How to split payments fairly?

[NCforthisdilemma]

Opinions please as not sure if I'm being fair.

DDad milestone birthday coming up, 3 siblings, DB plus DSis and I. In the past we have done meals out, shows and holidays. All siblings agreed to treat DDad to a holiday this time. DSis has now decided she would rather not come, no particular reason, just would rather stay home, and has asked to just pay an equal share of DDads costs. I feel cost of whole trip should be shared between all 3, because if none of us went DDad would get no holiday. So in effect, I'm asking DSis to subsidise our holiday costs for a holiday she is not going on (but that other siblings wouldn't choose to do if it wasn't for DDads birthday). Am I being unfair to expect DSis to split whole cost?

(No one is short of money, all earning)
UK based holiday, not huge costs, max around £800 total (edited to include rough cost)

Yes.
Your sister isn't going, she contributes to your dad's costs as his present from all 3 of you. But you are going so you pay your own costs, plus towards your dad's present.

You and your brother will be enjoying the holiday and your father's company.
She's paying her 3rd for your father's holiday, she shouldn't be subsidising you and your brother! You two aren't paid carers.

So by that measure @SofaSpuds we could all just not go with DDad (which is what DSis is doing) and pay for DDad to go by himself and split the cost? He doesn't want to holiday alone, what a lovely present that would be, (not).

The issue in my mind is the present is mainly going on holiday "together", and Dsis has opted out.

I wouldn't charge her, but yes it is a rather poor show that she has backed out of a holiday where the whole point is that your DF is with his DCs.

Divide the total cost by 9.
You pay 4/9ths.
DB pays 4/9ths.
DS pays 1/9th.
That way you and DB pay for yourselves, whilst splitting DF's costs between all three of you.

'Opted out' is an interesting choice of words. You are angry she has opted out?

Surely she is 'missing out' and you are looking forward to the holiday - or is this an underlying issue?

Financially I think your sis is right.

On principle though I think her not going spoils the holiday a little as the whole point is that your DDad gets a holiday with all of his children so I think she is being unreasonable to drop out for that reason.

Yes it is a shame your DSis has opted out and I can imagine this happening in our family. My DB and myself often take my mum away but my DSis won't. She wouldn't pay either so at least your DSis is offering to pay for a third of your Dads costs. I get it is not a holiday you or your DB would have chosen but you will at least hopefully get to enjoy it and make some memories with your Dad. Just accept your DSis offer to contribute the third of your Dads costs. Presumably it is cheaper if she doesn't go?

I get your point, but I still don't agree with you. If no one else was going I'm sure your dad wouldn't go either, therefore cost to you is nil.
Your dad's present is you all pay for him, not you all pay for everyone even if you don't go.

How much of the £800 is she suggesting she pays?

Previously the 3 of you were paying about £265 each.

Is she now offering a third of his room, ie £65? This would bring your costs up to about £365 each. If so, this would be really unfair considering that she agreed to pay a third, and it was booked on that basis.

Any chance of changing the accommodation?

I would be angry too and opted out is the right choice of words. There is no genuine reason why she has decided not to come and presumably the father will be disappointed not to go with all his children. Missing out implies the DSis has no choice but to cancel which is not the case.

I think you'd sound better if you do it in numbers or more specifics. Like we've paid for an Airbnb in the back arse of nowhere with emotional significance to Dad because he spent holidays there as a child, it was €400 split between 3 of us so €130 each and now Dsis has said she's not going so she's proposing to pay €50 and we pay €175 each. Baring in mind we're only going because Dad wants to go and have zero interest in the location otherwise.

That's what OP has the problem with @BaronessBomburst. She wants the cost split into thirds, even when sis doesn't go - at least that's my understanding. @NCforthisdilemma please tell me if I've misunderstood.

@Cornishclio no cheaper
@qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty DDad is not the easiest, but I didn't feel that was the point, I did say in OP the holiday was agreed to "treat" DDad for his birthday, which we all agreed.

@Livelaughlurgy I think you've described it well, I thought I'd made it clear when I said in OP, holiday is "for" DDads birthday, none of us would go otherwise. That was in OP.

I'd tell her to keep her money, let the holiday be from you and bro and sort herself out.

What am I reading?!?!

No she should not!

So you want her to pay for meals etc? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Is it already booked and paid for, based on her coming and splitting the full costs? If that's the case, if she's then chosen to back out you'd have more of a case for her paying.

But, if nothings booked yet then I agree she shouldn't pay for a holiday she's not going on.

@Quitelikeit are you actually reading my posts? Accommodation only

OP will you and your brother be paying for your dad's food/spends etc once you're there?

I asked earlier, how much is she suggesting? Approx £65 like in my above post?

He can want what he wants. Doenst mean he gets it. That's a pretty big ask.

@mummyh2016 we will probably share (DDad, DB and I)
@Swissrollover she's offering to pay a third of DDads room cost, so yes approx £65

@Allthegoodnamesaregone1 you're missing that all siblings agreed to take DDad on holiday.

Your DSis is right imo.