How to split payments fairly?

[NCforthisdilemma]

Opinions please as not sure if I'm being fair.

DDad milestone birthday coming up, 3 siblings, DB plus DSis and I. In the past we have done meals out, shows and holidays. All siblings agreed to treat DDad to a holiday this time. DSis has now decided she would rather not come, no particular reason, just would rather stay home, and has asked to just pay an equal share of DDads costs. I feel cost of whole trip should be shared between all 3, because if none of us went DDad would get no holiday. So in effect, I'm asking DSis to subsidise our holiday costs for a holiday she is not going on (but that other siblings wouldn't choose to do if it wasn't for DDads birthday). Am I being unfair to expect DSis to split whole cost?

(No one is short of money, all earning)
UK based holiday, not huge costs, max around £800 total (edited to include rough cost)

But it's irrelevant. The OP has said that smaller accommodation isn't cheaper.

Are you quite mad? Your sister is being perfectly reasonable. Expecting her to contribute to your own costs is utterly unreasonable.

Thats she’s found yet

where you going op and we’ll find cheaper!

@crayfishyum yes its booked, apologies I thought that would be clear, because if not, I wouldn't be bothered tbh.

I'm in agreement with pp, your ds pays a third for your ddad's holiday but doesn't subsidise anyone else's share. Not sure why that would even be a consideration.

and £800 total cost for 4 people?

@crayfishyum the costs are not accurate, details have been changed as obviously I would never want DDad to read this and recognise it, not that he reads Mumsnet

how well do you get on with your sister usually op?

costs are important as to whether we’re talking many multiples of hundreds / thousands or much less

It does say £800, not sure where you're getting £80 from, @crayfishyum at no point, even in editing, did it say £80

You can't make a sibling be you.

Unless the additional cost will give you trouble, go and enjoy your time with your DDad and DB.

But also, maybe your DSis finds it tougher than you, so don't create unnecessary drama. Families can be hard, and not always in the same way for each member.

Its £800 (or less) for whole accommodation costs, again, that was in OP

I’m with you OP

Your sister should still pay a third of the accommodation.

figure are least identifying of the detail you’ve provided op!

3 siblings
1 man 2 women
only one sibling has a child
taking father away for a milestone holiday
1 sister not going

It’s not exactly commonplace

yes but then you said figures not
accurate

so the additional cost to your brother and yourself is…. £100 each?

So 4 going on holiday means

£200 each with 3 of you paying 1/3 of your dads coasts.

Now she’s dropped out and your share has increased - so

1/3 of £266 each is now £90 each

Plus your own increased share is increased to £266

your share was £267

now it’s £356

So it’s costing you £90 more is she doesn’t pay for her space.

I think she should pay a bit more - it’s was based on 4 and she’s now dropped out - I assume she knew the costs and should play fair.

@qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty that is correct, and probably what I need to try to remember. Appreciate your take on it.

@qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty

No of course I don't know the family. What a daft question.

I think if the DSis agreed to go then she should honour that or should have spoken up before booking. Unless there is a back story from the OP.

There’s a difference agreeing to go on holiday of £800 split 3 ways (£266) and then later being split so DSis is only covering a third of the Ddad cost (£66) and OP and DB paying the rest (£366 each). Even if she isn’t going, the basis of agreeing the holiday was a three-way split and the DSis dropping out makes it more expensive for the other siblings.

breakdown is

DB £320
OP £320
DS £160

in your shoes, i’d either suggest £300 £300 £200 but more likely i’d 🤷 and look forward to spending my dad’s birthday with him

yes but not by that amount

£160
£320
£320

Blueroses99

DDad cost rises to £90 on a 3 way split.

@crayfishyum and how do you know any of these details are the real facts, we could be 4 brothers, 2 Sister/1 brother, 5 sisters, we could be taking our Great Aunt, the principle is the same.

OP’s post says sis is offering to pay £65 so I think your sums are wrong