Son whatsapp chat.

[Nohopeforme91]

My son is 10 and has a WhatsApp class chat. I tend to check it every few nights or so and everything has been fine. They talk about weekend plans, class trips etc. I went through it last night and felt sick to my stomach where he had been posting in the group chat stuff of sexual content..mostly aimed at this one girl. I am horrified. I'm not sure the mum knows yet so I'm not sure whether to message her apologising. I'm pretty sure the school is going to get involved as well? I have no idea where he has picked up this language. He's generally well behaved bar the occasional strop and has a good social life and active. I don't know jow to navigate this at all. Can anyone advice please.

Worth adding for those that are not aware yet, you can use What’s app web to regularly check DC’s activity , especially if kids don’t allow access to phone

Some 10yr olds have an awareness of this stuff, through older children, siblings etc.
The forbidden aspect can raise curiosity.
A quarter of children first see porn at primary school. Far better to be aware of it and prevent and damage limitation than assume that a 10 yr old can’t possibly access it.

Even if you ban a child from having a phone they still have access if their friends have them. Most children now are very tech savvy and can find ways to override parental controls.

I understand now that he is too young to have a phone. He said something aline the lines of saw you sucking a sausage. I have repeatedly quizzed him if he knows what kind of innuendo that is but he is adamant that he doesn't. I can tell when he is lying and I've quizzed him over it the last few days and he genuinely seems to have no idea what it means. Nothing explicit but the innuendo is there.

Class what’s app can be awful. My DD joined one in year 6 and she promptly deleted it after she was called out for reporting another boy sexually assaulting 5 girls in the class. It wasn’t even her (or me) who reported it, I was absolutely disgusted at the content of a year 6 chat and she consequently had no social media for years through her own choice. I think you’ve handled it well

@Nohopeforme91 I'd be inclined to believe him. By Yr7 he'll know what that suggests. They honestly hear all sorts and some of the series etc that young teens watch are pretty explicit.
Explain what it means and the embarrassment will teach him a lesson not to post things he doesn't understand the meaning off.
Seen it before

@EnglishBluebell I assume you don't have a Yr6 child. At this point in the year SATs are done, they are big fish in small schools & they'll have done sex Ed. There's a lot of bravado & hormones.
They mostly all have phones, rightly or wrongly. Some will have no parental controls. Some will watch all manner of stuff on You Tube / TikTok / insta etc.
Its very hard to control other peoples kids access.

@EnglishBluebell A significant number of girls in Yr5 at age 9/10 start their periods. Yr6 too. A lot will know even if you've not told them yet.

I'm not being horrible but 10 is the age of criminal responsibility and your son is so lucky that the girl's family are not interested in speaking to the police because sending sexual messages on WhatsApp is actually a crime if the girl is upset by it. It's malicious communication.

Also where the heck has he heard that kind of stuff from? I'd be more interested in where that came from.

If he doesn't learn from this and starts sending dick picks in high school it will be treated by the police as sending and creating child porn and he will have to register as a sex offender. This is really serious behaviour.

What has he said about it? Has he said why he sent that?

Also any of the parents of the children in that chat can screen shot it and send it to the school or the police because their children were exposed to those 'jokes' if it was a parent of a child in that chat posting this thread they'd be told to contact social services and / or the school so you need to get on top of this now

Honestly i have no idea where he's heard it from. He has recently joined a youth club where the age range is from 8-15 so maybe an older child. He is quite innocent in his ways as well. I am not defending him but just giving my view point. I've quizzed him on why he said it and he said a boy who is slightly older but in the same class told him to say it. I'm aware of how lucky I am that the mum doesn't want to take it any further and me and his dad have agreed to speak the school when half term is over to get on top of it. He shows no sign of sexual behaviour at all right now. And as I have said previously he is banned off his PS for the time being and will not be having his phone back.

He needs to understand WHY what he said was wrong. I know he's young, but if he doesn't understand THAT, he'll do it again at some stage

Also - I'm assuming he now knows when someone tells you to do something, you don't have to do it ....especially some stupid kid 🙄

@Nohopeforme91 you have dealt with this brilliantly and are a great mum - don't eat yourself up. Your DS has learnt a valuable lesson.

For those saying 10 year olds don't know about porn - at my DS's 9th birthday I had to remove a child who was explicitly describing a woman giving a man a blow job that he has watched online. I've never moved as quickly. DS was disgusted at the mere thought and he and the remaining friends decided naughty friend was lying as 'who would do that'.

Don’t give ten year olds smartphones and definitely not WhatsApp.

Yes, I was thinking the same, wondering whether it's a geographical thing!
Where I live, everyone gets them for their Year 6 children over the year so they can get used to them in time for secondary school.
They use them for homework, gaming together, bus timetables, quizzes, class WhatsApp groups, download geocaching apps to use at scouts, all sorts.
Yes, things come up - a few nasty comments on WhatsApp etc - they make mistakes, and the parents check their phones regularly and help them learn and deal with any issues. I've always thought it was better to start being introduced to it this year, during Yr 6, than at secondary school when everything else is new too.
This thread has really surprised me.

@CautiousOptimist Same page here. Everyone gets in Yr6 and the kids learn to navigate the landscape whilst in Yr6 and a relatively safe environment. With us it was the girls falling out. Groups set up and then deleting people etc. I know of lads posting stuff just as Op described. Best learn now and be ready for high school and know to leave big groups, don't leave a digital footprint you don't want etc.
I work with kids & had to notify one parent that his son age 11 had posted something similar on a group chat but towards another lad about showing him his sausage & sticking it up his bum.. he was naive, didn't understand what he was saying & thought he was being funny. Needless to say he was mortified when called out & will never do it again.
What I see now at end Yr7 up is total opposite. They don't want photos or anything to be saved

Don't approach anyone or admit anything. If approached apologise but do not admit ANYTHING specific. This stuff can escalate wildly and you're already dealing with it appropriately.

@Nohopeforme91 well done for addressing it x

Why does your 10 year old have a phone?

@EnglishBluebell yes the child is 10, but some children particularly those with less than stellar homelives, or where CSA happens, or simply have older siblings are shown or come across porn and other inappropriate content. Some parents don't limit their children's phones with parental controls and their child can access very inappropriate content which the show other children.

My point was YOUR / the OPs child may not have searched up anything on their well protected phone but still have seen it. But have been shown it by friends, or even children who are not friends but who thrust it under their noses because they think it's funny because that's what some children do. They do it on the school field out of view, in the toilets or down the park and this behaviour is seen in children younger than secondary school age.

I wasn't talking about periods

@EnglishBluebell but you imply that your 9 year old doesn't know about sex etc. But it'll be something they hear about in school and very possibly talked about in the play ground. Never mind internet. So my point is that they need to be educated appropriately with the correct facts