Son whatsapp chat.

[Nohopeforme91]

My son is 10 and has a WhatsApp class chat. I tend to check it every few nights or so and everything has been fine. They talk about weekend plans, class trips etc. I went through it last night and felt sick to my stomach where he had been posting in the group chat stuff of sexual content..mostly aimed at this one girl. I am horrified. I'm not sure the mum knows yet so I'm not sure whether to message her apologising. I'm pretty sure the school is going to get involved as well? I have no idea where he has picked up this language. He's generally well behaved bar the occasional strop and has a good social life and active. I don't know jow to navigate this at all. Can anyone advice please.

But most young teens will not allow you to look at their phones
Obviously your son was more amenable because he’d been targeted, but otherwise it’s extremely difficult to do…

@Rainydayinlondon it's really not. you make checking the phone a pre requisite of having it and if they refuse it gets taken away and that's that. Don't give the phone as a gift, it is a tool, if they can't use the tool sensibly or refuse to hand it over then it gets taken from them / their charger removed until you get hands on the phone and they can have access to a cheap dumb phone for emergency's. You make sure they understands the conditions of having the phone.

Once they are old enough to buy their own then you don't check it as it is their property.

Parents don’t parent anymore. Children want stuff and parents buy it for an easy life.

I have an eleven year old who doesn’t have a phone. Only one in his year. Out of 60 kids, only one without a phone. Honest to god the stuff that’s happened to his year group in the last 12 months off the back of WhatsApp class groups!!! It would make your hair stand on end. The swearing, the sexual chat, the rows, the continuous falling out. One of my son’s friends actually told him the other day he was so lucky NOT to have a phone as people can’t ’get to him’ online. He is ‘safe’. What a world.

Stop giving your child access to What's App. Nothing good will come of it.

I’m literally looking at my WhatsApp now with 2 messages deleted on a group chat that I have read… they absolutely can be deleted

No - it was 16 and it was reduced.

Hence this bbc article on the day it was reduced, describing the WhatsApp issue in the NE. Which didn't include the 3 children in hospital thanks to the suicide score game that was being played on it.

www.bbc.com/news/articles/cy0l4z8n1p9o

Children as young as nine have been added to malicious WhatsApp groups promoting self-harm, sexual violence and racism, a BBC investigation has found.

Thousands of parents with children at schools across Tyneside have been sent a warning issued by Northumbria Police.

One parent, who we are calling Mandy to protect her child's identity, said her 12-year-old daughter had viewed sexual images, racism and swearing that "no child should be seeing".

WhatsApp owner Meta said all users had “options to control who can add them to groups" and the ability to block and report unknown numbers.

It comes after the minimum age for WhatsApp users in the UK and Europe was reduced from 16 to 13.

The government said it had received no notice of the change in advance.

I totally agree in theory. I have an 11 yr old who has no phone. Most kids in her school age 10 and 11 have a phone. She's very unimpressed with me not letting her have one yet! I wanted to get her a brick phone as she does go out and play with her friends down the road. But the look of sheer horror on other parents faces when I say this, it's almost as if this would be cruelty!!

So I am still figuring out what to do. But I think this is a lot easier said than done in reality.

I'm not sure yet when I will be allowing him back on his PlayStation.

I'd keep him off it until the fallout from this incident has been dealt with and only then start thinking about whether/when to let him back on. It will reinforce to him that this is a serious matter.

He needs to understand how serious this is. A few weeks minimum without the PlayStation. The phone would be permanently gone.

Mumsnet is not reflective of general society re phones. Most Y6 have them and by now are getting ready for Yr7. Yr7 up kids use them for everything from bus passes, train tickets, sorting social lives, sorting who is walking to school together, doing homework on aps, letting you know where they are, buying stuff etc
Yr7 kids are expected to sort all this out. They'll have group chats for their sports teams, sorting meet ups etc
Mine know to not engage with big groups, people they don't know etc. In some ways making the mistakes in Yr6 is a lesson.
If they don't have one they prob will be the only one and will miss out on stuff.

