Son whatsapp chat.

[Nohopeforme91]

My son is 10 and has a WhatsApp class chat. I tend to check it every few nights or so and everything has been fine. They talk about weekend plans, class trips etc. I went through it last night and felt sick to my stomach where he had been posting in the group chat stuff of sexual content..mostly aimed at this one girl. I am horrified. I'm not sure the mum knows yet so I'm not sure whether to message her apologising. I'm pretty sure the school is going to get involved as well? I have no idea where he has picked up this language. He's generally well behaved bar the occasional strop and has a good social life and active. I don't know jow to navigate this at all. Can anyone advice please.

You delete what you can and remove him from it, permanently.

I have. I deleted the comments and deleted WhatsApp. His phone has been taken away for the time being as well.

Have you checked his internet history on all of his devices? I’d be suspecting a combination of school and his Internet preferences to be the reason why he behaved like that.

I would screen shot the messages and send them to your phone.
Then delete them if you can to prevent anyone else seeing.
Remove the phone and any other devices from your son for the foreseeable he has demonstrated he is not mature enough for them and if that means he isn't allowed out and about without a phone then so be it.
A good long chat on why what he said wasn't ok, he may not fully have understood what he said.

Personally I would prepare for a shit storm but would message the mother and the school myself with what had been sent, an apology and what you are doing to prevent it happening again. I would want control of the situation and not to be waiting for trouble at my door.

Does he have a mobile phone? You take that away, for a start. He can only
Use the internet for school work with your supervision. The internet is where he has accessed this stuff. Or his friends have. 10 year olds have absolutely no reason for mobile phones or WhatsApp.

Thanks for the quick responses. I stupidly deleted the WhatsApp without taking pictures . I was so angry. Me and his dad are fully expecting a shit storm. We did day we would message the girls mum today apologising. His ps5 has been put away as well

Yes, I would still message the mum (and inform the school) that inappropriate messages have been sent and you have sanctioned him via XYZ, that you are mortified this happened and hope the daughter is ok. - Basically the actions you'd want to happen if it was your daughter.

School can then do more targeted assembly's towards the children of what shouldn't be sent online and what to do if they receive something inappropriate. - Not that assembly's really help as children do it anyway.

Have you got any jobs that need doing, a bit of manual labour now the PS5 removal has freed up his time? New garden bed need digging/ shed cleared out/ car washed?

If you re install WhatsApp with whatever details you used for himyou can retrieve messages

. I'm not having a go you but this is why children shouldn't have free reign of social media and messaging services I don't know why parents trust their children and I appreciate its hard to not give them phones because they all have them. He doesn't need devices at 10.

Why has the behaviour changed suddenly? Were you checking every few days?

You need to access all his devices and have a proper conversation about what was said, does he fully understand what it means, where did he find out this stuff. Most of all how did he think it was appropriate and acceptable to speak to a girl like this!

What were the responses from others in the group? Other parents probably check that chat too so will be aware of the content. They may notify the school too.

He's obviously too young for a phone and any level of internet access.

Oh yes I'd contact the mum today and tell her.

You must contact the girls mum so she can support her.
10 is young for what’s app - I’d remove permanently

Make this a sharp shock for him and he must apologise to the girl obvs. Hopefully this will be a brutal early lesson!

He told me that one of his friends told him to put it in the chat. This boy is in his class and they talk to each other a lot whilst gaming together. I'm not sure if I believe him or not right now as I'm so upset with him. I check his phone typically most evenings. When I checked his phone yesterday evening, the messages has been sent in the morning.. I'm not sure he even realises what he has said or why its so bad.i am fully aware now that I am stupid for letting him have his phone. He won't be having it back.

Children with phones literally show each other porn on them even on school premises at the back of the field hence schools not wanting them in schools. Parents think there little darlings would never search for things like that, and they may not, doesn't mean a 'friend' wouldn't shove it under their nose so these things might not be on his search history but on a 'friend's'. Its a far more graphic and potentially violent version of showing your friends your dad's/brothers/uncles dirty magazine.

If other people have already viewed the WhatsApp they won't be deleted on the other users phones

Agreed. It will still be visible to the other users

Madness to have a 10 year old on group chat. You're asking for trouble.

What on earth possesses anyone to give a 10 year old access to WhatsApp?

I'm aware I've made a huge mistake in letting him have WhatsApp. The class chat seemed innocent enough and he had family members on there. I've learned my lesson and my other son won't be having a phone.

What does this mean?

Yet more proof that 10 is far too young for a phone and access to these apps. Why aren’t they playing football or with toys for heaven’s sake.

I know this now. I know I sound like a sheep but the majority of his class have phones are on the chat. He does football three times a week and has youth club. Before this he rarely posted in the chat. That's why it is so out of character for him. I've let the ball drop on this and if I could turn back time I wouldn't let him have a phone.

It's going to depend how concerning the messages were.

Would you go to the school if they were aimed at your 10 year old?

I'm not sure what school can do if parents allow their 10 year olds to have WhatsApp unless it's a safeguarding issue. So I assume the girl's parents will request your son is kept away from their daughter, and if the messages are concerning enough social services might be called because they will have concerns what your son is being exposed to.

As for your son, you need to talk to him about where these thoughts came from, what has he heard, seen and where, from whom. That once messages are sent they can be made public nothing is private in the end, just because you have deleted the messages doesn't mean they aren't already screenshotted by someone else, that, depending on the severity, the police can turn up and demand his phone, laptop, as a safeguarding issue for him as much as anyone.

But there is always leeway in these things, if it was "I want to stick my tongue down your throat" that's one thing v "I want to fuck you from behind". There's a big difference.

Exposure to adult conversation happened quite quickly to ours in secondary, so around 12. We handle it (because they are still in that environment) by brutal honesty with them, e.g. "if a picture of your knob ends up being sent then it's effectively child pornography and you will have to hand over your phone and mum and dad will be questioned" with "and really sweetheart who wants to see a picture of your knob anyway think about it please"

We can make them laugh whilst talking about this stuff and usually "giggle and go oh no and then what happened" when they tell us incidents. Before we react.

Basically keep lines of communication open. He's messed up, he's 10, it's not the end of the world. But you need to get him to talk to you as well as punishments.

Good for you for admitting it. Make sure he doesn’t get it back until he is older and a bit more grown up.

Actually you can "delete for all"