Do you have secret names for your neighbours?

[Cattery]

We have Dot Woman, Mattress Burner, Strangler and Trappy

Hedge Wanker

We have

The Tidys (most immaculate front garden and he washes his car daily whilst she cleans the inside windows)

Grumpy and Shuffle (grumpy old guy and his tiny old wife who shuffles behind him)

The Deliveroos (they even get Costa Coffee delivered, we loved watching them in lockdown, 3 deliveries a day)

Bastard Ron At The Back (installed a sonic cat alarm that he turns on when our kids go outside)

Mr Hedge (we share a boundary and he never keeps his side of the hedge tidy)

The Ones Who Got Raided (self explanatory)

Airtag House (one of our cat's airtags is in their garden)

The Learner Drivers (they have several older teen kids and 3 fiat 500s)

Nice Phil and Dick head Phil

We have Steve-John, his name is John, but neither of us could remember if it was actually Steve for the first year, so now he's just both. And then we have Gary and Sue... So, of course, Gue.

Mr Talksabouthimself and Mrs Cannotparkproperly are married to each other and AbsoluteBastard lives down the road.

We have primark woman (dodgy fashion sense!)
Tattoo man (obvious really)
Lover boy
Ballerina woman
The people that live in Sarah and Steve's house. Sarah and Steve moved 12 years ago

We have Tom Petty - his name is Tom and he once made our friend move her car because her bumper was about an inch in front of his garden - not his dropped kerb or anything ,just his wall.

We have:
Ratty
Mr Motorbike and the Motorbike Children
Twatty Jane
Hapless Hannah

We have Andy the parking warden, John the bins (first bins out every week, it’s chaos when he goes on holiday), the dickhead and Mrs Dickhead, the labradoodle house (except the family with the labradoodle moved so if being accurate it’s “the new people from the labradoodle house except they’ve got a greyhound”).

We have:
posh & bex
Sherlock Holmes
neighbourhood watch
Ms Brexit

Mister Mercedes

he vigilantly guards the public road outside his house as he believes ONLY he and his wife should park there.
he does an elaborate car and bin dance whenever either one needs to actually vacate the space.

Dustin Hoffman

doders about with his Maltese poodle… looks little Dustin Hoffman obv

Tesla Twat

self explanatory

I love these, even if it means someone has a name for me!

We have
Bernard Manning - is MIL lives in an annex at their house and he always complains about her.

Turd of Turd Hall - thinks he is it

Drunken Duncan - pisshead

Harry Hill - he looks like him.

The Twat in the Hat - always wearing a hat, whatever the weather

The Fraggles - one has red hair like Red, and they live next door to The Doozers.

Googlebox - his telly is massive and you can see it next to the window, telly is always on, even when he is out.

Other people are known by their real names.

@Whizzgosh John the Bins reminded me we also have The Binfluencer - sounds the same? Our bloke whose bins go out on the morning before collection day and thus lets everyone else know what week it is for the different bins.

oh we also have 'Britain's got talent'

Suns out, teeth out, she likes everyone to know she's enjoying herself, never modest or quiet, any time of day or night especially in the summer, first thing you see are the gnashers

The Considerablies (Harry Enfield - always want to top anyone else, and hate others doing well or getting nice new things).
The Firestarter - looks like Keith Flint from The Prodigy.
Mrs Flappy Feet - always in flip flops no matter what the weather is.
Dixon of Dock Green - bends his knees and says ‘morning all’ even if you’re on your own.
That Arsehole-wanders around with no top on thinking he’s gods gift. Even his wife can’t persuade him to cover up when necessary.

All really nice people though 😂

Camera Steve refers to house rather than neighbour as Steve died years ago)
PruFromNumber4
Annoying Dave
Dave the paramedic (to distinguish from annoying Dave)
And Debbie Hallelujah (is lovely but very churchy)

does "Nosey old bag" count? 🤣

Hanging baskets lives opposite and next to them is the comfy shoe crew

We've got a Fat Wallet over the road.

Mona the Moaner ( they moan about EVERYTHING - complete dickheads)

An elderly couple we call Catwoman and Mr Catwoman.

Miserable twunts on one side, and slight alkie on the other 😂😂 the rest are just known as the miserable buggers 😂😂

We've got SnootyH for one of ours who looks down her nose at everyone around.

And CallumTom for another - for no other reason than DH thought he'd introduced himself as Callum, I thought it was Tom, neither one of us is sure and can't ask again now... so it's both.

We’ve got Fred West :- I should add this is not a sick joke disrespecting his poor victims, but we are genuinely concerned, women go in but never seem to come back out, he filled his cellar in with concrete and does gardening at 1-2am a few of us have asked the police to pay him a visit but apparently there was nothing suspicious going on, time will tell sadly on that one but all us local women do avoid him, he gives off creepy vibes and stares at us all the time

We have Lilo Lil

The Clampetts

The carrot cruncher/Tofu Knitter/Flip Flop Warrior ( she’s a very extreme vegan and gets very angry and shouts at you about her beliefs especially if you don’t agree)

The Kray Twins ( teenage twins who are always in trouble for fighting)

Franks Mum & Dad ( I know the dog but genuinely can’t remember their names despite asking and being told several times, it’s now embarrassing to be honest)

Thats just a few of them ( there’s more), it is a lovely village but looking at my neighbours I’ve just written about our village resembles the village in Hot Fuzz 😆