university graduation. Not even a nursery, primary or secondary graduation come to that...

@Easygoing24

Oh really. My DDs hate me going to school even for parents evening.

Your children shouldn’t have to miss out on you at stuff because of the way an adult has chosen to set their lives up re public transport, distance, support

I’ve seen one better - my friend’s kid “graduated” from Baby Sensory 😂

No they shouldn't. But the OP hasn't said her kids do miss out. She knows it's too much hassle for something so daft. She hasn't said she isn't going either.

Its ridiculous and it would piss me off too op, but I would still go because it means a lot to dd.

When I think about all the crap I've gone to with my dc at school just to see 2 seconds of them doing something (single parent with 6 dc so there's been a LOT) but now my older 4 are adults and teens they remember me always showing up for them, so it's worth it in the long run I guess.

I don't get what your on about?

My dd always wants me to go I hate it 🤣

It's hardly devaluing a university graduation is it ?
Yes it's a bit daft but I think anyone with half a brain knows their is a huge difference in somebody getting a degree and somebody moving from year 9 to 10.

@Easygoing24 is there nothing at all you can do to make all your lives a bit easier going forward?

At least 3 children, no back up whatsoever and no car? That must be really tough - and will surely only get harder as they each start to need more ferrying around. And there are going to be so many times you need someone to help out in an emergency or even regularly on a reciprocal basis.

You must surely know lots of other mothers - are there really not even one or two you could build friendly relations with? Or work / study colleagues? Or relatives you’ve fallen out with but might reconnect with? The graduation is one event, ridiculous, but as you indicate, your daughter might remember it so you feel obliged to go. What about the next million parents’ evenings, birthday parties, school plays, etc? What about after school clubs / choir / sports practice / whatever? Will they have to miss out more than they attend because of logistical difficulties? Not to speak of medical / dental / opticians and all sorts of other necessary appointments.

It’s really hard when you find yourself in such a difficult situation. It can be so exhausting that you give up any thought that things could be changed …

No I don't have friends or family that can help out. Lots of people manage without a car . It's an arse but they do.

I do go to sports days. School events etc. And my kids have been to birthday party's.
It's just this recent one for dd has pissed me off because its pointless and the timing is bad for it.

And buses /cabs etc do go to hospitals abd medical places etc so I can get to them

Sounds very silly. And just makes parents like OP feel they have to tie themselves in knots and make life complicated for a pointless ceremony for a made-up event.

OP I totally understand your frustration with how silly it is but feeling like you have to go. It's a lose-lose situation.

She is old enough to be told the difficulty it would
be for you to attend. Tell her that there are lots of other more important things coming up for her. Offer to have a " celebration " at home with her favourite food and a cake ?

Poor parents are being so guilt tripped these days . Kids are part of a family unit and can't always take precedence. The expectations are so high these days and imo totally disproportionate. I fear it sets kids up for a lifetime of disappointment as the reality is that not every event is special! I blame Instagram 😱

I know lots of people manage without a car, @Easygoing24 - I do myself nowadays. But no car and no friends or family, and even one child is likely to become increasingly problematic as they get older.

Honestly not getting at you - it’s just we can become entrenched in our situations, to the point of defending obvious difficulty rather than actively (even if it’s uncomfortable) trying to do something to make things easier.

And, although it may annoy you - children like to see their parent(s) connected to and living as part of a community. How your parents interacted with their own friends, the fun they created, the wider world they modelled - all these things form part of a child’s background and memories. Building that supportive world around your children is part of the necessary effort parents need to make - whether they like it or not.

It's an import from America.

DS’s school didn’t do graduation on changing year groups/Key Stage but they did do prize giving every year. Is this something similar?

Your really confusing me 🤣 I don't get it

Did she have one for y7 and y8 to?

No . I think its because this is a move on from key stage 3 to key stage 4.

What a load of fuss about getting up at 6:45 and kids going to breakfast club - that's something millions of parents do every morning.

How dare the school put on a nice celebration for the students at the end of the year.

People complain when their teens no longer want to do anything with them - is it a surprise when the reaction to be invited a school event is that it's too much bother!

People also complain the only time they interact with school is for a few minutes on parents evening once a year, but equally complain when events are put on...

How dare the school put on a nice celebration for the students at the end of the year.
That would be fine. Turning into a faux ceremony and pointless thing for parents to get dragged into is annoying.

Year 9 to year 10 is not a significant milestone and this drive to make every little change into a ceremony is tedious.

I have a DD going from y9-y10. Our school doesn't do a graduation, first I've ever heard of such a thing.
I go to all the things at school that matter, and I won't be going to this if they started with this nonsense. Luckily, my DD would rather I didn't come to anything at the school, so it's an easy out!

I have to (leave ) 6.45 not get up at 6.45 . I have 2 younger children to get ready . One with autism.

And it's pointless. What are theu actually celebrating?

Me too! Don't go, treat all the kids to a takeaway to celebrate.

Don't be ridiculous.
Her dc aren't missing out.
You do realise that not everyone (well, in truth 'most of us') can buy / rent a house that is a short walk from school, magically produce the finances to run a car, magically produce childcare for other dc etc ?

just makes parents like OP feel they have to tie themselves in knots and make life complicated for a pointless ceremony for a made-up event.

Quite