What?!

A condition of my year 7 son having a phone was that he let me look at it whenever I wanted! There were a couple of incidents/ use of inappropriate language that we had to have words about, and I made him write an apology to a girl he had told to fuck off once.

Now he's in year 9 conversation between him and his friends has matured somewhat, and I allow him more privacy.

You're the parent- you can and should be able to pull the plug on their phone use whenever you need to.

Better to learn this lesson in Yr6 than later when they are in a year group of 300... but agree chats need checking until a bit older. My Y9 doesn't have their phone checked as they are only on with immediate mates and never big groups or with kids they don't actually hang out with. If added to any they immediately leave. They use snap more and say it's actually more private

tell him he can have it back when he’s 11 and might be more mature until then it’s back to basics

Not until year 8 in my area and my year 10 doesn’t have one but she’s in the minority

@Cocopogo Defo end year 6 going into Yr7 here. City though and the DC head to big schools in all different directions and all transport themselves to and from. Parents have minimal input into anything so I don't know if any Yr7 with no phone and I know a couple of hundred through various things I'm involved in.
I'm not sure how they'd know what's going on within peer groups without. My DC timetable & homework is on Aps.
I also use 'find my iPhone' to check where they are / if they've gone somewhere after school / gone to a club / where the mini bus is on way back from a trip etc

WhatsApp is 13+ with parental consent. Sounds like the school needs to organise an internet safety session for parents and children. We have always stuck rigidly to age criteria regardless. If nothing else it allows you to keep your kids off the platform for as long as possible. I agree that you should contact the kids parents and apologise and assure them you have dealt with your son.

Missing the point of the thread, but just to agree with a PP - messages on WhatsApp that have been read can still be deleted ‘for everyone’ so that they disappear for everyone on the chat.

Just an quick update. The girls mum messaged back to say she appreciates the apology and is happy with how I have dealt with it. She's not going to take it further. Me and his dad are still going to speak to the headteacher so they can talk to the class about Internet safety. I've found since removing his ps5 and phone he has been in a much better mood and seems to be more involved with us. Even though he was relatively well behaved,when he did have a strop it was always after playing on the PlayStation. His general mood seems a lot better. I want to thank everyone for the responses. I did make a mistake in letting him having a phone and WhatsApp but here's to learning lessons the hard way lol.

As well as apologising to the girl's Mum he needs to apologise to the girl as well. Also I'd tell girls Mum you've taken him out of WhatsApp group, taken his phone and gaming g computer for X amount of time. I'd also speak to him and make him realise what he said was disgusting and how would he feel if someone said those things about you or his sister?

Hi. I told her he's been removed from the chat including the banning of his phone and PS. He won't see the girl now until their back in school but I've told the mother he wants to apologise. I am not defending him at all but when we had the conversation he genuinely does not seem to know what he actually said and why it was offensive. As I have said earlier on though.. we have had a talk on the dangers of social media, unwanted attention/harassment and touched upon consent.

Yr6 kids see & hear all sorts. Some comes from mates older siblings etc
I think it's quite common that they don't always fully understand what stuff means OP. Digital footprint is an important lesson for them too

I think you have handled it very responsibly tbh. I do think this is why kids this young shouldn't have phones though. They are too young to handle them and can easily get involved with things without realising how serious they are. Internet phones are bad for young teens. Most boys will be watching porn before they have even experienced a real relationship which warps their sense of reality it very damaging for society as a whole. There needs to be stricter rules about access to these phones

What did he actually say then?

Sexual stuff at 10 years old? My 9 yr old doesn't even know what that is yet!
Why does he have a phone already? You need to take it off him and ground him/give him appropriate punishment for at least 3 months and then get him therapy of some sort. That is extremely worrying behaviour

The child is 10......