Do you have secret names for your neighbours?

[Cattery]

We have Dot Woman, Mattress Burner, Strangler and Trappy

We have:

Dumber and Dumber who live next door. They’re also known as Mr and Mrs DIY or The Show Offs, depending on whether they’re banging hammers or showing off loudly in their garden to anyone walking past about whatever they’re doing right now/immediately/some point in the future. Their kids are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb.

The Odd Man who’s had the police around a few times and disappears for months at a time. I reckon he keeps going to prison, but no idea why or what for.

Eyebrow Julie because I saw her just after she’d had her eyebrows micro bladed and they were so scabby I couldn’t look away.

The Librarian. Kind of obvious.

Mr and Mrs Lazy. Never come to get their parcels and I refuse to take them over to see how long it takes. The longest was 6 weeks, but I cracked and said to Mrs Lazy on the school run that we had a parcel for her.

Mr Lovely, who always asks how ‘the babies’ are - they’re six and five years old and definitely not babies anymore. He has a massive family and is so proud of all of his kids’ achievements. Properly lovely.

The Gruesome Twosome.

We have the fast walkers, the wannabe fast walkers and the affair couple- 2 neighbours that I’m certain are having an affair when their other half’s go to work.

Yes 😂

Biscuit lady (Dd calls her that as she feeds our dogs biscuits)
Cuckoo lady (older lady, has shouted ‘Cuckoo!’ to Dd since she was a baby)
The Midwife-midwife lady at the end of the street
Crazy woman-next door neighbour-only one we don’t get on with -awful
Crazy woman’s brother-lives a few doors down from Crazy woman
The banker family-family whose dad works in a bank

Whose Carlton Leach?

DSM(dog shit man)- let’s his dog shit on our drive
wacky backy- gossipy woman who told us the other neighbours “like a bit of wacky backy” in hushed tones when we moved in

Galaxy Quest
Shagger
Dog Boy and The Mute
Honey Monster
Tofu Crew

We have Nice But Dim

Umperlumpa the nightmare neighbour next door who did orange fake tan thankfully recently moved

car man across the road who is known in the local shop as moaning meatball

Ever wondered what your neighbour name is?

Mine is most likely related to having an EV without an external home charger. I'm forever dragging out a cable that goes through our letter box. There is a legitimate reason for this but you know 🙈

We have;
Frank and Nigel (don't know their real names)
Little Man
Cray Cray Lady
Them next door
Noisy neighbours
Pigeon Lady
Pyjama Man

We have bulldog, fraggle, fraggles neighbour, smoky Robinson (cigarettes), naked bbq man (had shorts on), them over the back.

We have Foghorn leghorn and the fuck nuggets and Devil dog man.

My mum has the hobbits, the dogwalkers without a dog and the axe murder and his not dead wife. Oh and faceache next door.

We’ve got white car, Mrs bouquet & Fuerteventura.

The latter due to the fact she manages to bring it into every conversation.
Can you pop our bin out? We’re off to Fuerteventura. If you see DPD will you intercept my parcel? We’re off to Fuerteventura. Oh, you’ve had the baby! I must’ve missed it while we were in Fuerteventura.

This would be fine had it been statements spanning a week or 2 yet we have lived here over 2 years and its the only thing she’s ever said to me!

Spud and Deidre
Postman Prat
Racer Boy
WD (Wanker Dave )

All my neighbours are lovely except my awful next door neighbour on one side who is variously referred to by me and others as It, the nutcase, that mad bitch or Crystal tips (patchy bad home dye attempt purple hair)

We've got Paul McKenna, the Germans, grey haired man, smooth operator and Rasputin.

We do. I didn't think it was that common but now I know it is I'm worried what the neighbors may call us!

We have:
-Our John

• Our Johns wife

-Little Pete -the man with the teeth

• Tesla man
• the one who works in Argos backrooms

There's more but worried it may become outing. Dp has occasionally referred to them by their secret name whilst out in public. Like the time I asked who that was who just waved to us in the car and he replied 'the man with the teeth'

All lovely apart from one side who I call the scummy neighbours (front & back garden smells of fox crap, overgrown and has rats) or the beady eyed killer as he's odd and looks like your typical bbc drama serial killer.

Really don't like those neighbours, long story!

Captain Underpants who likes to strut around in his tighty whities and nowt else🫣

Same😆

Shouty George, the Ming Dynasty, davy crockett, and the selfish hyenas/twats.

Flopsy and Tubso ( a very ill matched pair, she was all pink wellies, sunglasses pushed up into hair, mini convertible, he had one tee shirt as far as we ever saw, stretched over his ever expanding belly)

Bobalob

Lurch.

Phil and Save ( a married couple), he really was called Phil but she wasn’t called Save, except by us.

‘thé she bastard ‘ and ‘thé he bastard ‘( they really were , two faced and malicious, they hurt a lot of people who took them at face value)

The hwahhhs ( not as posh as they liked to make out).

We have also had some very kind and pleasant neighbours whom we still see after moving!

I do…but I just have to keep
it in. I really don’t want my DD mentioning ‘frank the tank’ or ‘piss can Pam’!

Moody Madge with the haunted vaj.
( we don't get on very well).

I forgot Bob the builder (he's a builder and has 4 builders vans/trucks parked outside his house most of the time).